how to get over the person you thought would be the love of your life?

[GASLIGHTER7000]

he's gone forever. and it's mostly my fault. we both had our faults but i fucked so many things up. i was basically forced to choose between my parents and him, and i chose my parents- i had to either book a flight to see him (my parents are muslim, they were against us seeing eachother/having pre-marital sex. they told me if i go to see him, i should just stay there forever) or we had to break up- he had to move on with his life. i get it. but i'm an adult, i could've just went and saw him. i did so many bad things to him, and i know he was in so much pain while he was alone but i turned a blind eye to it, because i was selfish and scared my parents would hate me. i'm scared i'm going to spend the rest of my life crying over him, i've spent everyday crying since he's moved on. he says he's happy without me but i keep disturbing his life. i just want to book a flight to see him and apologize. i want us to love eachother again, we planned so much together. i feel so empty inside, like there's a void that can never be filled without him. i feel like the loneliness in my life will stay forever. he was with me when my life was most difficult, he fixed everything and i fell so deeply in love with him. i have so many memories of him. everything about him was perfect, to the smallest detail. on the other hand, he was just doing charity work for me. i know so many things about me caused him trouble. i can't imagine a future without him. he was kind and handsome, he was so strong and so many of our interests aligned. still, i managed to lose him... he once told me he knew he'd be with me forever. i believed him so deeply, whenever i had doubts or fears i thought back to that moment and thought he'd never leave

i just want him back... if you've lost the love of your life before then what did you do to get over it? and how long did it take before you stopped waking up thinking about them?

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

Love is a lie

i dont think i can love again

 

[anxiousdweller]

he's gone forever. and it's mostly my fault. we both had our faults but i fucked so many things up. i was basically forced to choose between my parents and him, and i chose my parents- i had to either book a flight to see him (my parents are muslim, they were against us seeing eachother/having pre-marital sex. they told me if i go to see him, i should just stay there forever) or we had to break up- he had to move on with his life. i get it. but i'm an adult, i could've just went and saw him. i did so many bad things to him, and i know he was in so much pain while he was alone but i turned a blind eye to it, because i was selfish and scared my parents would hate me. i'm scared i'm going to spend the rest of my life crying over him, i've spent everyday crying since he's moved on. he says he's happy without me but i keep disturbing his life. i just want to book a flight to see him and apologize. i want us to love eachother again, we planned so much together. i feel so empty inside, like there's a void that can never be filled without him. i feel like the loneliness in my life will stay forever. he was with me when my life was most difficult, he fixed everything and i fell so deeply in love with him. i have so many memories of him. everything about him was perfect, to the smallest detail. on the other hand, he was just doing charity work for me. i know so many things about me caused him trouble. i can't imagine a future without him. he was kind and handsome, he was so strong and so many of our interests aligned. still, i managed to lose him... he once told me he knew he'd be with me forever. i believed him so deeply, whenever i had doubts or fears i thought back to that moment and thought he'd never leave

i just want him back... if you've lost the love of your life before then what did you do to get over it? and how long did it take before you stopped waking up thinking about them?

If you found the "cure" let me know im 8 months out since the break up still trying to pull it together

 

[behindtheveil]

I am sorry for your loss. But don't despair be glad you got to spend and create so many sweet memories with him. Love is eternal and cannot be broken so easily. So a small bit of advice- if he was truly your love, then time will unite you in this life or beyond.

 

[tonicer]

I doubt there is a way to get over it. I am still in love with the lady i went to evening school with and that was ~20 years ago. I was 23 back then she was around that age too and just wonderful. She had it all. She was beautiful and smart and nice and she was as radiant as the sun. My confidence back then was even lower than it is today and i never even thought in my wildest dreams that i had even a slight chance with her. I wish i could forget her but i can't. Once i kill myself that painful memory will finally leave me and i can't wait.

 

[Electra]

Date them until you hate everything about that relationship. When you disconnect emotionally before finally making that move. If you still love your ex - you just haven't dated them long enough to see shit go down.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

Date them until you hate everything about that relationship. When you disconnect emotionally before finally making that move. If you still love your ex - you just haven't dated them long enough to see shit go down.

i think he got to that point lol. he hates me now
im still stuck here though... in love with him

 

[bpdscared9]

This is very unfortunate, your parents put you in a tough situation and unfortunately, this is not your fault. All relationships has ups and downs, it's inevitable and that doesn't make you a bad person, you didn't offer too much context about your actions or his actions but if they weren't fully 'abusive' or toxic, then it's also part of a relationship. This is pretty unfair and it's totally valid you're going through this despite of him moving on. You made a decision and well, even if it hurts, he also has the right to start over again and re-do his life with someone else, if one day he agree with coming back, you can still try but my advice for you in this situation is just moving on and heal. Loving may be very hard and even more in your society, trust me, I get it better than anyone.

I wish you a safe healing journey, OP. Give yourself a break, forgive yourself one day and heal.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

This is very unfortunate, your parents put you in a tough situation and unfortunately, this is not your fault. All relationships has ups and downs, it's inevitable and that doesn't make you a bad person, you didn't offer too much context about your actions or his actions but if they weren't fully 'abusive' or toxic, then it's also part of a relationship. This is pretty unfair and it's totally valid you're going through this despite of him moving on. You made a decision and well, even if it hurts, he also has the right to start over again and re-do his life with someone else, if one day he agree with coming back, you can still try but my advice for you in this situation is just moving on and heal. Loving may be very hard and even more in your society, trust me, I get it better than anyone.

I wish you a safe healing journey, OP. Give yourself a break, forgive yourself one day and heal.

thank you. i try to think the same way. i know we blamed each other a lot, and it's easy for me to point fingers... but we were just two people with our own struggles. i can say he was a bad person, but i spent months with him, i know he wasn't at all. i don't know if thinking that way makes it easier to move on or not. im glad i have friends who help steer my mindset... i think the best thing that has came out of all of this is that i realized a lot of people are there for me, more than i realized...

 

[voc_89]

My advice. If its meant to be it will be. Leave it alone. Cause you can't force someone to be with you. It has to be genuine on both parts. Its okay. We mess up. I've been there. It may seem impossible atm but eventually u will get over this. I mean, do we really think that we are the result of our parents first real love? It sucks. It hurts. It makes u feel like u have no purpose. I get it. For me I listened alot to break up rock music. Like All American Rejects. Man they owned that genre at the time. You have to find things that make you process better the break up. Its happened. No matter what you do you put yourself at a losing position. In that, you don't get back together. You hurt yourself with your optimism, expectations and being vulnerable to fix it. You get back togerther, you the weak one in the relationship, the other can do whatever because they know u basically can't go on without them. Hey it sucks. I have been there. I have. I sympathise with you. Deeply. My advice. Focus on getting over it. And after some time doing what makes u move on. For me it was lol getting with women with the sole intent of using them (my first real love broke up with me before end exams in my last year at uni.... so my grades plummeted... sigh... after i got myself together i was just raging against women). But yh. Be selfsih. Focus on yourself. And getting past this. Or not. Its a CTB site. Do what you want. I hope you find peace.

 

[bpdscared9]

thank you. i try to think the same way. i know we blamed each other a lot, and it's easy for me to point fingers... but we were just two people with our own struggles. i can say he was a bad person, but i spent months with him, i know he wasn't at all. i don't know if thinking that way makes it easier to move on or not. im glad i have friends who help steer my mindset... i think the best thing that has came out of all of this is that i realized a lot of people are there for me, more than i realized...

Even in this forum, you have me and us to express your feelings about it. You can always text me in case you're feeling down, OP.

You got this and more.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

My advice. If its meant to be it will be. Leave it alone. Cause you can't force someone to be with you. It has to be genuine on both parts. Its okay. We mess up. I've been there. It may seem impossible atm but eventually u will get over this. I mean, do we really think that we are the result of our parents first real love? It sucks. It hurts. It makes u feel like u have no purpose. I get it. For me I listened alot to break up rock music. Like All American Rejects. Man they owned that genre at the time. You have to find things that make you process better the break up. Its happened. No matter what you do you put yourself at a losing position. In that, you don't get back together. You hurt yourself with your optimism, expectations and being vulnerable to fix it. You get back togerther, you the weak one in the relationship, the other can do whatever because they know u basically can't go on without them. Hey it sucks. I have been there. I have. I sympathise with you. Deeply. My advice. Focus on getting over it. And after some time doing what makes u move on. For me it was lol getting with women with the sole intent of using them (my first real love broke up with me before end exams in my last year at uni.... so my grades plummeted... sigh... after i got myself together i was just raging against women). But yh. Be selfsih. Focus on yourself. And getting past this. Or not. Its a CTB site. Do what you want. I hope you find peace.

yeah... i am trying to focus on getting over it. its still a fresh wound... and it's hard. i've never really been in "love" with someone. i've dated before but i never really dated to marry, he was the only one i saw a genuine future with. i realize that life is going forward with or without me... i can't spend every morning hoping i'll wake up to a message from him when he's already moved on from me, or fall asleep with him in my thoughts every night. i've been told time heals all wounds so... i hope it will:)

thank you...

 

[bl33ding_heart]

That sounds extremely painful to go through. I was in a similar situation with my ex. I thought he was the love of my life and we would end up eventually getting married. He was empathetic, understanding and patient with me but my bpd caused him to lose his patience with me and eventually break up. I was so heartbroken I thought I would certainly end up killing myself. But I didn't, and I'm alive now. And I'm over him. It hurt so damn much, but I tried my hardest to focus on myself and better my life, and create close bonds with others outside of him. It may feel impossible to get through, trust me. I know what it feels like and how bad it really is. But it's not impossible. And I believe in you.

 

[GASLIGHTER7000]

That sounds extremely painful to go through. I was in a similar situation with my ex. I thought he was the love of my life and we would end up eventually getting married. He was empathetic, understanding and patient with me but my bpd caused him to lose his patience with me and eventually break up. I was so heartbroken I thought I would certainly end up killing myself. But I didn't, and I'm alive now. And I'm over him. It hurt so damn much, but I tried my hardest to focus on myself and better my life, and create close bonds with others outside of him. It may feel impossible to get through, trust me. I know what it feels like and how bad it really is. But it's not impossible. And I believe in you.

that's exactly how i feel. it hurts when you feel like it's your fault everything ended. the first night apart i thought i was really going to end it lol... i don't really wanna die, i've always just wanted to be happy. he made me feel happy, like i didn't wanna die... i hope i brought him some happiness too. thank you for believing in me, im sure ill move on as time passes:)