Discussion How many years do you think you will remain alive ? #39

[MeltingBrain]

If things continue to tumble , I give myself a MAXIMUM of 3 years on this planet before I CTB . I have a physical ailment which keeps getting worse . I can't even walk properly now . I would rather get a dignified exit early than die becoming a vegetable .
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#39
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[アホペンギン]

I'm unable to answer this question exactly… I'm attempting very often but there's a family member who is also suicidal and has many attempts, even a minor.. I have to make sure they don't do anything too serious to themselves and that may cost me to stay alive for about 5 more years, if I'm able to resist the urges of attempting and if I fail my next attempts.

I really wish this wasn't the case because I have very bad abandonment issues and many of my friends from SS will ctb within 5 years, it'll pose some problems for me and in addition to this, it may be increasingly harder to ctb in the coming years if the society continues doing what it's doing..

 

[MeltingBrain]

I'm unable to answer this question exactly… I'm attempting very often but there's a family member who is also suicidal and has many attempts, even a minor.

Why does he want to CTB ?

 

[アホペンギン]

Why does he want to CTB ?

It is actually a she, but it's fine.
I'm not exactly sure why she wants to ctb but this all started very recently, she's 13 right now and she has been suicidal since she was 12, with lots of attempts.
I have a guess, though, she has been told many times by her family that she isn't cared about and that definitely ruined her already bad mental health. Mental health issues run in the family (she is my cousin) so with her bad mental health she'd obviously become suicidal.. It's sad how people are suicidal at such young ages…

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Am 22 now, but I WILL make sure I die before 25

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Living beyond the next 6 months is not going to happen. I find the prospect of existing for another year absolutely horrifying.
There are too many things wrong: worsening mental illnesses, dire financial problems, housing problems, existential problems.
The juice ain't worth the squeeze anymore.

 

[SleepySept]

I've very deeply promised during my childhood that I wouldn't let myself survive past adulthood and regret my failed attempts, so now I won't let myself waste any more time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I dread to think, as sadly we exist in this hellish reality where we aren't allowed to just die in peace. It's so horrible how we cannot just choose to sleep eternally even despite the fact that existence was so harmfully imposed onto us in the first place, it's terrifying how this existence could potentially continue for a long time.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Living beyond the next 6 months is not going to happen. I find the prospect of existing for another year absolutely horrifying.
There are too many things wrong: worsening mental illnesses, dire financial problems, housing problems, existential problems.
The juice ain't worth the squeeze anymore.

You and me both. Probably 2 months max for me.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

You and me both. Probably 2 months max for me.

Yeah, same : I'm thinking of going sometime in early January after all the Xmas bollocks has died down.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Yeah, same : I'm thinking of going sometime in early January after all the Xmas bollocks has died down.

Same, but then I think why am I even waiting? Who knows, it's all weird. I have all of the same issues as you. Mental health (BPD), financial and housing which of course leads to existential crisis. I am sticking with jumping. I see we joined the site around the same time. I've noticed a trend of about two/three months for people to actually commit once they've joined. That is not an absolute, just a trend. If they haven't committed by then it seems like they just stick around commiserating. I don't want to stick around just to continue in despair.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I don't even know. I may not have to ctb in the first place as I may just die by simply being too inept to continue on living

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I want to ctb some time between this year and the new year but I need still need to setup some things and make sure that I time it right. I'm paranoid that something will happen and I'll have to postpone it...

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same, but then I think why am I even waiting? Who knows, it's all weird. I have all of your same issues as you. Mental health (BPD), financial and housing which of course leads to existential crisis. I am sticking with jumping. I see we joined the site around the same time. I've noticed a trend of about two/three months for people to actually commit once they've joined. That is not an absolute. Just a trend. If they haven't committed by then it seems like they just stick around commiserating. I don't want to stick around just to continue in despair.

Yeah, I still have a few things to sort out before I go. I'm then going to book a cheapo hotel for a couple of days before ctb.
Everything is quieter after Xmas and hotels are usually less packed and cheaper .
If I'm jumping I'll book a hotel in Eastbourne and just spend what money I have left drinking and chilling out, and getting ready to become a flying human at beachy head.
I've noticed the 2 / 3 months trend too, and don't want to hang around much longer . To do so is unthinkable to me.
Sorry you are going through the same issues too.

 

[NocturnILL]

I honestly didn't think I'd make it THIS far and I am 31…

No more years, mid December is what I am aiming for

 

[loser098]

A year. Two at most. I'm being pressured to integrate into society while having little experience.

None of this makes sense but having my favorite person made it bearable. They're gone, so what do I have?

Luckily, I've found a (seemingly) easy method.

 

[get.some.sleep]

A year. Two at most. I'm being pressured to integrate into society while having little experience.

None of this makes sense but having my favorite person made it bearable. They're gone, so what do I have?

Luckily, I've found a (seemingly) easy method.

This sounds so much like my story. The person I lived for left earlier this year and I just can't find peace. Let me know if you want to talk. Also, I'm curious what method you're referring to.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I don't even know. I may not have to ctb in the first place as I may just die by simply being too inept to continue on living

What do you mean by "too inept to survive" . Job ? Socialization ?

A year. Two at most. I'm being pressured to integrate into society while having little experience.

None of this makes sense but having my favorite person made it bearable. They're gone, so what do I have?

Luckily, I've found a (seemingly) easy method.

Sad to hear you lost someone whom you loved so much .
Forced socialization can be a pain in the ass.

@MeltingBrain I love your avatar/thumbnail gif

Thank you

 

[loser098]

This sounds so much like my story. The person I lived for left earlier this year and I just can't find peace. Let me know if you want to talk. Also, I'm curious what method you're referring to.

Glad someone can relate.

What sucks is that she said she's just going to keep hurting me, and that I should just give up. Some really fucked stuff transpired, which caused me to behave in a creepy/desperate way that I regret heavily now. I want to see the good in her…but there isn't any. Things were indescribably perfect until recently. I'd like a lobotomy so I can erase her from my brain.

Anyway, the method is here:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11322996_Unusual_Suicidal_Smothering_by_Means_of_Multiple_Loops_of_Adhesive_Gummed_Tape

 

[get.some.sleep]

Glad someone can relate.

What sucks is that she said she's just going to keep hurting me, and that I should just give up. Some really fucked stuff transpired, which caused me to behave in a creepy/desperate way that I regret heavily now. I want to see the good in her…but there isn't any. Things were indescribably perfect until recently. I'd like a lobotomy so I can erase her from my brain.

Anyway, the method is here:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/11322996_Unusual_Suicidal_Smothering_by_Means_of_Multiple_Loops_of_Adhesive_Gummed_Tape

My ex said something similar the day she finally broke things off after months of us trying to work on it. I begged her to stay and said I forgave her for hurting me but it wasn't enough. I found out she had someone new within a couple of weeks (I'm guessing probably sooner, like she was probably cheating on me, but that's when I found out) so I guess it was all just lip service. I made so many bad decisions and now all I think about is how I could have fixed things if only I had known I was going to lose her. But she told me all the time that I was perfect and even though I knew I was fucking up sometimes because of my addiction and mental health issues I told myself it didn't matter because of the fact she always told me I was perfect and that she couldn't wait to spend her life with me. I feel you about the lobotomy but also it's like all the best memories I've ever had were with her, which is simultaneously a good thing and the worst thing ever.

 

[Arihman]

Let's see, in my case, I think it will be in 1 or 2 years at best. First, I will need to decide between hanging, and SN (including all additional medicines, and material to test it). But for the latter method, I will need money, so I will have to find a job. Problem is, I'm quite inept, and I lack the experience and skill to find one (this is also due to the job market becoming more and more competitive), not to mention that I also lack the social skills required in many jobs, meaning it will be substantially harder for me to find one.

So, ultimately, I might just end up hanging myself, especially if I both don't find a job, and if more SN resources end up being taken down. Meaning I will have to take more risks than necessary. Thanks, you anti-choice assholes, for trying to restrict peaceful methods as much as possible, I hope you all die horribly of brain cancer, that's exactly what you should get for denying people the right to check out, while also forcing them to pay for their own existence that they can't leave because you motherfucking children of a whore said so. Thank you.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

What do you mean by "too inept to survive" . Job ? Socialization ?

Both of them, yes. But also because I'm awful at gaining life skills or understanding common sense. Though the idea around employment and socialisation is the major component of it

 

[abl2023]

A year or two max. Living is truly a pain. Incredibly lonely.

 

[Anon1337]

Not long. Less than a year.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

I'm pushing 30 I wish I woulda died back in 2017. Life is just soooooooooooo fucking boring, even when it's not even bad it's just boring. Never really wanted to live at least not for this long, this shit isn't enjoyable

 

[sserafim]

0 to 1. I want to die before my 25th birthday (September 2025). I can't imagine being in my mid 20s. I never even wanted to live past 18. I've lived too long…

 

[AnxietyHangover]

This is the year for me, more specifically my deadline is September. I either achieve my goal, or I'll ctb. My therapist convinced me to attempt this one last thing before throwing my life away and I'm giving it a try, September being the month when I see the results.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

In short, I'd rather not see the end of 2024.

 

[MeltingBrain]

This is the year for me, more specifically my deadline is September. I either achieve my goal, or I'll ctb. My therapist convinced me to attempt this one last thing before throwing my life away and I'm giving it a try, September being the month when I see the results.

Do you mind sharing what that thing is ?

 

[sserafim]

This is the year for me, more specifically my deadline is September. I either achieve my goal, or I'll ctb. My therapist convinced me to attempt this one last thing before throwing my life away and I'm giving it a try, September being the month when I see the results.

My deadline is next September. September was the start of all of my troubles