Having trouble with SI and finding a suitable method

[purplesky9]

I'm really worried I'm not going to be able to kill myself. I've tried different methods but something but I can't find one that works for me. Something always seems to go wrong. I thought hanging was going to be my method but I'm having a lot of trouble with knots. When I tied the anchor knot first and the noose knot second I didn't have any trouble but this meant I had to tie my noose knot from the tail end which actually made it a Slipknot. And a Slipknot is not recommended as a noose. SN won't work for me either because I do have a large bowel so I wouldn't be able to absorb enough and it couldn't take antiemetics because they would interact with my medication. I considered putting a plastic bag on my head but that makes you panic and rip off the plastic bag before you die. I also considered drowning but that is supposed to be horribly painful and I don't think I'd have the guts to do it. So I'm still looking for my ideal method I hope I find it soon because I really just need to die now. I can't go on living like this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand just wanting to be gone, all I want is to never suffer ever again and I suffer so much from being trapped in this torturous existence, I also wish for a way to cease existing in peace and I see so much cruelty in how the option of a peaceful, guaranteed death is denied, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.