Discussion How long have you been experiencing suicidal thoughts?

[dogemn]

Have suicidal thoughts been a recent crisis for you, or something you've been struggling with or planning over many years? Personally I've been thinking about and planning suicide since I was about 11 years old, and I'm 29 now.

 

[failedmind]

Since I was 10. Started self harming at the same age too. I'm 24 now

 

[PaxAmericaX]

Always had sad moments living in fear of future or bullies. But When my dad was suddenly given weeks to live with terminal cancer and began to ask God to take my life and spare him. Then there was a dangerous operation for a chance Ito extend his life and while waiting for the operation to end I walked at work to a tree in my uniform thinking of hanging myself so I didnt have to face the news of his death. A friend called out of the blue and we had a coffee. He doesnt know.

After many thoughts of dying I actually began trying hanging in 2019 when I found I had blanked out during probate and made a stupid decision costing family a huge future tax allowance. The lawyer had been ignorant of the tax law and then been sly and then covered up. I also made cuts to my wrist that were superficial but the pain helped distract me from the mental pain.

Now I think other issues are driving me again to want to die. I just havent been able to smile in a month or get put of bed (sleeping on bedroom floor). I havent bathed but keep changing to clean clothes from time to time. I still look like shit having lost so much weight. I no longer have the will to live.

So its been various periods over the last 14 years

 

[pogostick]

I've been suicidal since I was 12-13 and I'm 19 now, I don't see it going away any time soon

 

[deep-sleeper]

Since middle school, it never got any better

 

[Alexandra_]

I've had suicidal thoughts my entire life. Even as a child, I realized I needed to put an end to this horrible existence as quickly as possible

 

[FuneralCry]

It's not a crisis rather for me it's a response to being burdened with something so torturous and futile as existence, for me ceasing to exist is all that's positive and as long as I've existed I've always hoped for peace.

All I hope for is permanent relief from all pain and suffering where this dreadful, deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as a mistake is finally all forgotten about, existence is always the problem to me and I personally see no value in suffering so unnecessarily with no limit as to how much one can be tortured just to die in agony from old age.

 

[R-7]

15 years with it going to be 16 in March so my suicidal ideation is going to be old enough to drive. Yay.

I'm 32 so basically half of my time on this rock.

 

[Defenestration]

2004...but since beginning 2024 all time

 

[dead dav]

I used to imagine dying when I was 12 due to bullying got suicidal in my 20s

 

[Pfysch]

Started when I was 8. One of my only clear memories from that time was googling how young you" had to be" to kill yourself and becoming disappointed that there weren't really reports from kids my age. The ideation never went away, clearly, but it's changed forms a number of times.

 

[Siegfrida]

On and off since I was 14 or 15. I am almost 40 now.

 

[Hollowman]

Off and on since I was 12 So 39 years

 

[cubibibibism]

i've been suicidal since i was 11 :)

 

[itsgone2]

Off and on since I was 12 So 39 years

This isn't specific to @Hollowman but for anyone where it's been over half your life, why are you still here? Is it just si? It's discouraging if so.

 

[Hollowman]

This isn't specific to @Hollowman but for anyone where it's been over half your life, why are you still here? Is it just si? It's discouraging if so.

I'm trying to wait for my mom to go first. It's si too.

 

[IRHEXED]

I had a pretty good go in 2016. Since then it's fluctuated. The past 6 months it's all i can think about. I started seriously planning for success since last week.

 

[kitkat9234]

On and off since I was 16. Im about to be 42. Been thinking about it constantly and consistently for the past three years…..

 

[aphrodite]

Since I was 7 years old. I'm 29 now.

 

[Ineedoutofhere]

I didn't know what killing yourself was at around 5, but I use to wish I was never born and hated life already at the youngest age I can remember.

This isn't specific to @Hollowman but for anyone where it's been over half your life, why are you still here? Is it just si? It's discouraging if so.

Because I'm scared of doing it, the physical pain and the guilt. Right now I want to die more than ever.

 

[discman19999]

I always knew as soon as when my marriage ends I will want to die. And now that it ended 4 weeks ago I have almost prepped everything. I am basically just waiting to have enough strength to push through

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Since 10. Currently 18. Tried at 11, again at 15, then a few months ago too.

 

[Busridin'26]

Since 2 yrs old.

 

[Hangman.]

I have been suicidal since 12.

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

Since I was 11

 

[Cansado_Depressivo]

Have suicidal thoughts been a recent crisis for you, or something you've been struggling with or planning over many years? Personally I've been thinking about and planning suicide since I was about 11 years old, and I'm 29 now.

I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 12. I'm 33 now. I've been living with this anguish for 21 years.