How old were you when you first became suicidal

[k75]

I thought I was for a little while in my early teens, but I wasn't really. I think it was just normal teenage stuff.

I first started truly feeling suicidal around 33 or so and began making rough plans when I was about 38 maybe? It wasn't until I was about 40 that it felt like it was just inevitable and my plan started solidifying. The feeling just keeps getting worse, I guess.

 

[Joplin]

i wonder if i was wired different to other normal people, my brother ended his life when he was around 40 after a tumultuous life, maybe its hereditary

I've once heard that your genetics is the gun and circumstances the trigger. It's within us. Puberty can create a good trigger as does painful childhood trauma or generational trauma and abuse.

 

[AQUA]

Ive never known a world where i havent died by suicide :( how could i fight for a life im incapable of seeing

 

[ExhaustedExistence]

I was passively suicidal since 12. I really wanted to die, but I wasn't able to think how I would do it. Still, I guess it counts too.

Then, I've been actively suicidal since 16. My mental state has become from bad to worse and I've started thinking about the methods. But still, I don't have any.

And now... Here I am. 20 years old depressed girl looking for methods on a suicide forum.

 

[loopylou]

16

 

[lanax09]

10 or 11, probably just after 11

 

[ClownMe]

I was 12 (2013), just before I started high school.

 

[TowerUpright]

Id say about 11 years old. I didn't want to live, said good night to my dog, and swallowed something labeled poison. I thought I'd go to sleep and not wake up. Turns out, it was mildly poisonous and I woke up like nothing happened.

And I was sad about waking up. After a suicide attempt. At 11 years old.

To all of the therapists who think suicide is an impulsive behavior, I'm afraid I disagree.

 

[motel rooms]

6-10

 

[Fthis]

Younger than 10. Early elementary school. Have a vivid memory of myself crying in front of a mirror wailing that I'm ugly and want to die. Maybe I didn't want to actually die, but the seed was planted around that time.

My first attempt was at 8 but I'm questioning if I was actually suicidal then. I thought the world would be better off without me and wondered if the afterlife was real so I tried to breathe water, but yeah, once the seeds are planted your probably going to end up suicidal.

 

[8hidden_emotions8]

I was pretty young, I was six years old. I remember getting angry with my mom about something (can't remember what it was) and I said to her something like"then I'll just kill myself". She responded "I don't care, go do it". Then I went upstairs to my room, grabbed a belt and wrapped it around my throat and hung the rest of the belt over the door. I shut the door and tried to shift my body weight to "hang" myself. It didn't work, the door wasn't high enough. And before you say six is young - I was a pretty messed up kid.