me and my boyfriend are coming up on our 2 year anniversary in April; he knows im suicidal and have been struggling for years, but i find it so hard to ctb because of him. i am completely sick of my life and cant handle anything anymore at this point, but the only thing stopping me from ending everything is the fact that i cant leave the one person who cares deeply for me. me consistently waiting to find a good time to ctb without thinking about him is just draining, and ive been doing it for the 1 year and 10 months we've been together. he is the absolute sweetest guy ever, and it hurts me so much thinking about the fact that i would end my life and leave him all alone after all of the times hes been hurt by someone else. what do i do??
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Return2themoonlight
Sele'ne shall guide me to peace and tranquility
- Dec 31, 2023
- 145
In my honest opinion, I believe you have two choices and this is based off experience rather than what I feel.
(1)Trust in his love and put every ounce of energy you have to fight against the ctb feeling. If you can, become the type of person to be uplifted or happy off his happiness. Only downside is its hard to keep those feelings genuine. Eventually, you'll start to feel empty because you know what you truly want deep down, even if you try lying to yourself.
(2)This choice is the harder one and one I wouldn't recommend as it entails becoming an enemy to those around you. The hardest thing for people like us is to leave the people we love and those who love us but when that love is no more, we no longer have a reason to hold back. This is what I've just done and its absolutely harder than the 1st option but with less restraints. I've told multiple lies to make me seem horrible but in turn, learned things I would've ctb sooner over had I known.
I apologize for it being so long but that's the advice I can give you that's helped me stay here for this long as well as get over the feeling of leaving loved ones behind. I would recommend the 1st choice tho, its 10x easier but also 10x more taxing as the days go by. Some days youll notice it and some days you wont.
Whichever way you decide to go, I hope you find your peace in this chaotic world.
(1)Trust in his love and put every ounce of energy you have to fight against the ctb feeling. If you can, become the type of person to be uplifted or happy off his happiness. Only downside is its hard to keep those feelings genuine. Eventually, you'll start to feel empty because you know what you truly want deep down, even if you try lying to yourself.
(2)This choice is the harder one and one I wouldn't recommend as it entails becoming an enemy to those around you. The hardest thing for people like us is to leave the people we love and those who love us but when that love is no more, we no longer have a reason to hold back. This is what I've just done and its absolutely harder than the 1st option but with less restraints. I've told multiple lies to make me seem horrible but in turn, learned things I would've ctb sooner over had I known.
I apologize for it being so long but that's the advice I can give you that's helped me stay here for this long as well as get over the feeling of leaving loved ones behind. I would recommend the 1st choice tho, its 10x easier but also 10x more taxing as the days go by. Some days youll notice it and some days you wont.
Whichever way you decide to go, I hope you find your peace in this chaotic world.
Upvote
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Katdogg
Member
- Jan 31, 2024
- 71
I've looked at some of your previous posts and it looks like you have already attempted even though you are with him.
If you are looking to really spare this man additional pain... maybe you should let him go?
It will devastate him to find you when you OD. Would he blame himself thinking he wasn't enough?
If you are serious about ctb( it looks that way). Get him out of your life. Its the right thing to do.
My 2cents.
May you find the peace you are looking for.
If you are looking to really spare this man additional pain... maybe you should let him go?
It will devastate him to find you when you OD. Would he blame himself thinking he wasn't enough?
If you are serious about ctb( it looks that way). Get him out of your life. Its the right thing to do.
My 2cents.
May you find the peace you are looking for.
Upvote
1
Only you know your situation and the extent of your struggles so you should ask yourself if he and your relationship with him is enough for you to keep living. If so you have your answer but if not you should let him go as early as possible to save him the pain of losing you and the guiltiness of not being good enough or not saving you.
Upvote
1
