Resource How to beat loneliness?

[ctb_warrior]

Hi dear all

Welcome to another thread by me!

Most of us here have felt the problem of loneliness and some of us want to CTB just because of it.

I thought of writing this post to help our members who suffer from the problem of loneliness, specially the younger members who are under 20s or in their 20s.

For anyone who may wonder who am I to write about it...Why am I fit to write this article? I have been a celebrity wherever I have been. I have the knack of attracting people. It was not like this all the time. I developed that art over time. I have had profound interest in learning about mind power and hypnosis. I have learnt about building rapport. I am a certified hypnotherapist by paul mckenna. I am a 3rd degree reiki healer. I use my skills in my job related interviews and I have hardly failed any interview with a handful of exceptional cases. I'll be sharing all my knowledge for you all from time to time so you can live the best possible life you can.

Let's get started
Has it happened that you are in a good state and somebody says something awful to you, but you don't mind it?
On the contrary, when you are not in a good mood, minor inconveniences also seem to frustrate you.
This is called state dependent behaviour.

When you look at the world through a green glass, you see everything as green. When you look at the world through a red glass, everything looks red.
But when you look at the world through a clear glass, you can see everything crystal clear without any glitch or spots. This is how state filters our perception.

Based on our state, our behaviour and our responses to our environment changes.

Happiness is a state. Sadness is a state. Depression is a state. Suicidal is a state. Charisma is a state. Enthusiasm is a state. Sexiness is a state. Confidence is a state.

Your behaviour changes when you move from one state to another.

Your state and your posture is also connected. When you feel confident, you sit/stand straight with your chest inflated. When you are sad, you stoop low with bent spine. Change the State and your posture changes. Change your posture and your state changes.

Let's talk about a bit about confidence. We are living in uncertain times. We just had a pandemic a few years ago. Wars break out suddenly. AI is taking over. Confidence is not knowing the answer to living through the times, but it's a state where you know you'll manage to navigate through it even if the time gets rough.

With confidence, comes leadership and with leadership you naturally command respect and people start looking up to you. Confidence doesn't ensure that you'll succeed but it keeps you in a sense of control that you'll manage through whatever shows up. When you are confident, you automatically start becoming charismatic. Charisma and charm attracts people even if you are not so good looking. I have seen ugly people who don't even know how to communicate properly succeed at life just because of their confidence.

I'll give an interesting example. In my college days, semester exam was going on. I was having severe headache the day before my mechanical engineering subject's paper. I just couldn't study anything for the exam. I had no option but to sleep the whole day. As I was living in hostel, I had a room mate and our common friend was also preparing in our room. These two guys were preparing intensely. They didn't even sleep the whole night. I woke up in the morning, revised what I had studied in the class. I went to write the exam, I answered all the questions that would ensure that I pass the exam. Once I solved all those questions. I had a lot of time left, so I started solving other questions that I had not even studied. As mechanical engineering is more like a puzzle, that requires you to visualise how things are happening so you can fit in and solve the problems. I applied my brain to it and solved those questions also.
When i came back to my room, i was expecting that these guys would have done exceptionally well. But he said that he is going to fail. I actually totalled his marks and he was really failing. I was stunned. When the result came, I had better marks than both of them.
This is what confidence is. I was in the right state of mind, and the right state of mind made my mind resourceful and as my mind was resourceful, it was able to solve the problems that I never even practiced.

Talking about leadership, we used to have electives in college. In every year, I used to research before taking any elective. Whatever elective I used to choose in whichever semester, the entire class used to select that at first, I thought it was coincidence. But later, I realised it's my subtle influence due to the charisma I exuded. Even though I was not their leader, they were treating me as their leader.

With the theory and some examples to those theory, let's come to the practical points now.

1. You may be feeling lonely today, learn to be friends with yourself, learn to love yourself, respect yourself. Enjoy your company. Through the mirror neurons, when you love yourself and respect yourself, others also treat you the same way you treat yourself. I have been exceptionally good at academics, so I have had this superiority complex that I'm the most intelligent haha and everyone else in my class is dumber than me. Guess what, people treated me the exact same way. They treated me as an intelligent wise guy who's more intelligent than them. Because when i think that way about myself, i carry myself that way and through my body language and mirror neurons, i project that into their mind to treat me the same way.
2. Be resourceful and self sufficient. Even if you need love, don't show you need love. When you chase things, things run away. But when you get in the resourceful state, you attract things to you. I never said i love you to my crush, but it was her who told i love you to me twice. See? All of the three gfs i have had in my life, they were the ones who were attracted to me first. There were many other girls who proposed me. (I was a really shy guy deep inside but i didn't let that show in my body language)
3. Never tell anyone that you are sad, depressed or suicidal. The moment you tell them that you are of no use to them, they'll maintain distance from you leaving you all alone. That's when you'll experience loneliness. I told a very close friend of mine who's friends with me for 9 years that I'm going to ctb. She got angry and stopped talking. I told her so that she doesn't thinks after my demise that i have ghosted her. Because there's going to be no way by which she will be sure that I'm dead or alive. It'll remain a mystery for the rest of her life. But it backfired, she scolded me and stopped talking.
4. When you are in a love relationship, never put your own self respect below your love for your partner. When you do that, you'll be taken for granted. Don't be available all the time for everyone. Give yourself the time, love and care. That doesn't mean you shouldn't do special things for your partner. But if they are cold, don't be warmer than them. If you love people more than their expectation of love, you'll be taken for granted and they will drift away. Be protective and caring for your partner but don't be over protective and over caring. Don't try to be their parent. I used to become very caring and protective for the girl in my life, becoming available for them even i used to be ultra busy.. here I'm talking to vice president of HSBC on the other hand, I'm replying to her msgs. I could have told her that I'll reply later when I'm free. My 24x7 availability for her lowered my value in her mind. As I was over protective for her, one day she got irritated and told me, don't try to be my father. I had intention to shield her from bad experiences bcz i loved her so much. But it wasn't well received. When I behaved like an Alpha male, she was attracted to me, but when I became caring beta male, she lost that value.

These things don't work overnight, it takes some practice to work.

There's a small, simple but powerful visualisation exercise that you can do to program your mind to be confident and charismatic on auto pilot.

Close your eyes, take few deep breaths and relax. Imagine golden ball of light enter your head and slowly fill your body starting from head to Toe, part by part. Feel this warmth and energy filling your body.
Imagine yourself glowing with this golden warm energy. Imagine it moving out of your body and expanding into a ball of golden light around you. Imagine it getting more and more brighter and powerful.
(This part is called shielding, it will help you develop Good luck by protecting you from bad energy, if done regularly, it can also start healing you)
Now that you've strengthened your aura and protected your energy.
Imagine seeing a version of you which is confident, energetic, charismatic and electric . See how strongly that version of you is standing and how people are attracted towards this version of you. How this version of you is living your dream life. Add any other detail that you want to program in your mind.
Once you've seen that version, merge yourself with this version of you and become this version. Imagine that you've become this version, this confident, this energetic, this charismatic and electric . Feel how good you feel.
Open your eyes when you are done.

You can use the above visualisation for anything. Be creative and playful like a child for these techniques to work even faster.

Do this exercise daily to get fast results.

Disclaimer- this technique is for anyone who wishes to improve their social life and become a people magnet. Even if you want to ctb at some point, you can still try these simple to follow tips and techniques to improve your social life. I have written this article in such a way that I have given out clues on how you can change how you feel about your life.

 

[pepperfarmer]

Very good advice.

I'd also personally add that a person should ideally project in such a way that they attract the kinds of individuals they want to be around. Being generally charismatic and approachable can be very helpful, especially if you're pursuing a career where your personal brand is important (ex. lawyer) or important parts of your life depend on your social ability (ex. activist/militant), but many may see it as important or necessary to build a sturdier social network of people similar to them. So for example, you've mentioned that being openly sad, depressive or suicidal generally scares people, but some may want friendships where they can express this. For this purpose, you need to be able to attract the kinds of people that would be interested in building friendships with where you can express this and where they can express this back. Such a thing is more tricky, but can be done with proper expression and selection.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Very good advice.

I'd also personally add that a person should ideally project in such a way that they attract the kinds of individuals they want to be around. Being generally charismatic and approachable can be very helpful, especially if you're pursuing a career where your personal brand is important (ex. lawyer) or important parts of your life depend on your social ability (ex. activist/militant), but many may see it as important or necessary to build a sturdier social network of people similar to them. So for example, you've mentioned that being openly sad, depressive or suicidal generally scares people, but some may want friendships where they can express this. For this purpose, you need to be able to attract the kinds of people that would be interested in building friendships with where you can express this and where they can express this back. Such a thing is more tricky, but can be done with proper expression and selection.

Exactly!!!! Very well said.

Talking about people expressing their problems to you happens when they feel you are wise and intellectual. Because of the persona I reflected, people used to ask me how am I so positive. And I used to laugh off in my head, "yeah, of course" i just radiated that energy that ppl felt I'm positive. So, when I reflect wise, intellect and positive persona, i used to get a lot ppl who used to contact me to feel better and I managed to help them out as well. (Now everyone knows I'm depressed and suicidal, so only a handful of friends stick around)

On the contrary, on SaSu, it's a very different story. Things work differently on here. We are all aware that we are in the same boat so it's relatable and we can understand each other's pain, so it becomes easier to share our thoughts as we know we will not be judged.

 

[pepperfarmer]

Exactly!!!! Very well said.

Talking about people expressing their problems to you happens when they feel you are wise and intellectual. Because of the persona I reflected, people used to ask me how am I so positive. And I used to laugh off in my head, "yeah, of course" i just radiated that energy that ppl felt I'm positive. So, when I reflect wise, intellect and positive persona, i used to get a lot ppl who used to contact me to feel better and I managed to help them out as well. (Now everyone knows I'm depressed and suicidal, so only a handful of friends stick around)

On the contrary, on SaSu, it's a very different story. Things work differently on here. We are all aware that we are in the same boat so it's relatable and we can understand each other's pain, so it becomes easier to share our thoughts as we know we will not be judged.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't show my ass the way I've done here in other public spaces in a million years.

I mostly wrote the comment because a lot of people here complain about being unable to make 'deep' friendships, or that they feel disposable around the people they know. It could be a problem that someone manages to project confidence and become socially successful but ultimately feels frustrated because of the shallow nature of regular acquaintanceship and 'superficial' friendships. Hence, I think it is important people know that it takes different skills to get different things.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I wouldn't show my ass the way I've done here in other public spaces in a million years.

I mostly wrote the comment because a lot of people here complain about being unable to make 'deep' friendships, or that they feel disposable around the people they know. It could be a problem that someone manages to project confidence and become socially successful but ultimately feels frustrated because of the shallow nature of regular acquaintanceship and 'superficial' friendships. Hence, I think it is important people know that it takes different skills to get different things.

True that.
I used to get attached to people earlier.
I had this friend who was ultra social. As he was my best friend, so i used to expect him to stay with me, but he would behave like a monkey. He would keep jumping from people to people leaving me alone by myself. I learnt this from him, that in life, we can't depend on others. We need to have a circle.
Like, if I suppose don't have to ctb.
As a member of society, i need to have all kinds of contacts, some will be friends, some will be acquaintances, others may just be network to tap into their resources such as job referral, or may be, if there's a doctor I know, I may get better services at a hospital where he or his friends work.

Society is structured in such a way that it's not fit for introverts like us. Back in my college days, when i used to interact with ppl, i used to think they are my friends. I was so naive. They were just there to tap into my resources.
So that gave me an idea how society functions. It's all about network.. And there's a saying, your network defines your net worth.

If you have right contacts, you can get the right opportunities at the right time.

Coming back to the idea of loneliness, I think schools should train kids on how to build relationships so they become respectful people who care for each other and create warm relationships. Society could be much better.