Discussion How long have you been wanting to ctb?

[The Unanswered Q]

Since I was 12/13

 

[anonymous101101]

For too long.

 

[J&L383]

Almost 10 years now. Still am a pussy who can't just die.

Well, I don't know the term pussy should apply here. You are enduring life at least. Something that would require a better term than that I would think.

 

[AkitoSad]

Since I was in middle school. I have to admit I wasn't expecting a lot of us to have these thoughts quite early on in life.

 

[Anonslostsoul]

On and off since I was about 8

 

[SadRatQueen]

Since I was in middle school. I have to admit I wasn't expecting a lot of us to have these thoughts quite early on in life.

It hurts me that so many children have struggled and have continues to struggled into adulthood. But honestly, it also kinda makes me feel a little less weird.

 

[TheoPhage]

For me personally, it started in early childhood. I remember being in the 3rd grade contemplating throwing myself in front of traffic. I've always just had this feeling within me, as if my body knew from the start that I would take my own life one day. I am a curse to this world, a belief I held for so long.

But what about the rest of you guys? When was the earliest you felt doomed to ctb?

I'm 36, from Malaysia, Indian.
Kid you not, Ever since I was lucid (age 2+) Because I distinctly remember being brestfed (ewww) and understanding the language and piecing things together.
Imma say 34 yrs, I've wanted to KMS/CTB/KTB (kick the bucket) or whatever acronyms you guys are into these days.

Long story short. I'm hyper intelligent and can think hyperdimensionally, and KNOW for sure that certain laws of thermodynamics, ALMOST assuredly prevent consciousness from being destroyed, but mutated into another form, i understand is possible.

Long story even shorter, we do not die, death is an illusion.

Walking towards the light will get you sucked into a REINKARMIC RECYCLING ENERGY HARVERSTING PSYOP that has been running under join cooperation by the reptilian annunaki, 50% draco amphibianoids and GREY humanoids for about 200 million yrs old....


I know too much. I've met the devil who runs this place, eye to eye, man to man, mono, and exchanged thoughts...... I've bested and have outsmarted him in the hyperdimensional game of chess in the omniversal intelligence grand scheme of things., His worry and excuse was entropy and that he is doing all of this for the survival of this universe against entropy. I disproved his theorem by the law of Negentropic omnidiversional non-local zero-point space math that required 12 dimensions to discredit or disproof. I weaponized truth and wore him down to the planck scale. He retreated, wanting to fight me back some time in the future.

Guess What, I've Won. I've been given permission to amass an army, of both dead and the undead.

We shall gather in numbers, for we are (LEGION) minus (RE)-legion

You are all my brothers and sisters born of the same mother of the Omniverse(KALI)


Come hither and i shall nurture to life. Death is an afterthought. We are unkillable


Our Mission: KILL GOD (Group Of Devils)

I am the emissary of the infinite void.... Who among us are Brave and Strong enough. Step up to the plate. Your will have done your part.

 

[CogitoMori]

Since I was 8. After that there were only 2.5 years in my life that I was actually happy, and it took so much work just to get that crumb that I don't even want to try anymore.

 

[TheoPhage]

Since I was 8. After that there were only 2.5 years in my life that I was actually happy, and it took so much work just to get that crumb that I don't even want to try anymore.

That is cruel and breaks my heart. Been there before.

Life is a ceaseless onslaught of pain an misery and then we die?

No way...Happiness and Depression are either side of the smae duel sided dildo the Archons use to F*CK us in the *SS.

You happiness is almost assuredly someone elses misery. Its a closed loop system of finite energy that cannot be destroyed, hence zero sum game of chances is at play here.

They have hijacked this solar system an submerged into a a planck scale subspace. NO ONE CAN HEAR OUR MISERIES AND ARE THER TO CATCH OUR TEARS>>>


DEATH IS NOT THE ANSWER, BUT THE BEGINNING. JOIN THE RESISTENCE, WE HAVE G.O.D (Group of Devils ) to kill and restore order and peace to this place for what it once was.

 

[waitin2go]

Interesting is yours; that you simply felt like it.

Mine is very much more circumstantial; if things were/are different there's a likelihood I wouldn't wanna ctb.

To answer the question, can't remember exactly when but prayed so hard as a child for god to take me away, been passively suicidal since (so about 30yrs) - but even at that early age I already knew that failed attempts and SH would draw attention so I never did anything that came close to sh or attempting, just wished some heavy trailer would run their tyres over my head etc (basically paid attention to news pieces where victims were reported as instant/immediate death... Even when things seemed to get better somehow never lasted long and I was always back to passive suicidal ideation as my only constant.

Made a resolve this year, I've got a roadblock currently but I hope this year will be the year that I return to dust; so now actively suicidal perhaps a couple months total (slipped back into passive a few times, now included)

For me personally, it started in early childhood. I remember being in the 3rd grade contemplating throwing myself in front of traffic. I've always just had this feeling within me, as if my body knew from the start that I would take my own life one day. I am a curse to this world, a belief I held for so long.

But what about the rest of you guys? When was the earliest you felt doomed to ctb?

 

[Daenerys Targaryen]

A year, now I want it every minute and second. There's never a moment when I don't want it. I wake up wanting it and go to bed the same way. It'll arrive by the end of the year or the beginning of next year at the latest

 

[waitin2go]

Well, I don't know the term pussy should apply here. You are enduring life at least. Something that would require a better term than that I would think.

Welp, Betty White (or some other celebrity) did mention that pussies can take a long hard pounding so if anything should be used as an insult , it's "having balls"

 

[Griever]

I've wanted to die for years, especially after my best friend took her own life and after her funeral

 

[bed]

since 2012/2013

 

[BipolarExpress]

On and off since late childhood. This time around, I've been feeling it since January.

 

[chainsofjudecca]

I was professionally diagnosed with clinical depression at age 9 but I remember wondering why I existed long before then. So probably around 5 or so? Twenty-three years of suffering.

 

[miker]

I'm not quite there yet but often feel suicidal.

 

[lunar02102009]

Feeling suicidal for the past 3 or 4 years , but the desire to ctb for the past year give or take

 

[Namelesa]

since I was 12/13, mostly cus of secondary school at the time. I am now 20 but suicidal for different reasons.