How many lives have you lived?

[yyytry]

Our persona evolves. I am not who I was 10 years ago. Seems like every 5-7 years, it's a reiteration of character.
No matter all these reiterations, efforts…I never fit anywhere. I feel like now I'm the alien who can't get home…wherever that is.

 

[WH101]

I feel like if i go by "our persona evolves" then I am on my 4th life, I definitely feel like out of all the personas or what not I've had, I am now the best and the worst version of myself, the best being if I was able to keep on living I'd be a decent person, the worst being I don't see a future and just want to ctb, but this is definitely my final form / persona.

 

[yyytry]

, I am now the best and the worst version of myself

Oooh, I'm feeling this.

I think I have had 4-5 iterations of myself. (Childhood I grouped into one iteration)

I feel similar, if I could somehow endure another set of years…maybe I would see a breakthrough and find some place in the community.
But I think because of my inherent awkwardness, I haven't found a lasting position. Thus, these iterations of myself. It's exhausting and so at my age, I'd really like to CTB. I'm tired of my brain stretching and doing social gymnastics.

 

[Rainy_days]

In one sense I've hardly lived life at all. But as for personality, at least two different ones - before and after being messed up by psychiatry. The most recent stage of my life has been marked by emotional stunting, burning most of my last bridges, and accelerating mental and physical decline. I'm very afraid of how I will end up if this continues.

 

[yyytry]

In one sense I've hardly lived life at all. But as for personality, at least two different ones - before and after being messed up by psychiatry. The most recent stage of my life has been marked by emotional stunting, burning most of my last bridges, and accelerating mental and physical decline. I'm very afraid of how I will end up if this continues.

Very sorry to hear how psychiatry has hurt you. I believe good medical doctors are hard to find but good psychiatrists are even harder to find.

 

[Rainy_days]

Very sorry to hear how psychiatry has hurt you. I believe good medical doctors are hard to find but good psychiatrists are even harder to find.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm lucky I have a good psychiatrist now who knows what happened to me and doesn't force medication on me, just minimum necessary. I met a few psychiatrists who were real monsters and it's really depressing to think of people like that having absolute power over others.

 

[Shu]

108, probably

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think around 10. I had a very disjointed childhood followed by lots of house moves, different courses and different jobs- to try and make things better. It doesn't feel like looking back on just one person's life. It's odd.

 

[yyytry]

I think around 10. I had a very disjointed childhood followed by lots of house moves, different courses and different jobs- to try and make things better. It doesn't feel like looking back on just one person's life. It's odd.

I've had a lot of moves, but not a lot of jobs. I feel like jobs can def contribute to the tone of each "life".
Perhaps there are more I'm not recognizing within myself…I've def buried some sections of my life because they were so mundane…like living in the apartment with no natural light.

There have been so many things I've tried to stabilize myself in the world. looking back on all of it just contributes to a deep sense of exhaustion.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never really lived at all, instead I've just existed for 22 years too long. I know that I was never meant to be here.

 

[Anzhe]

Nothing changes in my life - I don't even try to change anything, I always fail and I've come to terms with it - and that's why I'm on this site. I don't even want to change anything. I can't even imagine being happy - I just don't know what it is.

People - what is the source of your strength that stimulates you all to strive for something, to desire something, to dream about something?

 

[Anonymus]

One life I have lived consciously since the age of 2, I will be 45 in March.. that is, I have really lived 43 years continuously. I am essentially the same person, well loaded with resources that I have made throughout all these years.. I have learned many things and I have matured a lot. I wouldn't change the knowledge I have of it all for anything.. it just makes me sad that all of this will be lost the day I die because there are people who would do very well to live better and not suffer what I suffered and I suffer

I've always thought that people who suffer, in some way, have a duty to help others live better... but it's difficult if I don't relate to people.

Even so, I realize the immense absurdity of the things I need to learn.. impossible to learn in one lifetime.. but easy to distribute among 8 billion people.

//

Una sola vida. He viscut conscientment desde els 2 anys, faré 45 el març.. es a dir, he viscut realment 43 anys de forma continuada. Sóc en esséncia la mateixa persona, ben carregada de recursos que he fet al llarg de tots aquests anys.. he aprés moltes coses i he madurat moltíssim. No canviaría el coneixement que tinc de tot plegat per res.. només em fa tristor que es perdi tot això el día que em mori perquè hi ha persones a les quals els hi aniría molt bé per viure millor i no patir el que he patit i pateixo jo.

Sempre he pensat que les persones que patim, d'alguna manera, tenim el deure d'ajudar a que els altres visquin millor.. pero difícil és si no em relaciono amb la gent.

Tot i així me n'adono de l'absurditat immensa de coses que em falten per aprendre.. impossible d'aprendre en un sola vida.. però fàcil de repartir entre 8000 milions de persones (als EUA 8000 milions em sembla que són 8 bilions.. coses culturals, hehe).

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't think I can say I've lived at all. Just existed.

 

[Heartbroken2022]

I guess I am in my 3rd or 4th life (depending how you split childhood until 18years) and now I am at my 30+s. And hopefully this life will be the last one (either happy and long one or finishing it ASAP).

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Probably 3?
1 was happy child, 2 was somewhat happy teenager with suicidal tendencies, scopophobia and creeping depression, now I'm just a hopeless miserably creature waiting to die

 

[yyytry]

People - what is the source of your strength that stimulates you all to strive for something, to desire something, to dream about something?

Before suicidality became the dominant signal, I was operating in survival modes. When I had a job which became the start of a career that I loved, I became a new person. But when I was attacked with sexual harassment and discrimination, the love I had for the job faded. I became very ill.

Past year I tried my own business but I don't think I have what it takes…the ease of an influencer. I'm too awkward and literal.
Now I just want to die.

 

[Tried-tireD]

I suppose in a sense, I've only lived 2, maybe 3 lives. Where only 1 really fit in. That was early childhood when I didn't know anything. Ignorance is bliss after all. Then it was high school where things started to go to shit. I began to regress a little as a person, putting myself in a position where I had to act a certain way to be accepted into a niche little group of people, even though my presence was never properly acknowledged. And now this horrible life, alone isolated suicidal where I can say the only place I can belong is here. I sure as hell do not fit in with my age demographic, never did, thinking back

 

[yyytry]

I sure as hell do not fit in with my age demographic, never did, thinking back

You're very intelligent, well thought out and well spoken…that will automatically set you apart. No matter where you go.

Belonging here, I can relate. I've pretty much ditched my main social media platform…for this. The fake conversations were rotting my soul faster than anything.

I'm glad here, there is a space for the intensity and honesty.

 

[SalirDeLaMelancolía]

8, i think

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I definitely agree with this as a theory. I couldn't possibly tell you how many I've had though. I think that the core part of 'me' is very mercurial.

 

[theboy]

2

 

[hellispink]

I am always changing. Every single year I evolve. Even though is my same skin, totally different person.

 

[crimson blue]

I'm not sure but I think 5 times

 

[Pluto]