Discussion How old are you and how long have you been depressed or suicidal?

[froggy_enjoyer]

20 and i first started wanting to kms when I was 12. I grew up in an abusive household and I had undiagnosed (at the time) issues that made it harder. I was failed by every adult growing up and now I'm mentally in hell.

 

[dendronize]

Early 30s, I had signs of depression around 9-10yo, but actually started feeling suicidal at around 11-12. Since then the depression and suicidality has been on/off - middle/high school terrible, college mostly good, grad school terrible leading to an attempt, years after that ok, and now getting pretty bad...

 

[Zetsubou]

So many young folk in this thread. My heart aches for what you've already been through.

30 years old. I first became depressed when I was around 13, at a time when my relationship with my family began falling apart, and my suicidal ideation started when I was 15.

 

[gentleflower]

Early 30s as well.
First real problems with depression began with 11/12. Was the time I suffered from SA and the bullying in school had picked up. First time wanting to end it were with roughly 14.

 

[ScissorYoda]

I am 28, was first depressed around age 12, first suicidal around age 16, since then suicidal ideation has come and gone. I have been genuinely happy for sometimes months at a time, and also depressed for months at a time. This time around is quite fresh, slowly started dipping around 1 month ago

 

[ladidabi]

I'm turning 21 in a few months. I've not wanted to be here for as long as I can remember, but it started to really go downhill at the age of 12-13.

 

[tuyu]

In my 20s - 30s and have had depression since I was a kid (5-7 yo) because of shit parents and alienation from other kids. I remember trying so hard to be normal because I did not want to continue feeling the misery I felt almost daily and telling myself to continue surviving til after college. My parents didn't know what to do when teachers called me out for behavioral problems, they sent me to a therapist and then stopped for god knows why.

And here I am. I basically give up on trying too hard for the things I had wanted in life like having a family which actually cares about me. It's easier to not try anymore than to keep trying and continue being disappointed at the lack of outcome………

Edit: it's not like they "dont care" but they don't know how to really care which tbh isn't that hard just googling and being more open and receptive to news articles about such topics would help…… I even read some nyt article about how some mom sent her kid with behavioral problems to a therapist to learn how to manage their emotions better as well as for saying that they wanted to off themselves out of impulse. After the repeated sessions the kid seemingly felt more assured about their parents love for them and said that they don't feel like offing themselves out of impulse anymore. Well, something like that. But nope my parents don't ever bother with this :)

Tldr: perceived suffering since young despite being from a first world country — too "woke" and have been depressed ever since I remember.

 

[user1912012]

I'm 18, and I've been depressed for 6 years and suicidal for 5.

 

[hyzenthlay96]

I rather my age not be disclosed, but I will say the same as the user above, 20-30s. Again, the same as that user, I've been depressed since around 5. Suicidal my entire life. Since birth I've been exposed to the horrors of life, violence, chaos, death, ect. Living a nightmare with false promises of beauty and good fortune, no amount of satisfaction is worth a lifetime of this.
My first time trying to ctb was around age 9. I've had 8 more failed attempts since then throughout my life. I'm rotten to the core and can't take this anymore.

 

[princeofbread]

i'm 20, i was formally diagnosed with depression when i was only 7, though obviously i was feeling bad before that. it's been a really long road with other disorders and such too, unfortunately

 

[bloberta]

25. the first time i realised i genuinely wanted to die was when i was 19. it's been on and off since then but pretty much constant these last few months

 

[Brainslushy]

almost 21yo. been depressed and shut in since 14yo. I didn't experience how deep the well could truly go until two years ago, which is when I felt "true" suicidal ideation.

 

[LigottiSchopenhauer]

25, almost 26. When I was 16 and suicidal, everyone told me "it gets better!" But it only got worse. At least now I can easily buy booze.

 

[alpris13]

Can't remember the exact age, but even prior to 8 years old i remember there being situations when i thought about suicide. I would say i really started to form the idea that i wanted to genuinely die around 13. I had a year or two where i didn't really think about it at all, but i'm 20 now and it always comes back.

 

[orca87]

I'm 36
Now, I'm pretty sure that I have never had a morning in my life that I woke up rested.

I'm pretty sure I've had an atypical depression (normal mood reactivity, but heavy fatigue and problems in social interactions) since I was 5. My first suicidal ideation was about age 15.

I struggled with life, had hope but fell from crisis to crisis. I was just unable to live.

Now, this incompetence destroyed everything, relationship, friends, housing, job, hope.

I can clearly say that I'm done.

The last year was intense for me. I did everything to recover. I got a new relationship, did exercise at least 3 times a week no matter how I felt. Got new career opportunities. I feel I'm not pathologicaly depressed right now. In fact, i see clearly that what i called life for the last 30 days has been an illusion built on the hope of "things will get better". But there is no outcome that could make me happy anymore.

 

[Storyteller]

Currently 22
I started realize presence of depression at 13 and from there it got worse. No treatment, no good support from anyone, just "suck it up" or "you just being lazy" and sh*t like that. That's why it never got better even though I tried living normaly, with depressive thoughts at the back of my head but then they became more frequent and impossible to ignore. Around 17-18 I've tried cbt for the first time. Suicidal since than.

 

[Square251]

I'm 23 and I've been depressed since I was 16 I think. I've always been an outcast and just generally not like other kids but it was at 16 when I realized, what the fuck am I doing? I've just been on autopilot for 16 years. A lot of factors caused this but it only got worse from there with more and more stress factors as I got older and became an adult. I've been through a lot of lows, the worst one was when I was forced through ECT. It was horrible and I still don't understand how anyone could prescribe it with a clear conscience. I still barely remember that period because of the amnesia it caused. If I ever do become a psychiatrist eventually, I swear to fuck I'll punch anyone who tells me it's a good idea.

 

[heartbroken12]

30, depressed since 19. Intensely suicidal for <6 months due to the distress of a preventable, life changing illness

 

[huntergirl14]

25. and I think it's been 4 years. Before the depression, I had severe anxiety due to my own family and friends bullying me every day. I was nothing back then, ugly AF, but now I look okayish and have a really good job so they kind of shut up. However, I'm not happy with myself

 

[underscore]

im 20 & i been suicidal as long as i can remember-my earliest memory of suicidal ideation was me asking my mamma to stab me, i was in the 2nd grade. i definitely showed other concerning behavior as a kid. i started figuring out i was depressed around age 9-12, having early internet access gave me that portal 2 find people like me

 

[Bitterman1996]

24, i dont do well socially from the start but when i entered university and eventually dropped out at 16, it just became much worse

 

[Mixfeels]

im thirty.. think i have bin depressed ever since i hit puberty
being trans didnt help either, was repressing for so long, now that im finaly out i thought things would be better
its not, apparently borderline-ish (getting it checked out but they seem sure)
might explain my chaotic life..

 

[LiminalFantasies]

I'm 24. I started being suicidal on and off since I was on high school around 12th grade (US) in 2017. Sensing that my closest online friend I've ever made so far was drifting away and losing interest after 2 years of constant contact from 2019 to 2021, further exacerbated my mental health.

At the moment I'm feeling alright, but I'm recently feeling a bit melancholic. I got diagnosed with ADHD in Janurary 2021, evidenced by my childhood that I barely talked, was hyperactive and always didn't pay attention to my surroundings until I turned 7 with more devolved communciation skills thanks to therapy sessions I had back then. Was also diagnosed with "autism" (of the functional side of the spectrum), but I don't I think I fit into that category at all. Was probably misdiagnosed because I refused to make friends at school on purpose and knew what I was doing. All of this stems from my mom worrying about my social life and why I didn't wanted to make friends in the first place.

 

[Whistea]

I'm 27. The first time severe depression kicked in for me, at least the first time that I consciously noticed, was around 2015. So a solid 8 years now. Fucking hell.

 

[roadtogo]

36 years old. Wanted to be gone since 16

 

[JJMaynard97]

I'm 25 years old and I'd say I've been suicidal for a year or so. Was always obsessed with dying as a kid. Always look into things like famous people's death. ect.......

 

[trist]

i am 19, have been depressed since 14 and suicidal since 15-16

 

[Ki_Nam]

34. since 13

 

[inpursuitofpeace]

20's & suicidal since I was 6.

 

[Regen]

I am 43 and I am depressiv since I am a child/a teen. My depressions get really bad when I was 14/15. When I was 16 I was in a psych ward for a long time. It was a difficult but also good time.

Sometimes I feel like a teen today because emotionally my life in some way stopped at this time. Sometimes I think when I will be healthy my life gos on at the age of 17. That's sad.

In many things my life dont stop, I study, go to work, had a boyfriend, have kids. But because of my depression, it often feels like: I was in the middle of it, but not there.

I am not sure how often I tried to kill myself, because there was always a little last wish to live. If this was only SI or some little hope, I dont know.

In 2023 I really try recovery. Depression, BPD and ADD will always be a problem in my life, but I hope I will learn to better cope with it. I have to care for my little inner child. This is hard work and I am not really good in this, but I have hope, because others before were successfull with that.

I wish all the best for you. I wish you love and peace inside.