How to deal with waiting?

[Rainork]

I was just wondering if anyone has any tips for dealing with having to wait before being able to ctb?
I had a couple of failed attempts about a month ago, I was planning to ctb this week but haven't had sole use of my car to be able to travel to the location- I am also saving up medication but that's also a waiting game to ensure I have emough to be successful (basically I have a couple of options on methods but neither are accessible straight away).
Does anyone have any idea of things to do to make this period of time more bareable?
I'm currently stuck lying in bed day after day and I'm losing my mind! I don't know what to do with myself to ease the pain, I've tried painting and writing, I've been going on walks every day but I'm just so tired of this.
At the rate I'm going, I'm concerned I'm going to get so desperate that I'll make another attempt before I'm ready and fail again, which I'd rather avoid.
Any advice on things to make this period of time easier to deal with would be appreciated!

 

[FishRain3469]

I'm sorry you are dealing with all of that and I'm also sorry because I don't have any advice to give you on waiting. I am also waiting, and it's a Fckn bitch. Extremely uncomfortable to say the Least.

I wish you the best in whatever may happen, take care of yourself If possible. ♥

 

[eupdplishlp]

im terribly sorry for your pain and suffering. I also have a date in mind to ctb. I have a goal in mind In terms of what message I want to leave behind. there's a study that said 135 people are affected but 1 suicide. so I've been carefully planning and consructing my ending message. I hope you find pace in what you choose. My pms are always open for a chat

 

[unluckysadness]

before i go i want to clean my apartment but damn it's so messy !!

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I also feel so tired of it all, all I want is to never suffer ever again and finally be free from this torturous, futile existence, I hope you find peace.

 

[JesiBel]

I don't know if it's good advice...
I decided to forget about myself, I no longer want anything for myself nor think about myself either.
Now while I am in this world I will be useful to others, when the time comes for ctb that will be when I will put myself first. So in the meantime, I'll always have my mind busy, and in the end, perhaps I'll feel guilt-free and.. at least my existence served others in some way.

 

[Rainork]

before i go i want to clean my apartment but damn it's so messy !!

I feel this! I have nearly managed to sort mine out- got lots of my clothes washed and in charity bags and lots of bots sorted out. I understand the pain though, it's a mammoth task cleaning an apartment taken over by depression!

I don't know if it's good advice...
I decided to forget about myself, I no longer want anything for myself nor think about myself either.
Now while I am in this world I will be useful to others, when the time comes for ctb that will be when I will put myself first. So in the meantime, I'll always have my mind busy, and in the end, perhaps I'll feel guilt-free and.. at least my existence served others in some way.

This is quite a nice way to think about it, and I think I have been doing this without even realising it- I may try and make more of a conscious effort to focus on helping others to keep this time occupied.

 

[Renato]

im terribly sorry for your pain and suffering. I also have a date in mind to ctb. I have a goal in mind In terms of what message I want to leave behind. there's a study that said 135 people are affected but 1 suicide. so I've been carefully planning and consructing my ending message. I hope you find pace in what you choose. My pms are always open for a chat

135 seems a bit too high but I guess it depends on the person. In my case it will affect primarily 3 people (parents and brother). Other than that I don't think anyone at work will even remember me in a week. And I have no other social relationship at all. I know it's sad but that's how it is.

 

[mlb]

just finishing things up carelessly. like eating my favorite food almost daily, finishing my backlog of films and games. think of any hobby you want to continue basically.

 

[Rainork]

135 seems a bit too high but I guess it depends on the person. In my case it will affect primarily 3 people (parents and brother). Other than that I don't think anyone at work will even remember me in a week. And I have no other social relationship at all. I know it's sad but that's how it is.

I think 135 probably is about right as an average, but only if using the word 'affected' very lightly. I'm fully aware that in my life I have talked to and connected with hundreds of people, many will not be affected in the way those close to me feel, but if they hear about my ctb they will feel something around it, even just for a fleeting moment, thus technically will have been 'affected'.
I have also previously thought about writing a general note, just to address a brief outline for my reasoning for anyone who may be interested in reading it.

 

[Foxcompany2nd3rd]

Me personally Ive always used video games, porn, watching youtube videos, movies, etc to take my mind off suicidal thinking, but it only lasts as long as my mind is occupied, when I stop my mind goes back to suicidal thinking.

MMO's(multiplayer games) are the best way i take my mind off suicide because its so immersive you go into a completely diffrent place, i could spend all day in an MMO and not worry about having to think about suicide.

 

[cookiencream]

im terribly sorry for your pain and suffering. I also have a date in mind to ctb. I have a goal in mind In terms of what message I want to leave behind. there's a study that said 135 people are affected but 1 suicide. so I've been carefully planning and consructing my ending message. I hope you find pace in what you choose. My pms are always open for a chat

Can I see this study? That's super interesting.

 

[fedup1982]

The one thing which has helped me the most is the 54321 grounding technique. I highly suggest you look for it on YouTube or ask AI about it. It's so good it might even make you change your mind about CTBing. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, I have my own such experiences so I understand what it can feel like. My thoughts are with you. When you have a better moment, I'd work on a backup plan in case CTB fails again. Statistics show that only 1 in 20 attempts succeed, and more likely is permanent injury unfortunately

 

[kagebunshin]

Are you still waiting? I'm in the same boat. Sometimes the anxiety gets so intense it feels on the edge of psychosis. As others have said, it helps to occupy my mind, especially by consuming moving, emotional art.

I like to read about the human condition, watch films produced by people who later killed themselves, basically anything with that level of emotional depth where death or suicide is somehow involved. If I know that I'm reading a book by someone who took their own life, I feel comforted by their presence and their tacit sympathy. That, and I drink lol

 

[NoDeathNoFear]

I am also stuck waiting on things out of my control to be ready to go. Not much longer though, 10 days maybe if things go well.

Still, it's annoying and boring, given that many potential things to do have become even more meaningless to do now than they already are. Go buy new swimming trunks? Not worth it. Do my strength workouts? Rather not, being strong isn't helpful for my method (hanging)...

So I decided to build my own yoga and meditation retreat at home. Free online resources are plentiful. I started yesterday and so far it's enjoyable. I mix and match some yoga, meditation practices, talks by spiritual teachers, some healthy home cooking, taking walks, go feed stray cats, and finishing a book (surprisingly: 'No Death, No Fear').

And trying to clean things up a little, writing the letters and such.

 

[Nightfoot]

Try and find a way to distract yourself in those moments when the waiting seems especially difficult.