How to get out of the indecision between dying and living?

[lost_one]

Always stuck here between life and death. I want to CTB but I don't have the courage, but at the same time I am not capable of putting this idea to rest to try and live, to improve, bet better. I don't care which one is it, I just want to choose! And be able.to stick with it

 

[MyShadow]

You are exactly where I am now.

On one hand, I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD and Anxiety. I am alone, lonely and isolated. I fear getting old and know that my body won't be able to do this for much longer. My country is falling to fascism and hatred and is spiraling deeper into recession and chaos.

Because I often find myself unable to see a future beyond what is happening now I have subsequently spent hours, dollars and effort studying methods to kill myself.

On the other hand, I don't fear death itself, I do fear the process of dying. I still see glimpses of beauty in my life and know that there are still some people who care. So, I have been second-guessing myself. Is this time in my life a temporary phase? Can I find happiness through therapy? Will my circumstances change and positively affect my mindset?

I have thought about taking my own life for many, many years but am somehow still here. I am stuck somewhere between fixing or ending my life and it's both confusing and frustrating.

 

[unluckysadness]

You are exactly where I am now.

On one hand, I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD and Anxiety. I am alone, lonely and isolated. I fear getting old and know that my body won't be able to do this for much longer. My country is falling to fascism and hatred and is spiraling deeper into recession and chaos.

Because I often find myself unable to see a future beyond what is happening now I have subsequently spent hours, dollars and effort studying methods to kill myself.

On the other hand, I don't fear death itself, I do fear the process of dying. I still see glimpses of beauty in my life and know that there are still some people who care. So, I have been second-guessing myself. Is this time in my life a temporary phase? Can I find happiness through therapy? Will my circumstances change and positively affect my mindset?

I have thought about taking my own life for many, many years but am somehow still here. I am stuck somewhere between fixing or ending my life and it's both confusing and frustrating.

I'm in the same situation. I think one of the reasons we are still here is procrastination. "I'll see tomorrow if I'll CTB, now let's just play a videogame, listen to music or watch a movie". And days, months, years are passing and we're like prisoners. Fortunately we will die sooner or later. A fatal accident or a lethal disease could resolve the problem...

 

[MyShadow]

"A fatal accident or a lethal disease could resolve the problem..."

Or complicate an already complicated situation