Discussion How to give up on the last bit of hope?

[Samn77]

I've been suicidal for the past 5 years, the last few months have been the worst. I've had suicidal thoughts every hour I've been awake, I really just want to go at this point. But something just keeps me from going through with it, this faux hope - almost as if it's my last bit of survival instinct clinging onto me, it's annoying and I just want to give up. If you've given up and are convinced you're going to ctb soon, how'd you do it? Was there anything specific or did it just happen on its own?

 

[Inferdan]

I'm at a breaking point. I hate society and this broken, corrupt world, I hate where I am, I hate my past, o hate myself, my constant mind that makes every day agonizing, I hate indecision and confusion of it stretching me between living or dying, I hate how I'm sick with the flu, makes everything all the worse, and I hate life itself. I've given myself a week to improve, and if nothing does, I will finally choose and rid myself of the turmoil I suffer, and then the suffering that I go through in life.
There you go. That's me. Past and present effects torture me, and I deteriorate by the day. Hope this answers your question.

 

[PrettyMoose]

The knowledge that survival instinct will very likely lead me to a more painful death down the road. Only a lucky few die in their sleep. The majority die from things like cancer and heart disease. Not pleasant.

 

[Depressive1995]

This exaclty what i wanna know. I dont wanna die in pure desperation and pain, but you only can have a peaceful dead if if you really want it.. Is there no fucking way to manipulate this survival instinct?

 

[alexK]

Same. Every time I'm convinced I'm ready, a stupid glimpse of hope talks me out of it. Realistically, there IS hope for me.. but the dilemma in my case is whether I'm willing to be patient and do a certain thing at the right time which I'm not. I don't think it's gonna be worth it in the long run. I'm trying SO hard to work out ways to give up entirely on the future. It's a draining conflict how half of me wants so desperately to explore my options and experience life more and the other half wants so desperately to diminish into nothingness.

 

[Antibody246]

Same. Every time I'm convinced I'm ready, a stupid glimpse of hope talks me out of it. Realistically, there IS hope for me.. but the dilemma in my case is whether I'm willing to be patient and do a certain thing at the right time which I'm not. I don't think it's gonna be worth it in the long run. I'm trying SO hard to work out ways to give up entirely on the future. It's a draining conflict how half of me wants so desperately to explore my options and experience life more and the other half wants so desperately to diminish into nothingness.

My parents obviously are schizophrenic robots and I have nothing in this world. why am I still here?