How to come to terms with death and how to overcome SI

[carfemtanyl]

I've mostly made my decision to ctb already but I've chickened out 2 times since my method involves a gap of 30 minutes between doing something irreversible (or mostly irreversible) and actually falling unconscious

how do I come to terms with the fact that I will die and/or how do I overcome my SI that tells me that those 30 minutes will be hell

I've tried to take lorazepam before but it made me feel very weird and didn't help with the anxiety

I will try again with some zopiclone