I'm very sorry about it. Do you think there's a reason why you started having these thoughts this young, if I may ask? For example I don't think I really had a reason to be depressed besides the fact that I didn't have any friends. In reality, though, I think that back then I didn't have any friends because I was depressed and the other kids could sense my negativity, and not the other way around (depressed because I had no friends). Perhaps a deeply negative event, like a trauma, occurred during my early childhood and my brain suppressed the memory.