how many of you have regular sex

[Flightlinek]

I had sex last month, and it was the first time in about four years. I just don't have the desire or interest, it feels more like an obligation.
Unfortunately, today's culture is ALL about sex. It's all anyone wants, and no relationship can even get started without copious amounts of it. I'm pretty certain I will remain alone until I finally find someone to CTB with, and that loneliness is like some kind of punishment from Hell.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

I don't know what TV shows you're watching or what friends you have but it's not true men all go about banging whoever they can. Some men have feelings and attachment and are faithful. Want to bond with another human. I'm sorry you think most men are like this.

If you think society thinks women are only empowered if they sleep around and not also seen as sluts you really live in a alternate reality.

You should really stop stereotyping people to simplify life and feed into a media pop centered view of the world caused by capitalism trying to sell sex everywhere maybe you should think outside of such a narrow washed out narrative.

You are the one who is constantly generalizing and thinking through black and white stereotypes here. I was just pointing that out.

Also it sounds like you're making abused women uncomfortable here and enjoying mocking their pain. Does that make you feel good? Do you feel less of a failure and more powerful that you've demeaned a "weak" woman who's done nothing to you?

What the f are you talking about?

 

[brokensea]

You are the one who is constantly generalizing and thinking through black and white stereotypes here. I was just pointing that out.

What the f are you talking about?

Pointing out you're stereotyping men and that it feels good so they just enjoy casual sex more is stereotyping your entire gender. Not the same as actually stereotyping someone. People enjoy casual sex for a variety of reasons but saying men do this more is saying they more tend to not have emotional connections and relationships with people and are painting them as more base and unfeeling creatures who just enjoy getting off in whoever and that's not true. It's really a tired trope that is demeaning of men and a lot of men are tired of it being said about them as a gender and giving them a false reputation. When many do not enjoy casual sex and prefer connections with people.

And if you're making rape jokes and memes and victim blaming in a suicide forum of all places that's pretty insensitive and immature. To put it lightly.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

saying men do this more is saying they more tend to not have emotional connections and relationships with people and are painting them as more base and unfeeling creatures who just enjoy getting off in whoever and that's not true.

No, it's you who is saying this, and it's you who is stereotyping here.

All people enjoy getting off. Happens to be a fact. Most men get off easier than most women during sex. Also happens to be a fact.

It's really a tired trope that is demeaning of men and a lot of men are tired of it being said about them as a gender and giving them a false reputation. When many do not enjoy casual sex and prefer connections with people.

Since when is enjoying casual sex in contradiction to having connections?

And if you're making rape jokes and memes and victim blaming in a suicide forum of all places that's pretty insensitive and immature. To put it lightly.

What rape jokes?? Again what the f are you talking about?

 

[brokensea]

No, it's you who is saying this, and it's you who is stereotyping here.

All people enjoy getting off. Happens to be a fact. Most men get off easier than most women during sex. Also happens to be a fact.

Since when is enjoying casual sex in contradiction to having connections?

What rape jokes?? Again what the f are you talking about?

You're saying that because men like to get off easier they enjoy having causal sex more. It's simply not true this logic somehow equates to them enjoying casual sexual more. That is the definition of a stereotype. Men do not enjoy causal sex more on average than having a faithful connection to one person who they love. Everyone is different. Someone is not a certain way because they get off more easy or because they have a penis.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

You're saying that because men like to get off easier they enjoy having causal sex more. It's simply not true this logic somehow equates to them enjoying casual sexual more. That is the definition of a stereotype. Men do not enjoy causal sex more on average than having a faithful connection to one person who they love. Everyone is different. Someone is not a certain way because they get off more easy or because they have a penis.

It is true and it not the only reason either. Men feel safer during casual encounters. Men feel better about themselves after having casual sex. And so forth.

Why do you think there are a kazillion female sex workers out there, but only a handful of males?

You really seem to have problem with casual sex. Maybe you are confusing the concept of casual sex with cheating or something.

 

[Justnotme]

I haven't had sex for 6 years. And I haven't even kissed for 6 years. I feel calm, neutral without intimate relationships and without relationships with anyone at all.
After deepening with all my gut into the cruel and senseless side of this damned world, I don't want anything anymore.
Relationships seem meaningless.
I have no desire and interest to experience pleasant feelings from sex or kisses, because everything in the world seems so flat and fake
I like to be alone with myself, I don't like to talk a lot. And I also like to visit this forum, where I finally found people like me P. S. : I'm a girl, I'm 25

 

[brokensea]

It is true and it not the only reason either. Men feel safer during casual encounters. Men feel better about themselves after having casual sex. And so forth.

Why do you think there are a kazillion female sex workers out there, but only a handful of males?

You really seem to have problem with casual sex. Maybe you are confusing the concept of casual sex with cheating or something.

You can keep thinking men prefer this and not get that many men don't enjoy causal sex and don't do that. In fact I only know one person who does out of a great number of men I know and they're very lonely and depressed. But if you want to stereotype your gender and go along with that kind of thinking and perpetuate stereotypes of your gender I guess no one's gonna stop you.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

You can keep thinking men prefer this and not get that many men don't enjoy causal sex and don't do that. In fact I only know one person who does out of a great number of men I know and they're very lonely and depressed. But if you want to stereotype your gender and go along with that kind of thinking and perpetuate stereotypes of your gender I guess no one's gonna stop you.

You are the one perpetuating stereotypes here, nobody is buying your narrative.

 

[Phill]

I'm still a virgin. I've had chances to have sex, but I'm too much shy and insecure to get involved with someone sexually... I always chicken out. But I can assure this has nothing to do with me being a suicidal.

 

[Julgran]

All people enjoy getting off. Happens to be a fact. Most men get off easier than most women during sex. Also happens to be a fact.

You're saying that because men like to get off easier they enjoy having causal sex more. It's simply not true this logic somehow equates to them enjoying casual sexual more. That is the definition of a stereotype. Men do not enjoy causal sex more on average than having a faithful connection to one person who they love. Everyone is different. Someone is not a certain way because they get off more easy or because they have a penis.

Are you two having the same discussion...? Wasn't @JustSwingingTheD's point that men enjoy casual sex more than women, while @brokensea's point is that not all men enjoy casual sex more than a meaningful relationship..?

 

[AnonymousS]

The body can have reactions but no one enjoys being raped ffs. That's a pretty horrible rape encouraging comment that some women liked to be raped when most describe it as losing their souls and can have trauma their entire life because of it.

It's also really horrible to post in the group because women have committed suicide over being raped and your comments are sick and could effect someone.

I agree, it's a disgusting post.

 

[BrokenJesus]

just interested to see how many of us are sexual active to see if that plays a role in being suicidal

"Sex haver" here. It's not 100% consistent, but I must've had sex around 40 times since late May, after being stuck in a dry spell for a while. An average of 2 or 3 times per week when I have someone to fuck with, then.

I'm awful in bed (lack of skill + physically unfit + premature ejaculation), though, and the only two women I have ever fucked with despise me, probably because of that. So, yeah, sex doesn't make me feel better at all. When you're a virgin, specially as a man, it's easy to imagine it as some kind of panacea that will save your soul, but that's far from the truth, or at least has been to me.

Just had sex yesterday btw. She was the one to initiate it, but it felt like duty sex at best. Starfish sex, no life, no connection, just her allowing myself to masturbate using her body, because she knew I would like to. Truly soulcrushing, for both of us I suppose.

It would make sense for sexual frustration and suicidal thoughs to be linked, but the fact is having sex, either casual or in a commited relationship, doesn't always solve your sexual frustrations. I still feel as much of a sexual failure as I did two years ago when I haven't lost my virginity yet. At this point, even watching porn is starting to feel less frustrating then having real sex.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Truly soulcrushing, for both of us I suppose. It would make sense for sexual frustration and suicidal thoughs to be linked, but the fact is having sex, either casual or in a commited relationship, doesn't always solve your sexual frustrations. I still feel as much of a sexual failure as I did two years ago when I haven't lost my virginity yet. At this point, even watching porn is starting to feel less frustrating then having real sex.

Why would you be feeling like this? You should be happy that she wants you to use her body for your pleasure.

I mean, it's not your responsibility to make her cum. With many women it's actually practically impossible, unless they show and tell you what you need to do to make it happen. It's not like most women are doing anything too complicated to make their partners to cum either. It's usually just like 10 times easier for men to orgasm during sex.

If she is not willing to instruct you, even when you are directly asking her to, then you need to forget about her pleasure and concentrate on yours.

...And in the case you haven't even asked her how to make her cum yet, then i must ask why are you complaining here instead of doing something about it?

 

[brokensea]

Why would you be feeling like this? You should be happy that she wants you to use her body for your pleasure.

I mean, it's not your responsibility to make her cum. With many women it's actually practically impossible, unless they show and tell you what you need to do to make it happen. It's not like most women are doing anything too complicated to make their partners to cum either. It's usually just like 10 times easier for men to orgasm during sex.

If she is not willing to instruct you, even when you are directly asking her to, then you need to forget about her pleasure and concentrate on yours.

...And in the case you haven't even asked her how to make her cum yet, then i must ask why are you complaining here instead of doing something about it?

Tell us you're bad in bed without telling us your bad in bed.

 

[lachrymost]

Regular sex? I have weird sex.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Tell us you're bad in bed without telling us your bad in bed.

I'm just tired of women who don't know what they want.

 

[brokensea]

I'm just tired of women who don't know what they want.

Yeah but if you mean that sincerely and don't just not care about anything than pleasing yourself you discover things together. Try different things. Too many guys are like let me wobble some boobies and fiddle around down there and let's go. There's so much more to intimacy and so many other things you can do to build excitement. I have had partners I helped who weren't great in bed. Most people don't know what to do outside of watching a porno. It's a process you do together and have fun with but you have to make an effort. Can't just say I don't get it or she has to tell me you can tell when something is working or not by their reactions or asking if they like it if you have to. You have to be a selfless person who wants to make someone else happy to be a good lover if you're only motivated by self interest and getting off that's not gonna work.

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Yeah but if you mean that sincerely and don't just not care about anything than pleasing yourself you discover things together. Try different things. Too many guys are like let me wobble some boobies and fiddle around down there and let's go. There's so much more to intimacy and so many other things you can do to build excitement. I have had partners I helped who weren't great in bed. Most people don't know what to do outside of watching a porno. It's a process you do together and have fun with but you have to make an effort. Can't just say I don't get it or she has to tell me you can tell when something is working or not by their reactions or asking if they like it if you have to. You have to be a selfless person who wants to make someone else happy to be a good lover if you're only motivated by self interest and getting off that's not gonna work.

Good sex=good communication.

If you're too scared to say what you DONT like, then the other person is never going to stop doing it.

I'm just tired of women who don't know what they want.

To be honest, I can sort of understand women with this kind of problems. Most women need clit stimulation to climax, and if you never got stimulated (orally) the right way, then you won't know what it feels like and can't teach anyone either.

In these cases i guess you just need to go down there and... stay down there until something happens.

 

[brokensea]

Good sex=good communication.

If you're too scared to say what you DONT like, then the other person is never going to stop doing it.

To be honest, I can sort of understand women with this kind of problems. Most women need clit stimulation to climax, and if you never got stimulated (orally) the right way, then you won't know what it feels like and can't teach anyone either.

In these cases i guess you just need to go down there and... stay down there until something happens.

Yes but there are obvious signs when someone likes something or doesn't if you're observant and you can always ask. A lot of people men and women are just afraid to speak up or hurt the other persons feelings or complain about something. That's why you have to be open about it and make them feel safe to share and try different things. If you can't be open and honest then what are you doing with them in the first place? You can't be afraid to ask if something feels good or is ok either. Figuring out what someone likes or doesn't like is part of the fun and it's not hard to make someone feel safe to open up or try different things to see where it gets you.

 

[SexyIncél]

You have to be a selfless person who wants to make someone else happy to be a good lover if you're only motivated by self interest and getting off that's not gonna work.

Maybe you know this & didn't want to belabor the point... but I a dual nature's useful:

• selfless
• greedy

Because, unless someone wants an absolutely submissive partner, greedy is a turn-on too. The trick is being greedy for what the other person ultimately wants, or at least willing to experience

But the difficult thing is experimenting & making terrible mistakes before getting good. (Whatever "good" means.) Ideally, there'd be schools for this sorta thing. But that's just uToPiAn

 

[NumbItAll]

I do not have regular sex. I would be a lot happier if I did. Simple drama-free response. :)

 

[Felix007]

i think about sex everyday... havent had it in years.. but i also dont want to go to a prostitute or swingerclub... i would definitely be less suicidal if i had a gf and regular sex..

 

[outatime_85]

No, I don't have regular sex and it has been many years without.

That said, I don't think about it much, and I am at a point where all I really want are hugs and to be held.

 

[atewithouttable]

I dont have sex nor do I even talk to any women but it doesnt bother me that much.

 

[Blue_mist]

It's been few months since last time I had sex, i live in rural town Northern Ontario Canada and it's hard to find a partner for gay man. Most people here are hiding, discreet, and conservative, when i want to have a sex so bad, i go to Toronto and pay an escort or sex toys, That's my sexual life and it is so pathetic.

 

[brokensea]

Maybe you know this & didn't want to belabor the point... but I a dual nature's useful:

• selfless
• greedy

Because, unless someone wants an absolutely submissive partner, greedy is a turn-on too. The trick is being greedy for what the other person ultimately wants, or at least willing to experience

But the difficult thing is experimenting & making terrible mistakes before getting good. (Whatever "good" means.) Ideally, there'd be schools for this sorta thing. But that's just uToPiAn

Yes, I mean not being a giving lover as in you just want to get off all the time and don't care about the other person at all.

Hopefully there wouldn't be too many terrible mistakes unless you're very sexually inexperienced and have no idea what to do. Then there may be growing pains lol. Maybe you have to be a creative person who's in tune with their partner and able to read peoples reactions. Not sure. I've never felt self conscious about anything I wanted to do/try. I wouldn't randomly try anything painful tho lol. As long as it's not awful/stupid of any attempt I don't think it should be too bad for anyone trying stuff out or experiencing it. That's how you learn and gain confidence. If you just do the same simple actions on everyone or just go straight for the gold every time you don't really learn anything.

 

[JamesUK]

A woman hugged me once. I'm 40. Hoping to hold hands one day.

 

[Zegers]

I think the factor is not sex, maybe it's loneliness, lack of purpose... I would be happy if i had regular sex? i don't think so, my life is blighted in other areas.

 

[Le_Dauphin]

It is not solely the absence of sex itself that makes me suicidal. It is the importance it has society wise. You may have many accomplishments, even uncommon ones to the comunity you live in, but if you are unable to be sexually fufilled, you're the next thing to a hobo in their eyes. Silly people who do not have this issue usually claim that we shouldn't bother, but I find it difficult to ignore the importance of this matter, when it keeps me from having friends, a social life, an appropriate job, minimum respect from society, etc. Nobody wants to be around such a loser, it is the single greatest disgrace that may befall an otherwise physically healthy person. Just look at how people see incels: as the gutter of humanity. And I don't mean incels as the hateful people who intend to punish others for their misfortunes, but incels in the literal sense of the term: those who simply are involuntarily celibates, nothing else. We are treated worse than criminals.

Besides, I can literally see in the eyes of sexually fufilled people a joy that will never be mine, and never has been. The fact that I was able to move on for decades inspite of it doesn't make it less painful, and it is increasingly clrearer to me that this joy is the one thing that makes most people put up with all the bullshit in this life. Attractive and sexually active people love to say platitudes like "no one stays without sex nowadays" "you could just pay for sex". When you're really unattractive and out of the game, even sex professionals will take your money and threaten to kill you to ensure you stay away from them and they are the ones who will act traumatized for having to fathom the idea of having sex with you. Yes, aside from my own problems, I also deeply traumatize people. I've been through humiliations I could never have assumed I would be in my younger years, and I'm just 34. Hence, my firm decision to CTB.