How to stay focused on ctb plans?

[Pacosay]

So I have plans to ctb this weekend, and I wanted this week to be special so I just came back from a dinner in a fancy restaurant with my mom and I managed to get my partner to go as a "favor" to my mom instead of me, and just now he asked me if I'm going to attend a family event that his family included me on and that just reduced my ctb meter from 10 to 2, and I'm tired of that, if what he asked me means anything I know that eventually I'll screw everything up again and I'm going to make everyone included myself suffer again.

I reall dont want to keep repeating these cycles, and I really want to go, but now my body and mind are not aligned with that desire, I feel how the idea becames less desirable, any tips to stay focused on the end goal here? I'm now afraid that when the time comes I won't have the willingness to do it.

 

[4everDone]

Literally going through this right now.

Last two weeks I was on a proper wave just ready to go whenever.
Now I'm at the level again where there is no such momentum and it sucks ass.
I feel like I need to initiate a sequence of actions or events for it to happen, but the mindset is just not there and, as you mentioned, my body and mind are not aligned for the task.
It's as if you have to catch a wave of some sort, where it feels extatic to die rather than feeling miserable and low.
I don't want to go when I'm in the state where I have to clench my teeth and commit the act.
Need that momentum again right now.