Venting how the fuck am I supposed to be functional in a dysfunctional household

[author]

I've been stuck living with my family for my whole life, unable to successfully move out despite attempting to do so before, and I'm approaching my mid-twenties.

Without getting into the specifics; I'm disabled with chronic pain and it's hard for me to work and clean. After years of scraping and struggling, I finally managed to get a job. That's helped a lot in at least making sure I can have consistent meals. However, the house is absolutely a fucking wreck. I live with my mother and my older brother, both of which have always been keen to blame me for literally everything even when there is no possible way I could have done whatever they're accusing me of. They want me, the disabled person who is dizzy just sitting here writing this, to clean the entire fucking house.

I don't mind cleaning when others actually do their part too. Herein lies part of the problem. My family doesn't do jack shit, my mom has always had hoarder tendencies, and my brother is too busy sinking money into scams to care. It's always "can you do all of these chores right now and if you say you need a few minutes I will explode" and as I'm doing the chores I hear the stupid fuckers laughing at whatever they're watching, sitting on their asses doing fucking NOTHING.

On the rare days when I'm not working and have energy, I have pushed myself past my limits to try and clean and organize and I usually get pretty far. I've managed to get our kitchen into mostly working order before. Then, my family gets home, look at how much I've cleaned, and they say something along the lines of; "why didn't you do the rest of the house too?"

Then, in the following days, they inevitably trash the fucking place again. The counters I cleared off are filled with junk. Everything is in disarray. My mother sees the new space available and goes "oh goodie! more space for me to buy 50 more things we don't need and will never use!!" and my brother just lets it happen - and I absolutely cannot do anything to stop her or risk being a target. And I mean, fuck - there have been times I was away from the house for a few days or even a week so I couldn't have contributed to the mess in any way - but it still ends up WORSE THAN IT WAS WHEN I LEFT.

It's to the point where I don't bother to clean anymore, because I know it will end up worse than it was before - but because of that, my family gets on my fucking case and starts calling me lazy. They say I never do anything and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Mind you, it's not like thanks are required for basic chores, but I'm disabled and cleaning up what's essentially a hoarder situation in the desperate hopes it won't get worse, and not only do they not thank me - they INSULT me by demanding more from me and calling me lazy if I won't or even CAN'T provide that. They claim they do everything and I do nothing and not only can I find no evidence to support this, but the house falls the fuck apart when I'm not managing it.

I want to move out so badly. I wish I didn't live in a country that fucking hates disabled people. I wish shit wasn't so fucking expensive. I wish I could just LEAVE, but I can't. the reality is that I just can't. I tell myself; "maybe one day!" but how long. how fucking long. I have no savings, no degree, no future. I work dead-end minimum wage. how fucking long.

My only hope is that one of my friends will inherit her house from her mother and let me move in with her, or another one of my friends will stop using their second house as a vacation home and let me live there since they know how bad my situation is. When I type that out it sounds a lot worse. I don't like that my freedom hinges on others' kindness and tolerance of my presence, especially because my family has convinced me that living with me is just the worst fate imaginable apparently.

I don't know what to do, or if there's anything I even CAN do - I'm SICK of this FUCKING HOUSE. I'm sick of the fridge being filled with rotten fucking food that I'm not allowed to throw away or risk being screamed at. I hate the stupid fucking broken shit I'm not allowed to throw away because "it's still usable!!" even though we have 20 more of the fucking thing that AREN'T BROKEN. I HATE BEING TRATED LIKE IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT THAT MY MOTHER IS A HOARDER WHO NEVER BOTHERED TO TEACH ME ANYTHING; HOW TO COOK, CLEAN, OR EVEN LIVE. AND I TAUGHT MYSELF EVERYTHING I KNOW. BUT I'M TREATED LIKE A FUCKING MORON WHEN SOMETHING COMES UP THAT I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DO, AS IF I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST COME OUT THE WOMB WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE.

I'm just sick of it.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I've been stuck living with my family for my whole life, unable to successfully move out despite attempting to do so before, and I'm approaching my mid-twenties.

Without getting into the specifics; I'm disabled with chronic pain and it's hard for me to work and clean. After years of scraping and struggling, I finally managed to get a job. That's helped a lot in at least making sure I can have consistent meals. However, the house is absolutely a fucking wreck. I live with my mother and my older brother, both of which have always been keen to blame me for literally everything even when there is no possible way I could have done whatever they're accusing me of. They want me, the disabled person who is dizzy just sitting here writing this, to clean the entire fucking house.

I don't mind cleaning when others actually do their part too. Herein lies part of the problem. My family doesn't do jack shit, my mom has always had hoarder tendencies, and my brother is too busy sinking money into scams to care. It's always "can you do all of these chores right now and if you say you need a few minutes I will explode" and as I'm doing the chores I hear the stupid fuckers laughing at whatever they're watching, sitting on their asses doing fucking NOTHING.

On the rare days when I'm not working and have energy, I have pushed myself past my limits to try and clean and organize and I usually get pretty far. I've managed to get our kitchen into mostly working order before. Then, my family gets home, look at how much I've cleaned, and they say something along the lines of; "why didn't you do the rest of the house too?"

Then, in the following days, they inevitably trash the fucking place again. The counters I cleared off are filled with junk. Everything is in disarray. My mother sees the new space available and goes "oh goodie! more space for me to buy 50 more things we don't need and will never use!!" and my brother just lets it happen - and I absolutely cannot do anything to stop her or risk being a target. And I mean, fuck - there have been times I was away from the house for a few days or even a week so I couldn't have contributed to the mess in any way - but it still ends up WORSE THAN IT WAS WHEN I LEFT.

It's to the point where I don't bother to clean anymore, because I know it will end up worse than it was before - but because of that, my family gets on my fucking case and starts calling me lazy. They say I never do anything and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Mind you, it's not like thanks are required for basic chores, but I'm disabled and cleaning up what's essentially a hoarder situation in the desperate hopes it won't get worse, and not only do they not thank me - they INSULT me by demanding more from me and calling me lazy if I won't or even CAN'T provide that. They claim they do everything and I do nothing and not only can I find no evidence to support this, but the house falls the fuck apart when I'm not managing it.

I want to move out so badly. I wish I didn't live in a country that fucking hates disabled people. I wish shit wasn't so fucking expensive. I wish I could just LEAVE, but I can't. the reality is that I just can't. I tell myself; "maybe one day!" but how long. how fucking long. I have no savings, no degree, no future. I work dead-end minimum wage. how fucking long.

My only hope is that one of my friends will inherit her house from her mother and let me move in with her, or another one of my friends will stop using their second house as a vacation home and let me live there since they know how bad my situation is. When I type that out it sounds a lot worse. I don't like that my freedom hinges on others' kindness and tolerance of my presence, especially because my family has convinced me that living with me is just the worst fate imaginable apparently.

I don't know what to do, or if there's anything I even CAN do - I'm SICK of this FUCKING HOUSE. I'm sick of the fridge being filled with rotten fucking food that I'm not allowed to throw away or risk being screamed at. I hate the stupid fucking broken shit I'm not allowed to throw away because "it's still usable!!" even though we have 20 more of the fucking thing that AREN'T BROKEN. I HATE BEING TRATED LIKE IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT THAT MY MOTHER IS A HOARDER WHO NEVER BOTHERED TO TEACH ME ANYTHING; HOW TO COOK, CLEAN, OR EVEN LIVE. AND I TAUGHT MYSELF EVERYTHING I KNOW. BUT I'M TREATED LIKE A FUCKING MORON WHEN SOMETHING COMES UP THAT I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DO, AS IF I'M SUPPOSED TO JUST COME OUT THE WOMB WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE.

I'm just sick of it.

I'M STUCK WITH MY FAMILY TOO!!! You're not alone, it's hard to post about because then I feel the need to clarify I'm still an adult, I feel like the economy is so bad nowadays that mentioning I still live with my parents shouldn't make me feel the need to clarify my age, and I assume this is part of why you felt the need to say you're almost in your mid-twenties. I want to move out it's just not possible right now, so just know someone else understands. I'm sorry you are in a similar boat.

 

[author]

I'M STUCK WITH MY FAMILY TOO!!! You're not alone, it's hard to post about because then I feel the need to clarify I'm still an adult, I feel like the economy is so bad nowadays that mentioning I still live with my parents shouldn't make me feel the need to clarify my age, and I assume this is part of why you felt the need to say you're almost in your mid-twenties. I want to move out it's just not possible right now, so just know someone else understands. I'm sorry you are in a similar boat.

Yeah I feel you. The economy is fucked. I feel like if I don't specify how old I am, still stuck with these shitty assholes, people will just go "oh but you'll be 18 soon and then you can move out" - as if any of us would've had the means to do that at 18 with the way shit is lol,,

 

[Hvergelmir]

I want to move out so badly.

You say that you are working, and I suspect that there are living arrangements you can afford.
Even a single room in someone's apartment sounds like it would be a step up. My advice is to look for something temporary.

When stuck in a somewhat similar living arrangement a few years ago, I found an improvised 1 room apartment attached to someone's house.
Not great, but cheap and livable, and it allowed me the peace of mind to take the next step.
Maybe you can do something similar?

 

[author]

You say that you are working, and I suspect that there are living arrangements you can afford.
Even a single room in someone's apartment sounds like it would be a step up. My advice is to look for something temporary.

When stuck in a somewhat similar living arrangement a few years ago, I found an improvised 1 room apartment attached to someone's house.
Not great, but cheap and livable, and it allowed me the peace of mind to take the next step.
Maybe you can do something similar?

Currently I make minimum wage with barely any hours and have no credit. I'm very lucky if I make 700 a month after taxes with my current hours, but it's probably more like 500 or less. Part of the no credit thing is because I wasn't "allowed" to have my own bank account until I went behind my mother's back to get one, and part of that was because I had no income until recently. Because of all that I'd probably have to live with someone if I managed to move out.

I did try to move out once a few years ago; I used my college funds to run off with people who said they'd help me by letting me live in their apartment with them. Long story short they abused the shit out of me, took all my money, and kicked me out - so I had to crawl back to my family.

Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the suggestion, and I wish I could take it, but given my track record I feel I'm more likely to get into a bad situation. Plus, since I have no savings, no credit, make minimum wage on shit hours, and have trauma with roommates - I'm not extremely optimistic on affording even the worst apartment in my area. The cheapest apartment where I'd have to live with other people in a tiny space would be at least 1.3k a month from what I've gathered while searching, and the landlord would likely require me to prove that I make double that.

 

[Hvergelmir]

cheapest apartment where I'd have to live with other people in a tiny space would be at least 1.3k

I obviously don't know where you are, or what that particular market is like, but I'm unable to believe that it's strictly true.
I can be wrong, but I think a more accessible area/market is accessible, regardless of where you live.

A caravan/trailer is also an option. It proved too small for me a my dog, during cold, wet, and muddy winters. But it still sounds like a step up from where you are.
If you live in a more temperate area and alone, I think it could be pretty comfortable.

Look around. Remain creative.
Don't stare yourself blind on homes that are double your price range.

I wish you best of luck. I've moved around a lot, and I genuinely believe that there are decent options out there.