How to find the courage to CTB?

[brokensea]

I have no reason or motivation to live. I want to CTB. I don't know why I'm even still living through each gut wrenching day.

I think I feel afraid. I think logically we just disappear and cease to exist when we die but I have a fear that what if I go to a place that is even worse than this one and find no peace? This world is cruel and unfair and what if there is some dark hell or punishment you create for yourself by dying that way. How do I know leaving here and jumping into the void will truly bring me peace? Is there no escape in the universe?

I think it is not knowing what is beyond for me that is holding me back. It makes sense by all accounts I would just no longer exist but a lifetime of religion and spirituality exposure there is some small doubt. There is a worry I won't find the peace I'm looking for and maybe everything already is a hell you can never escape from.

I don't feel I'd have regrets dying but I'm worried about if I could I have some I'm not aware of and I would never come back from that.

I need to find the courage and strength to exit and I don't want to be here. The thought of having to live this life because I'm too afraid to die feels awful. I can't bear to imagine continuing to live until I die in whatever way I do. If I knew I could not exist or find some peace for sure then the next step would be easy.

How do you find the courage inside yourself to take that step into the unknown?

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course those that know the answer have already left this world. I don't fear death personally at all, in fact I actually look forward to it. I believe death to be peaceful nonexistence just like how before we were born where time passed and yet we were not aware of anything. There is no evidence of their being anything after death. Instead I only fear this life and ctb methods failing. There is no point to fearing death as after all it's inevitable for us all. Even if there was something after death it would be impossible to escape from it.

I think that many people manage to leave as they just know that it's time for them to go, they feel certain, have no doubts and many are likely desperate to escape. They have a method that they feel confident they will succeed with. Those gone are certainly lucky as they cannot suffer anymore and I wish that I was one of them.

 

[Hypocrite_]

I don't think it's courage that allows a sentient being to CTB successfully, you just need despair and pain.

Despair for long enough and the pain (physical or phycological) will start to build up to an intolerable level and that will be the catalyst to CTB.

In the meantime you can only march on and hope for better.

 

[sewercide]

I always think to myself that I will die anyways, so why prolong the suffering. Often times I convince myself that death will be like going to sleep and people will carry on with thier earthly struggles. While I will be at peace getting some eternal ZZzZzZzZzz

 

[takemenowpls]

I can't totally relate. I too fear ending it and going to hell. I was brought up Catholic so this does concern me. But then again god isn't helping me at all. Instead I wake up each day with more and more bad happening. As for courage, I've tried to sleep the endless sleep. But I was unsuccessful. Pills are a puss pour way to CBT. No matter how many you have.

 

[Obliviate]

Usually what I do to get back into the CTB mindset after being distracted and being normal for a bit is to just simply go on social media, news or any documentary and boom instantly you are reminded of the disgusting things in the world. People constantly share their stories that news will not cover they only give af about Kim K's dress. Tik Tok as cringe as it is, is used as a platform for people to spread and advocate on what's happening in the world that is being hidden. Living under a rock can make you blind and oblivious to the horror reality.

 

[iiiinfinityyyy]

My courage comes from that even though I find death extremely terrifying, it's still not as scary as real life to me. I also try not to dwell on "what ifs", but of course, I still do.

 

[brokensea]

Thank you all for your input. I want to CTB I just keep wondering if I'll just go to another dark place in some existence and there's no escape. The laws of existence are so brutal and this world is so unkind. I worry there is no escape from it. Like I'd be trapped somewhere in my mind in some horrible place for all eternity. I would much rather not exist than to continue to exist in any scenario. Even a positive after death experience could not erase the horrors of my life here. Non-existence is likely what will happen and makes the most sense. I have just been having some irrational fears lately and what ifs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you all for your input. I want to CTB I just keep wondering if I'll just go to another dark place in some existence and there's no escape. The laws of existence are so brutal and this world is so unkind. I worry there is no escape from it. Like I'd be trapped somewhere in my mind in some horrible place for all eternity. I would much rather not exist than to continue to exist in any scenario. Even a positive after death experience could not erase the horrors of my life here. Non-existence is likely what will happen and makes the most sense. I have just been having some irrational fears lately and what ifs.

I feel exactly the way you do. It's not only the fear of failing ctb but the worry about the afterlife- whether it's real or imagined. I suppose there's no guarantee we'll get to heaven even if we don't go by ctb but by natural causes though. Just feels like the outcome is likely to be worse if God gets offended you didn't like his 'gift.'

Plus, I agree with you- heaven doesn't sound massively appealing either! I mean- yes, it would be lovely to see the people from my family who have passed again but what on earth would you have to talk about for all eternity? I SO hope there's nothing...

 

[GhostNote]

I wish I knew. Can't seem to do it though I've tried. SI too strong.

 

[brokensea]

I feel exactly the way you do. It's not only the fear of failing ctb but the worry about the afterlife- whether it's real or imagined. I suppose there's no guarantee we'll get to heaven even if we don't go by ctb but by natural causes though. Just feels like the outcome is likely to be worse if God gets offended you didn't like his 'gift.'

Plus, I agree with you- heaven doesn't sound massively appealing either! I mean- yes, it would be lovely to see the people from my family who have passed again but what on earth would you have to talk about for all eternity? I SO hope there's nothing...

I've read a lot about people taking psychedelics and having these otherworldly experiences of existence and meeting beings and having some connection and communion with everything that is. People also have had some bad experiences in limbo and hellish landscapes so I guess it makes no sense the mind would still exist to have an experience but I worry about being in some dark existence of my own creation I couldn't control or being in some type of spiritual torture. I guess I wonder if this existence is a type of hell and the only thing beyond is something worse.

One can argue that there are beautiful things in life but the universe is based on destruction and consuming of others. Even eating plants and animals we have to kill things constantly to exist. Transform their energies. Planetary bodies explode and die to create new forms this isn't a great existence period and I don't want to be a part of it. I just worry what if I'm trapped and there's truly no way out.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've read a lot about people taking psychedelics and having these otherworldly experiences of existence and meeting beings and having some connection and communion with everything that is. People also have had some bad experiences in limbo and hellish landscapes so I guess it makes no sense the mind would still exist to have an experience but I worry about being in some dark existence of my own creation I couldn't control or being in some type of spiritual torture. I guess I wonder if this existence is a type of hell and the only thing beyond is something worse.

One can argue that there are beautiful things in life but the universe is based on destruction and consuming of others. Even eating plants and animals we have to kill things constantly to exist. Transform their energies. Planetary bodies explode and die to create new forms this isn't a great existence period and I don't want to be a part of it. I just worry what if I'm trapped and there's truly no way out.

Try to get those fears out of your mind. You know what the reality is. We may get excruciating existences in this world that we don't deserve but at least they are temporary, whether deliberately ended or not. That is the "deal" apparently. So trust you don't deserve anything worse and inescapable.

I agree the way Earth's natural world operates is horrifying though many will say it is neither good nor bad, just is.

 

[brokensea]

Try to get those fears out of your mind. You know what the reality is. We may get excruciating existences in this world that we don't deserve but at least they are temporary, whether deliberately ended or not. That is the "deal" apparently. So trust you don't deserve anything worse and inescapable.

I agree the way Earth's natural world operates is horrifying though many will say it is neither good nor bad, just is.

Thank you!

 

[LeavingEarly]

Yes I am afraid too. I don't want to be caught in some perpetual nightmare or something after I ctb.

 

[IntelligentLeg]

Once that mental/emotional pain overpowers any other emotion, that will give you the "courage" to go ahead and release that pain and find freedom.

The the urge to live is stronger than the want to die. The scariest part is probably failing and getting caught. At least to me it is. We end up getting 5150'd.

 

[Meaninglessness]

I believe that the pain of living must be unbearable and only then you can commit suicide. But it would be easier if one could die with the help of a physician.

 

[Onw9]

Once that mental/emotional pain overpowers any other emotion, that will give you the "courage" to go ahead and release that pain and find freedom.

The the urge to live is stronger than the want to die. The scariest part is probably failing and getting caught. At least to me it is. We end up getting 5150'd.

I think fear of failing is more than the urge to live. If only there was assisted suicide for all

 

[DysphoriaKilledMe]

Courage is not needed to CTB. It's when the pain of living and existing completely outweighs the uncertainty of what comes after death, the guilt and/or the SI.

 

[Forever Sleep]

There is no point to fearing death as after all it's inevitable for us all. Even if there was something after death it would be impossible to escape from it.

Yeah, I do know what you mean. Death is inevitable for all of us at some stage, so it's better to come to terms with it if we can.

That said, for those of us unfortunate to have been brought up around religious talk of hell and more specifically, suicides going to hell- if we can't entirely shake off those fears, it IS a worry.

It's true that we all die at some point anyway and we may well go to hell then anyway but the direct link of suicide and hell that some people firmly believe and enjoy telling others (when children) can be a major factor in scaring some people off. (Including me- I'm very similar to the OP in this regard. While it's something I don't entirely believe and I can see many flaws in- even a slight hesitation causes me fear.)

Hell as something unavoidable is kind of unknown for us (that even slightly believe in it.) Maybe it's MORE LIKELY we will indeed avoid it if we don't CTB and rather- go through all this suffering 'God' has thrown at us because it actually IS for something. (Fuck knows what.) Yes that's sadistic but looking at the world- whoever created it (if they did) IS sadistic. It's perfectly reasonable to me that a God that would send an angel to manage hell forever (Lucifer) for merely disagreeing with them would also be vindictive enough to send someone who threw away their 'gift' of life to hell.

It's just another worry for some folk- along with failing the attempt to begin with and causing grief to those left behind.

Worst of all- I kind of wonder if there even needs to be such a place for me to still experience it! What if my mind thinks I deserve to go there at the point of death? I can dream horrible things afterall.

I actually REALLY envy people who seem so sure of their (non) beliefs. I'm not sure it's even a place I'm going to reach despite being very convinced that religion and God is all manmade. Hell is one hell of a nagging doubt to have...

 

[yeti]

You don't need to find courage. If time is right it will come to you

 

[Darkover]

rebrith a bitch youll have to kill everything alive to be nothing for all time