Help How do I tell my girlfriend my time is short?

[ihatesalt99]

Sorry if this is barely legible I am not in the right headspace.

About a month ago I got asked out by a girl who knew I was planning to kill myself. I thought she was okay with it and accepted that I wasn't going to live long but I was very very wrong. For the last 2 weeks she has force fed me, regularly asked to see my body to make sure I wasn't self harming and anytime I objected- she spiraled on me. I am not talking about being upset, she genuinely goes insane at any sign that I might not be doing okay. I have no idea how to explain to her that us dating doesn't change my plans to unalive myself and trying to save me is pointless.

Am I an asshole for wanting to tell her straight up? I know she won't handle it well but this ritual of her trying to 'fix' me is making me even worse. I don't want to get better nor am I interested in being saved by someone. I have no idea how it got to this point to be honest. I love her but no amount of that could fix how empty and hollow I truly am. I am a disgusting person and her liking me in the first place is questionable to me.

I'd appreciate any advice on how to deal with this.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

For the last 2 weeks she has force fed me, regularly asked to see my body to make sure I wasn't self harming and anytime I objected- she spiraled on me. I am not talking about being upset, she genuinely goes insane at any sign that I might not be doing okay.

Sounds like you are living the dream, brother...

Jokes aside:
You probably don't in this case... also you already did it seems. Seems like she has quite a saviour complex possibly. Telling her of any concrete planning might anyway just trigger an involuntary stay at the psych ward. Might be better to end things first or simply not give a fuck, but that would be a bit cruel to her since she seems to actually care about you.

I have to admit tho, I fail to empathise why you wouldn't just want to get better, given this situation. But then again I don't know the rest of your situation and how you got where you are mentally in the first place, so feel free to ignore that part.