Discussion How long have you been suicidal?

[dietcokecan]

I've been suicidal for 2 years now and thought I'd have ctb by now so I've done nothing with my time and energy and my life's become a joke. It's hard to believe I've been in this hell for so long and still nowhere close to being able to end it.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Ideation since before 10 years old. 33 now. Don't know how I'm still here despite several attempts.

 

[astr4]

since i was a preteen and im late 20s now. it comes and goes tbh sometimes its intense and crippling and other times its more just passive reckless behaviour

i can actually remember distinct moments of "hey maybe i wanna live" but generally those were short lived delusions.

 

[Steff1337]

Over a decade.

 

[RoseGarden]

my entire fucking life i guess

 

[Hystearical]

At this level well over a decade. At least latently probably since childhood.

 

[drag201]

Since childhood

 

[wtg]

Since 2020, atleast 4 years, i dont remember anything before 2020

 

[rebelnow111]

along time. at times i have been since i was about 10

 

[rosepanda]

Coming up on 7 years now

 

[BojackH]

It's been 8 years now. Too afraid to attempt. But really want to.

 

[lacrimosa]

1 year, but that was after being treated like a lab rat for many many years when it comes to psychiatric medication. Now, I just don't care anymore what happens to my life and want to apply for government assistance in dying.

 

[catnowmeowmeow]

I feel like a newbie, couple of months

 

[Yaka]

since middle school - I am 19 now have a feb birthday and took 6th grade twice so feel free to do the math

 

[woundedanimal]

22 years. I attempted the first time in 2001.

I'm under 30.

 

[wCvML2]

Around 6 years, though sometimes it's just passive ideation

 

[dietcokecan]

I feel like a newbie, couple of months

I do too compared to the commenters in this thread

 

[Caughtincuff]

I've been dealing with this thought since I was 17, now I am 22. I remember though when I was a kid, I got yelled for something and I felt like I am all by myself so I decided to hang myself lol and when I did try it by just tying a knot on a neck and chocking myself, my self defence kicked in and I stopped after few seconds. so, maybe you can say I had this thought since I was a kid.

 

[sugarb]

I've been suicidal for 2 years now and thought I'd have ctb by now so I've done nothing with my time and energy and my life's become a joke. It's hard to believe I've been in this hell for so long and still nowhere close to being able to end it.

I wish I'd started keeping a diary earlier in life, then I might know for sure when I first seriously considered the idea. I think late middle school but probably before then, too. I've had depression as long as I can remember.

I've had long periods of unconscious suicidality where I was extremely depressed but pushed those thoughts away or ignored them before; my earliest was like 16, and my most severe was last year. The realization that I legitimately want to CTB came about two months ago

 

[oneirataxia]

Ever since I was around 10 years old, probably. But I had it far better back then than now.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

Over five and a half years. Every single moment.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I had my first suicidal thought about 15 years ago, but the thoughts weren't constant until the last 4-5 years

 

[Forever Sleep]

34 years- since I was 10. To varying degrees of course. It hasn't been intense the entire time. But, the thoughts have always been there, just at different depths.

For the past couple of years, they've bubbled up to the surface. Mainly I guess because I must be reaching a time where I can act on them. I've always wanted to wait for certain family members/ loved ones to go first.

 

[DarkFriend.]

I was 13.

17 years.

 

[borderlinee]

Since I was around 10, so for 9 years now.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

About 5-6 years, was actively suicidal for about a year, and currently passive again. But this is subject to change immediately depending on my situation. Suicidal bc of a big failure in life since early 40s.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've never really wished to exist in my case, I'm just not meant for existing rather all I'm meant for is the peace of eternal nothingness. This undesirable existence has only ever caused me to suffer, to exist as a conscious being is what I'd prefer to avoid no matter what, having the ability to exist is a futile and torturous burden that only death can bring me relief from. Wanting to die is really all I know, it's a response to existing, for me existence itself is the problem.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

10 years. 9 since my first attempt.

 

[Minsu]

For 9 years straight

 

[let.me.let.go87]

Suicidal since I was 12. SHing since I was 8. I had a small break from the badness between around I'd say ages 28-30 I'm 37 now idk why but I was homeless and unmedicated and everything was good for some reason ever tho it was shit