im still trying. but im afraid theres no "getting better" for who you fundamentally are already. since i believe this, i will be trying this year to change my habits and force (quite literally force) myself to do new, "healthy" things and try again with old ones. just one more time. one last time before i have to face the endlessly tall wall of death before me. before i am forced to face it, i will try fixing things one more time. and i know that if i fail ive tried all that was possible in this realm, and as such can happily shrug off my responsibility and sins of "failing" when ive done it all to fix it. that is what i want in the end: die without feeling like i could have done more or end up... succeeding.
i have a good chance of ascending to a high-paying field this year. money wont fix any of my problems, if im honest... almost none of them. but maybe the "connections", focusing on work, activities and coping with junk entertainment can help me get to a level decent enough to manage.
odds are ill just CTB this month though