Money could've solved my problems years ago - instead of unfulfilled promises of a place to live and finishing college, it was a game of abusive situation to abusive situation. Then I made a lot of progress educationally and work wise until I became essentially burned out, frustrated, depressed, and narrowly ducked and dodged and avoided death in several ways. I had bought a lot of things trying to please others, trying to see if that would change a family members behavior, if she'd say "I love you" - but she never would. I intended to donate everything by giving it away or dropping it off at domestic violence services. My partner was ignoring me and I felt unloved, depressed, frustrated - frustrated that I'd be studying and other students would pester me about what I was reading, what I was doing, anything for attention. It really bothered me. I (more like nagged into by my mother) decided maybe I should go to college and work somewhere else, and that's when I was dragged into an unfamiliar place and poisoned. My life fell apart after that. Prior to that I felt like despite my efforts in school and good grades, my mother insisted I wasn't good enough for the job I was doing and continued to pry when I repeatedly asked her to stop. I finally quit that job out of frustration because the other person was constantly late, my mother wouldn't stop, there was a murder there and the person I worked for was escalating in various ways that made me unsure of the work I was doing. Then someone burned to death and I feel like that was definitely preventable (happened before I was poisoned and scammed out of housing and work) - I woke up in a hospital bed to my worst nightmare arranged by the bitch herself and had a complete mental breakdown. I wanted my space and I was suddenly treated as an alien. My anger went above and beyond and I was thrown into a shitshow because I was robbed. A dirty filthy shitshow and a bunch of assholes with degrees that insisted it was my imagination etc. i didn't want to talk to them or pop their stupid pills that had caused hallucinations before when I was being repeatedly abused financially, emotionally, and sexually by a felon on parole (that the family allowed and encouraged the abuse to continue, just get through school and you'll have money to leave him) - anyway I made a run for it and my family continued spewing garbage about me and personal information to others, thus successfully burning my bridges for work, getting me thrown out of school, stealing my possessions (they insisted on having shit shipped instead of flying out to help or donating it in the first place like I had planned) - I wound up in trouble and went to the jail out of desperation to not be around those people and in hopes of finding "help" or services. They put money on the phone but refused to help and continued to play stupid little games. They drove to Walmart to send money to strangers who ripped it off and wouldn't give it to me repeatedly, and sent invasive little snoops everywhere I went. I had no choice but to keep my mouth shut (anything but violence, they lied and said I had already spent it, this was all insanity.)
By time I finally got there I screamed and raised hell. I had fines to pay and a drivers license to fix and a life to live but they didn't want me to have that.
I went back to "work" in an abusive environment with a bastard who wouldn't stop nagging for sex or insisted on doing my timesheets for me - against all rules - so I could finally pay the massive fines.
I left after that and continued the Benadryl overdoses, screaming about their lies, invasion, ignorance, congratufuckinglations you got "stuff" that was supposed to be donated (later stolen by another relative) - survived another suicide attempt and had a "boyfriend" that was too immature to wait for sex or move out of his mothers house and wanted to buy "stuff" because I had "soooo much" (which wasn't meant to be kept it was used as coercion or control.)
I screwed some other guy while on vacation because I just didn't care. He wouldn't "grow up" - nobody would.
I finally left and went back to work - it took 6 months to be paid. I had another job I worked in the meantime by another verbal abuser, but I was determined to get by. Once "family" met my new love, they demolished the relationship and he became irrational and abusive on a daily basis. I had been meaning to go back to domestic violence counseling again.
then my idiot mother died and life insurance was in my name, what a pain in the ass. I asked for help only to have possessions stolen and lying ass, greedy family members attempt to sabotage it.
someone "helped" in the meantime but my landlord allowed her piece of shit nephew to bully me out of my home as he was stealing from my bedroom prior to that and she moved my possessions while I was gone.
The person who "helped" kept nagging me about the money, nagging me to nag, screaming at me, acting crazy and trying to get me to take THEIR psych med. will it shut you up? I'm sitting there meditating and they start screaming, or just doing dumb shit to annoy me.
Being nagged to go back and get my vehicle and so on.
I put some of the money in investments and had so much of it to take a break.
I wasn't given one.
people kept pestering me for attention, pestering for their repair shop when I broke my vehicle, and they stole the vehicle and my purse, phones, etc, drove it super far after I already had it towed and had told them several times NO I don't want your repair shop no I don't need your "help" I can read write speak and make decisions for myself. Nagged for "cuddles" or sex repeatedly and it makes you want to put a gun to your head.
as the money dwindled out and I took a road trip with yet another selfish complainer, someone who won't just let you sit there while they do what they want, I went back and forth and had to fight to have my SS card replaced.
Once it was, I was able to have a legitimate job again but not without all of the leftover trauma or anger at the oppression and abuse and lies and stupid little baby games.
I'm with someone that tells me I don't have to work. That they'd get an unlimited card and another motorcycle for me to just go venture and ride around if that would make me "happy" - it doesn't.
abuse ruined my life.
It doesn't matter if the person has money. They offer me cash to buy smokes or whatever and I always say no.
For all the money in the world it will not make a person listen to you or leave you alone or go away. it will not stop family members from harassing you, it will not stop abusive men from pushing you for sex or into situations you don't want to be in, it will not stop dope fiends from trying to force you to do their drugs, it will not solve your distress or depression or the problems in your life created by people who want to create problems where you have none.
it would've helped me years ago to just hang up on that horrible woman and block her phone number instead of having her insult my partner repeatedly and talk me into shit that I didn't feel confident in. It would've helped me years ago to finish college and have a space of my own and then I would've been able to get somewhere in life. It would've helped me excommunicate her and any other abusers from their little bullshit games.
it would've helped me get out of abuse instead of being stolen from, accused, fucked with, to the point of overdoses and suicide out of hatred for abusive family members and abusive men.
the person I'm with now says they can buy me a new laptop (I couldn't use the old one anymore, I was so traumatized and upset by the fact they BRIBED the fucking rapist and sent him MONEY for the ITEMS instead of DOING SOMETHING TO HELP) - I basically gave up. I had scholarships, I had straight A's, I had books to donate to other students. The abusers/oppressors/fuckwits insisted I could "go to school" there and that I "had to get a job" and I basically determined the best option would be suicide. 27 years of abuse and I feel like it's pointless. Yeah everyone else got to buy a house, everyone else got to graduate, everyone else had children, and I kept getting abused. People are poison.
so even at this point? Money could not solve my problems, I want a peaceful way to die and a peaceful place to do so. Money cannot solve the disrespect, the psychological damage or the damage to my reputation and life. One abuser is dead and I can only hope that more will drop at some point. They need to.
