Discussion How to be apologetic in my note without seeming arrogant?

[enviro400mmc]

So I've been wondering about this for a while, just generally in the case that I ever actually ctb and leave a note.

I want to apologise in my note and make clear to my family that I did understand that they loved and cared about me and that I did equally. I also want to just generally apologise to anyone who I've really interacted with for the fact that my relationship with them was not enough to stop me from wanting to end my life, because I don't want people to feel guilty about my death, particularly when you consider that the people who are most likely to actually care are the same people least deserving of any feeling of guilt about my death.

The problem is that I have to be careful with how strongly I word it, because I don't to sound narcissistic, like I am saying 'oh no I know everyone absolutely loved me and I am sorry I am about single-handedly ruin your life' because this obviously is not true and I will sound like a manipulative twat. Also, I don't want to falsely give the impression that I felt overly loved or popular because it would make me seem particularly stupid for wanting to ctb. I guess I am asking for advice but I kind of just wanted to vent lol.

The other thing I'm kind of unsure about is whether there is anything I can do in my note to stop my suicide from becoming some kind of SN/SaSu inquest. My biggest fear is that my suicide becomes some kind of scapegoat paraded around the media like what has happened to Tom Parfett, a guy who was clearly very similar to me and now has his name plastered around the internet as a 'victim' of SN while everyone conveniently ignores the fact he and his mental health had both been neglected for years. I've occasionally bought up this kind of sentiment with my family and have been pleasantly surprised by how sympathetic and respectful they have been about it, but I think that might partially be due to the fact I don't appear to them as someone who is going to ctb any time soon.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

One way to approach this might be to focus on your own experience and feelings, rather than making assumptions about how others feel. For example, you could say something like, "I want you to know that I loved and appreciated you, even though I was struggling with my own mental health issues." This acknowledges your own feelings and the complexity of the situation, without putting pressure or guilt on others.

Regarding your concern about your suicide becoming a media spectacle, it's understandable to want to avoid that outcome. One way to potentially reduce the risk of that happening is to be clear in your note about your own reasons for choosing to ctb. You could state that your decision was a personal one and not related to any external factors. It may also be helpful to communicate your own experiences with mental health and any struggles you may have faced in seeking help. By doing so, you can help to shift the focus away from sensationalizing your death and towards addressing the broader issues surrounding mental health.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Be as you may, it's your last note anyways

 

[gizzreid]

just be honest, it's the final words from you so if you fear you sound like a narcissist say you don't mean to sound like it. my note is just everything upfront, i wasn't gonna be super honest until i asked reddit if i should write a note and multiple people who lost a loved one to suicide replied basically begging me to write one. their late loved ones didn't write one or wasn't fully honest in them and it destroys them to this day. at the end of the day, it's the last thing you will ever say to them. i don't think they'll be too concerned about if you sound conceited or not rather than being concerned you are dead.

 

[Aisley]

I would write the note out, then reread it, and any notes to make, include them in a second draft, maybe all in parenthesis or something like that. Like a few sentences come off as conceited? Say it. Right there, like (jeez those are some narcissistic words right there, and I didn't mean it that way) or (totally butchered that word/sentence) I'm a nerd. If I was left a note by a loved one that showed a whole sequence of thoughts, I would cherish it forever and reread with an absolutely unhealthy obsession, see little bits of humour and take comfort from them, like look, he was able to laugh that last day, that's something. You probably have no idea all the crazy little things your mom kept of you growing up. Anyway, it's an idea.