Discussion How many people here have kept their intentions to CTB a secret from family/friends?

[Uninfluential_Karma]

I kind of have. Like they know I'm very depressed but I've mostly denied being suicidal. I hope that it's not a major shock though.

 

[N33dT0D13]

My friend knows I wanna die but I've been super quiet about it lately in hopes he'll... Not forget but, not worry anymore. I'm both happy and sad that it seems to be working.

 

[dimgobaith]

I mentioned it, got told I was stupid, selfish etc. I've never mentioned it again.
I hoped for help but they solidified my resolve

 

[cowboypants]

I have told my psychiatrist about my current situation. My old therapist also knew but it was just suicidal thoughts. My psychiatrist knows I'm capable now. He wanted to see my parents next time or something. He was keen to have them on same page which I was very against.

But I think not many would expect me to do it tbh. I don't have a lot of people in my life now just family. It prolly won't be surprising to them because of my circumstances

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Yes, I'm never going to tell anybody about my desire to be dead. I mean, why should I? Telling other people about your desire to be dead is only useful if you want them to stop you from killing yourself but that isn't what I want. I don't want anybody to stop me from killing myself because I'm not in the wrong. Whilst I have autism, I am mentally sane enough to make my own choices regarding death and to evaluate life. Even if I wasn't, I still shouldn't have to be forced alive against my will as I never consented to existence in the first place. It isn't me that's in the wrong; it's society and other people

 

[chronicdissosiation]

i have been straight up telling my ex partner everything ive been doing — told them what method and when i plan it. why? i myself dont know lol. other friends are aware i have suicidal ideation and the topic of partial suspension hanging has been mentioned a few times but its not like they know to what extent i take it. i have nothing to worry about except getting caught in the action and saved

 

[prana]

I don't talk openly about it but I realize in hindsight it was easy to tell what I was thinking about. I have that Autism Honesty and I say what's on my mind if it passes my filters, so I end up revealing much more than intended about my mental state. Honestly it makes me want to CTB even more that I couldn't stop being such a downer if I tried. But no I don't tell people IRL because I can't imagine a world where that would put me in a better position.

 

[No More Tears]

Everyone who knows me knows I'm suicidal. Everyone knows that at some point, I will ctb. I'm sure if they knew it was about to happen, they would try and stop me, but they also know I'm not stupid enough to be near anyone when it I do it.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

At this point, yes. I made a few early missteps with people I thought I could trust. They turned on me so fast. Move in silence.

 

[finchywart]

my boyfriend asked me if i was thinking about it today, apparently i have been very obvious without realising! i don't want anyone to know so i need to be more careful

 

[FLzaguy]

I think Some of my family knows, because ive asked for help. but they dont know my plans or timeline. They know I hurt

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I'll be honest, I don't see any big benefit about letting the family that made me suicidal know about how devastated I am to the point of planning. They'll simply be obstacles to it. And the only family member that's actually good: I don't want to traumatize her by making her live with the thight of "maybe I should've done more to prevent it".

So as a result I don't foresee myself telling anyone so far. It's something extremely sensitive and personal to me.

 

[QueenBoo]

When my attempts in October failed, I told my mom and my counselor about them. My whole family knows I'm suicidal now, and none of them recognize it as a legitimate course of action for me to take. My counselor got mad because she could lose her license if I had succeeded. My sister is scared of the prospect of me killing myself. My mom seemed pretty scared too, as did my partner, who I told about my suicidal ideation. Nobody took anything from me and I didn't get stuck in a psych ward (until I put myself in one for reasons unrelated to suicide, though I did get my second amendment rights taken away because I hit myself in the head with a book). All that seems to have happened is I scared some people. I don't want them to be scared though. I want people to be happy for me that I've reached the end of my life. Or at least I would've reached the end of my life, but I think I'm going to postpone my plans indefinitely because of my current partner.

 

[Tarrasque]

I've been to some degree seeking death for upwards of a decade. There was a time when I was very upfront about it. People tend to want to convince me not to do it, people tend to disbelieve me and think I am melodramatic, people tend to be angry at me for feeling this way, people tend to misunderstand that my experience isn't theirs and what works for them does not work for me. I've long come to the conclusion that unless you're damn sure you're going immediately, it's probably best to keep it to yourself lest you be left picking up the pieces in the morning.

 

[CantDoIt]

Yes I did mention it but I don't really think it was a good idea. Just this person already knew I was depressed and wants me to get better and sort of relies on me getting better and IDK what to do about it.

 

[mistymoo]

No one knows and I actually think I'm doing a good job pretending I'm fine this time around

 

[divinemistress36]

Please be careful who you tell , I was honest about it in the past and got thrown in psych hospital and talked into doing a bunch of Electro shock therapy

 

[3/4Dead]

Idk why I'm surprised so many people said yes, honestly. But pretty much everyone who knows me is aware that I intend to kill myself at some point, some of them know how close I've come to doing it before. I don't like lying and I don't see a reason to.
Kinda a speak now or forever hold your peace moment.

 

[iwanttobeinpeace]

I've kept it a secret. However, when parents rumaged my room recently they found the SN i've been hiding and the rope I was also preparing. :( fml.

 

[cosmoqueen]

The only person who knew isn't here anymore.

That being said, I don't think anyone would be surprised. I'm kind of a doomer.

 

[Malfunction]

I've said that I would end my life if I got too sick to continue living. I'm pro choice, and I don't hide it.

What I do hide is my real thoughts and plans because I don't trust anyone not to stab me in the back. I will do it quickly and discretely.

I think its sad that I have to hide it, but its too dangerous not to.