Story How many times have you committed suicide?

[leavingthesoultrap]

A successful one? Possibly at least once. I think I used to be my grandfather's sister who hung herself in her 20s

 

[§∆T∆π]

I remember pulling a cord so tightly, everything faded and became darker and darker. I started whisper screaming, fuck yes! Fuck all of you! And I passed out but woke up again smh. I guess, call it self harm, but I tried rigging my hands so I wouldnt wake up. (i was drinking)
I remember how in control I felt. I was mobbed at my old job, thyssen krupp. And idk it was off but I wasn't sleeping right and I scream cried on a drive. Someone big on the line said, "Nobody cares if you drink poison. Faggot. Dyke. "
And I mean, big name. They called him Joe. He looked like it too. Call it summer camp, I guess haha I had so many attempts this year. It was way worse than any other year in my life. I don't even get why. Sometimes all it takes is a rainbow bracelet. And he did look at it before saying faggot and dyke.
I had to order SN like over 6 times because either I didn't do it right, or being in my car in a wooded area, wayyyyyy out, there were magic construction workers doing "yard work" lol so I'd have to cut short and leave, throw it away. Id drink it all night like a wine hag, still nothing. Such a scam. Maybe the alcohol was enough to cancel the whole "fasting" thing.
Didn't even turn blue. I was looking for it.
It's weird because I never told anyone that I drank poison. Like I don't blab about that stuff at work. I talked to no one. Not even myself. Like. Lol I do that a little now at work from time to time. It's too damn boring in there.
The music played was fucked too. Meant to shame. Lol It was so weird.

 

[ForeverBroken]

I've only tried once. About 8 years ago I took a whole bottle of Ambien but was found. Ending up in Intensive Care for 4 days and then to psych for a week.

 

[§∆T∆π]

This year was the worst. It's so hard finding good people out there. If you're struggling and people pick up on it, sometimes the ones around you make a point* to spit in your face, no questions asked. Then they do "the charities" and you're like sitting there lost... I don't get it. You can't trust them alone in a room with anyone weaker. But that's all they preach about. There are better people that see it... Always feels so far away though. Used to work at the one place, and we packaged pet food... The guys there would say faggot etc and just anything to get you to quit.... Well when you stay to yourself after that, they'll sit there and say, "she won't talk to anyone, like a schizoid or something" it's crazy... Haha I get it, some people say "fag" as jargon... The ones that do what I'm talking about will direct it* at you though, then act like you're the one ... Blah blah lol it's so common where I live. And honestly, do I have a big issue with religious people? Nah... I never really bring up issues that a YouTube sjw would.... And you'd think the people around you would get it... That those are red flags when they see it... No, surprisingly you get scapegoated a little bit more when they don't say anything lol it depends though. It's not always like that. The job I'm working now was horrible like that when I first got there. It felt easier when I opened up a bit. If someone's not used to your presence, they'll start that way after watching all the youtube and the news or whatever. Then you talk a bit more and build familiarity..... It eases a lot after that. People become friendlier. Lol Like, if you're LGBTQ and it feels like that at a new job, slow burn, it feels like torture, but don't just quit if you need the money. It's weird, but some of the people that called me that are offering me rides... Like idfk what to think of it besides familiarity and comfort and idk, factory workers, maybe trauma makes people act like that, idk. I know I was on edge going in. But see, idk, my problem is, I don't call that stuff out. I really just saw it as a game because it was so repetitive that I knew that charming dude next to me that occasionally whispered insults under his breath would show his true colors. "They're just like me if I can't see who said it" (I wore rainbow pants everyday to work. Just a stripe on my leg. Nothing too loud. Still wearing a rainbow bracelet.) Anyways, charming dude starts sexual harassment under his breath, and guy saying faggot wearing you're not special,snowflake shirt, calls him* a faggot. Surprisingly, if charming dude was in front of AI chatbot virus doing the same thing, he'd do the same damn thing. Charming dude shows red flags of being a peeping Tom etc.... but it felt like feckin Jack in the box. Idk. Unacceptable but ADHD has me waiting for charming dude to... Yep. "Everybody is just like him in this very moment he feels angry about the box being crooked on the line." I only messed up one on purpose after he whispered "stop fucking messing up the boxes" (he's overly kind all the time to everyone) i have too much experience with another one like that. And that other one now has a mugshot with the words "Do Me" on his shirt for "trespassing" anyway, long ramble.
But this town is so weird. I've never seen the word faggot used so many times in all the factories Ive been in. You'd think, Id be intimidated or something after being fired from Ameriqual. Never. Lol this town just hates gay people at first*... Uh I guess. Idk

 

[chumley123]

{I'm dunk af as I write this} The day I lost my job (last Tuesday) I took my .44 revolver put one live round in it spun it Russian roulette style put it to my head then which I pullet the trigger it clicked. How they talk about people being thankful they're alive after attempt that hit like a mf. My bro texted me 20min after wanting to hit then gym (we did and I of course didn't tell him about this) but fuck idk. It's tough but idk. II got some jobs in the work but I might try it again if I don't find something by the end of year.