Discussion How many of you regret not CTB earlier?

[OzymandiAsh]

Seems like there are quite a few people here who wish they had CTB earlier, including some seniors (50+).

 

[darksouls]

yes

 

[sanctionedusage]

i had a great mindset for it when i was a lot younger, but people kept preaching teenaged and young adult years as the best of their lives, so i thought i was doing myself a disservice by missing out on them. i shouldve done it when i was 10 for sure. i think i was too young to understand death so i didnt feel scared by it.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

If this includes not being born in the first place, YES.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I should've died when he died ...

 

[NoHorizon]

Yes. I wish I'd jumped off Beachy Head the second I got there.

 

[Tautochrome]

Yes, fuck. I wish I had made decisive moves when N was still available

 

[theway1]

First time I thought deeply about ctb I was 22.

Now I'm in my mid-30s. I've had some fun moments and memories since then, but I would overall rate my life to date as 2/10. The main issue is that' I've suffered from sexual dysfunction my entire life, and it's been impossible to cure. It leads to humiliation, isolation and horrific emotional pain. To summarize my life in one word, "nightmare".

When I was younger I always had hope that things would better, somehow. Things usually work out. But it's so soul crushing when after all this time, things never got better.

 

[Elsie]

Should have died early so I won't be a burden or annoyance to anyone.

 

[Siamese Believe]

I do, I came so close…

 

[Gangrel]

yes because N was common back them, now it's almost impossible to get, probably impossible

 

[kuroshimi]

I think it will be better if I wasn't born in the first place.

But answer is still no, since I wasn't aware yet. (?) Because I wasn't actively suicidal, rather had some kind of death wish.

 

[Forveleth]

(See name description thingy)

 

[kipstriesagain]

Absolutely, I should've died at 14

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

100%
i was in the perfect mindset to die back then.

 

[NeoN0va]

I did regret it until around 2 months ago. I've met someone who helped me feel at peace for the first time this year. We are now in a relationship, helping each other get through this harsh life.

 

[Alive42long]

I had two attempts, 10 years and 3 years ago. I don't feel there was anything worth living these years I've survived. I'm still alive to see if something comes up, but I'm afraid that's it. I'm just prolonging the inevitable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I regret suffering in this torturous, cruel existence at all, to me existence just feels like the most terrible mistake and it's one that just causes endless amounts of suffering with no limit as to how much agony one can feel, no matter what I'll just always prefer to not exist than suffer in this existence and I always suffer so much from being trapped in this existence so cruelly denied the option to painlessly cease existing as all I want is to be gone, I just hope and wish to never suffer again.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

100%
i was in the perfect mindset to die back then.

i regret it almost every other day
because
death isn't going to be like walking into a warm hug like it would have been
it's now going to be like begrudgingly shaking someone's hand at a formal event

 

[Tarantula]

Yes because my life gets worse every time I think that things are getting better for me

 

[Dark Mood]

I had my first attempt when I was 13, so about ten years ago. I wish it had worked

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

It's been a decade of this bullshit.

 

[perishsong]

Yeah. I should've done it when I was 14, before many other things went downhill.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I said No, more because I'm waiting to lose all hope, similar to the right moment I guess but not quite. Finalizing affairs is an issue atm, but I'm ready with the means and method for when needed. I wouldn't say I regret not doing it yet, the timing has not been right.

However, I also feel I wouldn't have missed anything good, or I could've spared myself this hell, and on darker days I don't see myself doing more of this. But I think I'm less emotional now, and this should help to find peace before, which I haven't yet.

 

[Unlucky777]

Absolutely. I wish I could go back in time and actually make that one attempt I didn't make. It definitely does get harder with time, for me anyway

 

[Darkraithehuman]

I wish i did it when i was around 10 years old, it wouldnt have to go through events that really hurt me

 

[JumperNo22]

Better yet I wish I was never born, that would have been the best by and far

 

[Seneca65AD]

Depends on the specific day. If I could push a button and "not" be born, I would do that everyday. However, the actual CTB desire ebbs and flows depending on what happens in my life and my reaction to it. I am not "happy" but there are times I can be content, and for me, content is good enough.