Help How to communicate better to my therapist and their team that I am getting murderous thoughts?

[19-21-8-5-14-25]

I don't want to have these thoughts, but I am seeing myself change in real time. My food consumption went up, I am now also so much easily frustrated and angered by anything. Anything can trigger me, and as a black male it scares me knowing I am naturally seen by my sex and race as dangerous so I don't want that.

I am more impulsive and I am
getting to the point of being able to casually think about wanting to kill this person or that person when they are an inconvenience or nuisance to my mental state or my life in general. I redirect a lot towards myself. I punched my jaw to the point of feeling a pinching pain (probably nerve pain).

I have threatened my therapist that if I don't get what I want (CTB in a peaceful way) that I will terrorise society and become a problem through murdering people. I don't want these thoughts, but even this doesn't change anything. They don't take me seriously and it's a death spiral and I am scared that the next step is truly the worst step.

HELP ME COMMUNICATE TO THEM THAT I AM SCARED THAT I MEAN WHAT I AM THINKING AND SAYING TO MYSELF AND THEM PLEASE!!!

 

[ZwartHartje]

What could they possibly do about it though?

 

[RazzleDazzle]

In the United States anyway, therapists are mandated reporters and have to report when they think that you are a danger to yourself or others. This would fall under being a danger to others.

What is your goal here? Do you think a medication change would help? Do you think that spending some time in a psych facility would help? That can be a mixed experience for people, sometimes positive, sometimes negative, sometimes neutral. But if you are genuinely feeling like you are unsafe right now, it may be the best option.

If you are able to message your therapist, it might be worth messaging them and saying something like, "I'm having persistent thoughts of hurting other people and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to stop myself. I would like to discuss a medication change/doing inpatient treatment/an emergency session."

You can also always go to an emergency room and say that you're afraid you're going to hurt someone, which has a decent chance of resulting in being admitted for a couple of days in a psych hold. But again, that may not be a positive experience, especially as a black male, I don't know.

I think that it's brave and wise to confront this and talk about it. Talking about this kind of stuff is hard. Good for you for not letting your therapist dismiss you. This sounds really distressing and you deserve to be heard.

 

[19-21-8-5-14-25]

What could they possibly do about it though?

Are you Dutch?

In the United States anyway, therapists are mandated reporters and have to report when they think that you are a danger to yourself or others. This would fall under being a danger to others.

What is your goal here? Do you think a medication change would help? Do you think that spending some time in a psych facility would help? That can be a mixed experience for people, sometimes positive, sometimes negative, sometimes neutral. But if you are genuinely feeling like you are unsafe right now, it may be the best option.

If you are able to message your therapist, it might be worth messaging them and saying something like, "I'm having persistent thoughts of hurting other people and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to stop myself. I would like to discuss a medication change/doing inpatient treatment/an emergency session."

You can also always go to an emergency room and say that you're afraid you're going to hurt someone, which has a decent chance of resulting in being admitted for a couple of days in a psych hold. But again, that may not be a positive experience, especially as a black male, I don't know.

I think that it's brave and wise to confront this and talk about it. Talking about this kind of stuff is hard. Good for you for not letting your therapist dismiss you. This sounds really distressing and you deserve to be heard.

Thanks for your reply. I can see you've put a lot of effort in it, but like I said to my therapist I just want to go in a peaceful way that's it. But if I can't because the system wants me to stay for its own sake than I need to become a menace to society to finally be actually listened to. Perhaps this is naive but I just think humans only know what really is going on when the shit hits the fan.

In the United States anyway, therapists are mandated reporters and have to report when they think that you are a danger to yourself or others. This would fall under being a danger to others.

What is your goal here? Do you think a medication change would help? Do you think that spending some time in a psych facility would help? That can be a mixed experience for people, sometimes positive, sometimes negative, sometimes neutral. But if you are genuinely feeling like you are unsafe right now, it may be the best option.

If you are able to message your therapist, it might be worth messaging them and saying something like, "I'm having persistent thoughts of hurting other people and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to stop myself. I would like to discuss a medication change/doing inpatient treatment/an emergency session."

You can also always go to an emergency room and say that you're afraid you're going to hurt someone, which has a decent chance of resulting in being admitted for a couple of days in a psych hold. But again, that may not be a positive experience, especially as a black male, I don't know.

I think that it's brave and wise to confront this and talk about it. Talking about this kind of stuff is hard. Good for you for not letting your therapist dismiss you. This sounds really distressing and you deserve to be heard.

Thanks for your reply. I can see you've put a lot of effort in it, but like I said to my therapist I just want to go in a peaceful way that's it. But if I can't because the system wants me to stay for its own sake than I need to become a menace to society to finally be actually listened to. Perhaps this is naive but I just think humans only know what really is going on when the shit hits the fan.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

Thanks for your reply. I can see you've put a lot of effort in it, but like I said to my therapist I just want to go in a peaceful way that's it.

You don't need anybody's help or permission to do that. There's lots of information on here about different methods. The more peaceful methods are generally going to require more effort and/or money, but they're out there if you're willing to look for them and make it happen.

 

[19-21-8-5-14-25]

You don't need anybody's help or permission to do that. There's lots of information on here about different methods. The more peaceful methods are generally going to require more effort and/or money, but they're out there if you're willing to look for them and make it happen.

I am incompetent, lazy and unintelligent and if you read what I wrote I am very impulsive and I get angry fast I already used a knife on things in my room out of frustration so I don't think I am in that state where I can meticulously plan stuff like most of you guys on this site.