Help How to overcome SI?

[pogostick]

I'm sure this has been discussed a lot but I'm struggling to find more specific answers and thought that creating my own post would be more fruitful.

I really want specifics. Over the counter drugs, techniques. Things I can do over the next two weeks.
I plan to sit on open traintracks.

I have attempted suicide before (my chosen method is by train). The first time I was feeling very emotional and didn't make it out of the house. However, the second time, I spent quite a while at my chosen spot just walking over the tracks, I even laid down a couple times with my throat on the rails. The weeks building up, I watched and consumed a lot of gore content and I even went to sleep listening to loud train sounds to try and desensitise myself. It obviously didn't work. I'm still alive as I wussed out last minute.
I started to consider sitting on the tracks and just waiting, a bit of a gamble I guess, but I really don't want to be facing the train as it comes and this specific railway is two-way.

My main question is, is it best to try again what I did last time and sit at my spot for a bit, ponder, just take in everything, or do I just need to show up and get it done, no time for regret?
I really don't know. I genuinely don't know how I fucked it up so bad the time I actually got to the tracks. After the fact, I just couldn't fathom why I wasn't able to.. do it. I wasn't thinking of anything specific that had prevented me. I guess it purely was just instincts.

I also would like to know, how common is it that somebody can truly just... commit suicide without feeling a thing? I know some truly broen people can get to that point, but surely not everybody? Is it normal for your body to still feel scared?

But yeah. If anybody has any general or specific advice, let me know. I'd love to have a discussion.

 

[MyShadow]

This method is not guaranteed for many reasons and creates the most trauma for those who witness it.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Train is a shitty method that will traumatize the driver and possibly others. You could scar them for life and even lead to their mental health decline and suicide.

It's also not reliable. My father was [accidentally, not a CTB attempt] run over by a train and survived with a broken thumb, scratches on his head, and a collapsed lung.

 

[NellyGoes]

I agree with the above commenters that this method is a quite horrible both for you and for others.

Secondly, do you want to die? Seems like an obvious question but I'd ask you to really know the (100% definitive) answer to this. This helps me "be at peace" with my death and also (often underrated to think about!!) my *dying*.

Lately, check out this post for hard fact tips:

Scientific Approach to Understanding SI and Discussion on Tools to Minimze SI Factors

This post aims to provide an educational/informational overview of the various scientific factors that contribute to survival instincts (SI), particularly the innate drive for self-preservation and the automatic responses that arise in the face of harm and danger. While it does not delve into...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I wish you peace and clarity.

 

[pogostick]

Train is a shitty method that will traumatize the driver and possibly others. You could scar them for life and even lead to their mental health decline and suicide.

It's also not reliable. My father was [accidentally, not a CTB attempt] run over by a train and survived with a broken thumb, scratches on his head, and a collapsed lung.

Yes, I know, thank you. I understand the risks and trauma associated with this method fully.

I agree with the above commenters that this method is a quite horrible both for you and for others.

Secondly, do you want to die? Seems like an obvious question but I'd ask you to really know the (100% definitive) answer to this. This helps me "be at peace" with my death and also (often underrated to think about!!) my *dying*.

Lately, check out this post for hard fact tips:

Scientific Approach to Understanding SI and Discussion on Tools to Minimze SI Factors

This post aims to provide an educational/informational overview of the various scientific factors that contribute to survival instincts (SI), particularly the innate drive for self-preservation and the automatic responses that arise in the face of harm and danger. While it does not delve into...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I wish you peace and clarity.

As I replied to the other commenter, I fully understand the risks and trauma associated with this method and I have done for a very long time.

I do want to die, I have since I was very very young. Everything about it just feels really right. I know for a fact that I'll end up dead by suicide, even if somehow this attempt fails.
I do sometimes have doubts! But it's typically if I'm particularly comfy in bed and feel like I'll miss it. Nothing proper or meaningful. I'll be too dead to miss any of this shit anyway in reality, even if I don't always see that as the case. I do agree that it's something to think about, even if the question itself seems kind of silly.

Thank you for the link, I've scoured a couple of the resource threads here but haven't yet seen this one.

This method is not guaranteed for many reasons and creates the most trauma for those who witness it.

Yes, I know, thank you. Neither of these are a problem for me. I'm willing to chance an incredibly low survival likelihood.

 

[hmnow]

I'd recommend keep the date of decision and the date of CTB as short as possible. The longer it is the greater the chance it will have time to stop you. It's a form of anxiety so it builds over time

For me I need three things a wave that hits me, a place I can do it, and the tools with me

My goal is that if all the things appear at once the time between the decisions and the deed is an hour. It just do it with out thinking

Non getting my affairs together. It's the same as if I was hit by a bus
I'd recommend keep the date of decision and the date of CTB as short as possible. The longer it is the greater the chance it will have time to stop you. It's a form of anxiety so it builds over time

For me I need three things a wave that hits me, a place I can do it, and the tools with me

My goal is that if all the things appear at once the time between the decisions and the deed is an hour. It just do it with out thinking

Non getting my affairs together. It's the same as if I was hit by a bus

 

[pogostick]

I'd recommend keep the date of decision and the date of CTB as short as possible. The longer it is the greater the chance it will have time to stop you. It's a form of anxiety so it builds over time

For me I need three things a wave that hits me, a place I can do it, and the tools with me

My goal is that if all the things appear at once the time between the decisions and the deed is an hour. It just do it with out thinking

Non getting my affairs together. It's the same as if I was hit by a bus

Thank you, I thought this would be the case, especially considering a large majority of suicides are made impulsively. I suppose I get caught up in the idea of how a suicide 'should' be done (which I know is silly), eg, a lot of meticulous planning, handwritten notes, weeks of buildup, etc.

I do appreciate that way of thinking-- waiting for those things to line up and then just... going for it. Fortunately, I'm not limited by physical resources in this scenario.