What exactly do they have to gain from that though? Like they get a few people wishing them the best... That's it. No monetary gain. Nor is their really any trolling satisfaction.
Just because one doesn't know
why a person does something negative doesn't mean it can't therefore be negative or that there is no reason. Some manipulators specifically target certain vulnerabilities to serve their own advantage, such as overintellectualizing, naïvete, willingness to override/explain away red flags, and being super ethical. They're not going to suddenly admit, like the villain in the climactic scene of a movie, the motivations for and structure of their plan.
I don't judge what someone does based on the logic of it or whether or not I can explain it; if I experience a red flag, or if their consistent behavior indicates fishiness, then that's all the information I need to make a judgment for myself about whether the person has ill intentions toward my well-being and best interests. I know from a lifetime of experience that if I don't make this judgment based solely on the evidence (behaviors, red flags, physical responses that tell me a boundary is being tested or violated such as a gut response, hairs raised, etc.), then I am set up to be harmed in some way -- taken advantage of, played, victimized, etc.
Yes trolls exist everywhere but let's not suggest a goodbye thread is a troll attempt just because it doesn't seem "right" ...not sure what a genuine thread is supposed to look like? But anyways, let's give people the benefit of the doubt and take everything at face value. I'd rather believe a possible liar than ignore or question someone who is suffering.
You know I like you,
@Pryras! So please don't take this as hurtful, I'm just being my sensible, boundaried self, okay?
I need to step out of this "let's." Whatever you would rather believe and do is up to you, though as someone who has demonstrated I care about you, I'd caution you to reconsider. For me personally, I'm going to maintain healthy skepticism. I'm going to protect myself. I'm going to pay attention to behaviors. I've learned to hold back so that I'm not accused of attacking (and because I am also fallible and may on occasion misinterpret), but I'm not going to own others' burdens of suffering, either, whether real or fake. I don't exist to soothe them or ease their burdens, that only comes from the heart when I feel motivated and safe to do so. I will ignore if that's the best option, especially if I sense they're trying to take something I'm not offering, or if I just don't have the inner resources to give that day. If I ignore them, it seems there are always plenty of others who are willing to give attention, so me not showing up isn't going to make a difference unless we've developed some level of closeness/mutual like/reciprocity, etc., whether through a lot of positive interactions on the forum or PMs.
Sometimes goodbye threads just don't feel right, and then people get shamed for not believing, for being self-protective, etc. A goodbye thread that doesn't feel right has LOLs, inconsistent behaviors that don't match with the method or the event, or those little red flag moments that set off something in the gut that says, "That feels yucky/wrong/off/bad/misaligned/etc." It's that unexpected little sting from something that appears cuddly. It's that grab for something that's not on offer, even if it's not definable at the moment what is being grabbed for -- and I think the latter belongs as well in my response to
@WhatIsMyLife.
I just can't say enough how many times people get screwed because they don't listen to their guts, or override red flags, or let themselves get talked out of knowing what they know.
This is why I stand firm and don't cave under the pressure of guilt trips ("own my/someone else's feelings and burdens"), shaming ("you didn't act good/nice/kind/accepting/docile enough," "who do you think you are?"), or bandwagons ("let's all act/not act this way," "we're all here for the same reasons," "we should all stand together and not be divided"). It may feel good to cave at the moment, and I may get more acceptance and approval (remember FAST self-respect skills?), but it's not worth the ass-kicking I'll give myself later when I realize I've been played and I say to myself, "I
knew it! Why didn't I listen??" I'd rather be wrong about someone and gladly fess up, but I gotta tell you, their responses to being questioned or doubted reveal so much (the list on the OP of manipulation tactics thread is one of the best and most accurate tools I have in my life).
