How long have you been depressed for?

[lostholmer]

Idk, if it makes sense, but I'm depressed since I was 7 (I'm 20, btw), even my psychiatrist kinda laughed at this.
But I clearly remember my thoughts at that moment. Well-known "I'm a disappointment", "Without me everything would be better", so on.
And having suicidal thoughts since something around 14. Of course not actively, but pretty often

 

[NoIdeaAtAll]

I'm 27, female, had severe depression since about 6 years ago and getting progressively worse. Also been an addict since I was 15.

If you feel suicidal, how long have you felt that way and do you feel like that every day?

I've always described it like this. If a genie were to give me three wishes, no matter what day it was or what was happening, death would be one of my wishes, no questions asked. The only difference between a good day and a bad day would be if it was wish number one or wish number three.

A whimsical way to (terribly) convey a haunting and soul crushing and heart wrenching unhappiness. Something to counteract the abject misery ever present in every moment of existence even when I'm in love and I'm not sick or in pain like I am most of the time, even then I just want it all to end so desperately

Much love to anyone reading this who feels depressed and suicidal and is having to deal with this too

I feel exact same, especially when you say "The only difference between a good day and a bad day would be if it was wish number one or wish number three"

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I don't think I've ever been very happy and I certainly haven't felt entirely content with life since my teens. I've had suicidal thoughts for over 8 years now, so definitely for that long at least.

 

[SHThrowAway213]

I'm not actually depressed.
I used to be when I was a teenager.
But I have actually been suicidal since I was 12, which was the age of my first attempt.

 

[LostInSociety]

I'm a 27 year old male living with depression from 18 and suicidal for all 9 years.
Some people just should not have kids.

I think my depression started when I was small 7 - 11 just never let it get to me but after school shit went down hill.

 

[grungeCat]

I'm 21 years old and I have been depressed for 13 years. They diagnosed depression in me when I was 8 years old.

 

[Sherri]

Most of my life. Edit, but only 5 years ago became crippling.

 

[Cursed4ever]

Past 12 to 13 Yrs

 

[MrBlue]

I've been for most of life, but actively for around 6 years now. Can't even get dying right!

 

[itachi of death]

Jesus what an asshole whattt

I can't talk about it to this day without everyone getting mad and saying I'm starting shit

 

[clearing eyes]

not sure. i'm 19 now but i can remember that i felt relatively normal until about second grade. i can't say for certain because i don't really remember my childhood.

 

[Lupgevif]

I've had signs of depression since childhood (low self-esteem, exagerated pessimism, anxiety, guilt, social isolation), but I can't pinpoint an age. So I had an adolescence full of doubt about my true condition. I like to tell therapists I was sure I had depression by the end of my age of 16, right when I turned 17 (I'm 22.5 now), but I'm I sure developed it much earlier.

 

[imacrybaby]

I've been depressed since I was 13 and I'm 20 now.

 

[albino_elk]

I can't talk about it to this day without everyone getting mad and saying I'm starting shit

I hated my stepfather so i was putting sleep pills in his fking coffee :dd...

 

[itachi of death]

I hated my stepfather so i was putting sleep pills in his fking coffee :dd...

He has seizures and uses that as an excuse to be a piece of shit,so I fought him everyday till I eventually moved out ,and everything that happened to him was my fault,so I couldn't get away with something like that,love the idea.

 

[albino_elk]

He has seizures and uses that as an excuse to be a piece of shit,so I fought him everyday till I eventually moved out ,and everything that happened to him was my fault,so I couldn't get away with something like that,love the idea.

What a piece of a sad shit . Well at least you dont need to talk to him. I was waiting my step father to die first so i could say finally you have died u moron but i guess i will die first now:D

 

[Pho3nix]

Since the age of 10. Both my parents are narcissistic sociopaths who should never have had kids. The female DNA donor was a cold, nasty bitch. The male DNA donor was a raging, abusive bastard who kept threatening to kill me.

 

[itachi of death]

What a piece of a sad shit . Well at least you dont need to talk to him. I was waiting my step father to die first so i could say finally you have died u moron but i guess i will die first now:D

I unfortunately had to move in to my moms again but hes too scared to do anything anymore,he threw my weed out so I made a scene and almost beat him , and same but he still might die before me :)either was is a success i suppose

 

[lostangel]

I remember about 13 but I also remember my mom getting extremely angry when I was 9 or 10 for ''never smiling''. Her anger was the reason I would never smile.

 

[BlackCatTalk]

I'm 30 and I started when I was 13

 

[SuicideBoys93]

I would say it's been bad enough for me to seek help for about 2.5-3yrs. I recently split with my wife just over a month ago so there's really no telling how low I'll continue to go.

 

[Symbiote]

Since I was 8. So about 28 years now. Also treatment resistant.

 

[Mendmywings7]

Im 26 started when I was 12 or 13, my stepfather was a mental abuser,he spit in my food and put salt in my hair while I slept and no one ever believed me,called me a liar and got scolded for it,but all of his family and most of mine,and that started from ages 8-15 and it was terrible and diagnosed with clinc depression and bipolor at 11 ,so I really don't know what life is like not depressed tbh

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through and what you're going through. Since you mentioned you don't know what it's like to be free from depression as it's all you've known, I also don't know and I wanted to ask you, given that fact, do you at all get scared of being happy, almost like you've grown so accustomed to the misery that that's all you know so there's a level of familiarity and comfort with it almost. Even though it's completely antithetical to a comfortable experience and existence. Kind of like you're just used to it and sabotage your chances to be happy. I'm explaining this really badly because if I knew how to feel happy or even just okay I'd jump on it, but does any of that ring true to you at all or am I just crazy lol

I would say it's been bad enough for me to seek help for about 2.5-3yrs. I recently split with my wife just over a month ago so there's really no telling how low I'll continue to go.

I'm sorry you're going through that, I suspect that I might be going through a breakup soon as I'm in a relationship with a narcissist (someone with narcissistic personality disorder) who constantly uses gaslighting techniques to get control over me and a whole myriad of other things, but I am still in love with him which makes it impossible for me to leave, I really feel like it would be easier to leave reality altogether than to leave the relationship. Anyway if you want to chat feel free to message me and stay strong
I

Since the age of 10. Both my parents are narcissistic sociopaths who should never have had kids. The female DNA donor was a cold, nasty bitch. The male DNA donor was a raging, abusive bastard who kept threatening to kill me.

I also haven't had much luck in the parent department. If people don't want kids or can't look after them and just be decent human beings then they shouldn't have them and I wish they hadn't because now I'm forced into this existence. Are you okay? Message me if you want to chat

Since I was 8. So about 28 years now. Also treatment resistant.

Jesus christ that's a long time. I'm going on about 20 years and it's treatment resistant too. Seems like there's no way out. How are you coping? Message me if you need a chat

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I am 18 and have been depressed noticeably since before I was 14. I think I may have had issues from very young but it's harder for me to analyse and identify behavior when I was younger and less self aware. I know it started out quite mild. I had general poor self image and a lot of stress and sadness. It became quite obvious at 14 because I stopped doing anything for weeks at a time and would just lie in bed bored and sad. It's gotten worse from there.

 

[itachi of death]

I'm sorry to hear what you've been through and what you're going through. Since you mentioned you don't know what it's like to be free from depression as it's all you've known, I also don't know and I wanted to ask you, given that fact, do you at all get scared of being happy, almost like you've grown so accustomed to the misery that that's all you know so there's a level of familiarity and comfort with it almost. Even though it's completely antithetical to a comfortable experience and existence. Kind of like you're just used to it and sabotage your chances to be happy. I'm explaining this really badly because if I knew how to feel happy or even just okay I'd jump on it, but does any of that ring true to you at all or am I just crazy lol

Your actually spot on,I even got with this crazy girl and she'd abuse me all types of shit and I took it because thats what I felt I deserved, I ruin every happiness I'm close to and its an instinct thing,I dont do it on purpose words and actions come out of me uncontrollably like my self conscious hates me,which I do hate my self,but your not crazy but all thats true for me,just waiting for the bus isuppose

 

[Squiddy]

I'm 22 now, I have been depressed on and off since I was 14. My main reason for being depressed and suicidal was because I was getting bullied by just about everyone in the school. Now, my reasons have changed, (even though I have PTSD from the bullying).

 

[ForbiddenSiren]

Around 14 years

 

[Mendmywings7]

Ive known since my first memories that i did not belong nor deserve the hand i was delt in this life. Like the universe made some foul mistake in putting a gental soul through tge depths of depravity ive experienced. My first real and true suicide attempt was at 7yo i stole 8 soma muscle relaxer pills from my heroine adict father and took them. I saw a glimpse of death but was yanked back. I was in a coma for 2 days having grandmalls n when i woke up it was a week before i could walk. No one even asked me why i did what i did. Before this i vaugly remember swallowing random things in hopes i would die like pennies, gum, pins, anything with seeds hopping a tree would actually grow out of me.

I feel like I don't deserve my life or to be here. I know I'm a useless waste of space and my life could go to someone who appreciated it and actually wants to be here rather than me just apathetically wallowing in misery
Let me know if you want to chat and I hope you're doing okay

Idk, if it makes sense, but I'm depressed since I was 7 (I'm 20, btw), even my psychiatrist kinda laughed at this.
But I clearly remember my thoughts at that moment. Well-known "I'm a disappointment", "Without me everything would be better", so on.
And having suicidal thoughts since something around 14. Of course not actively, but pretty often

Yeah people don't understand how you can be depressed from such a young age but when you feel worthless and miserable from that young then it's pretty much all you've ever known. At least I feel that way. If you want to chat drop me a message

I don't think I've ever been very happy and I certainly haven't felt entirely content with life since my teens. I've had suicidal thoughts for over 8 years now, so definitely for that long at least.

I don't think I have ever been truly happy either. I hope you're doing okay. Let me know if you need someone to talk to

 

[It'sNotLookingGood]

My depression came with puberty really - I guess that was somewhat the catalyst.

I first remember wondering whether I have depression, or whether how I was feeling was simply natural and part of life's ups and downs, aged 15. I'm 20 now.
I've pretty much become increasingly depressed each year. It got very severe at 18ish. I have perhaps never struggled more with depression than I did at 18 - not because my depression has lessened now, rather just that I am more accustomed/adjusted to it. I think I probably feel more constantly depressed aged 20, but I am less often completely overwhelmed/bed-ridden by my depression now.

Suicidal ideation probably started lightly/passively at around 16, again increasing dramatically each year. At 18 I was thinking about it a lot, wishing to be dead, but not very actively suicidal. For much of being 19, I felt actively suicidal, but lacked information on how to ctb. I would go to train tracks and stuff, or try and research where I could jump from and how I might get there. These methods are ofc not advisable. Shortly before turning 20, I read the PPHB, and soon after found SS.
That's 4 years of feeling suicidal, and for at least the last 2+ years, I have thought about suicide literally every day. Often, that would used to just mean thinking about in passing, maybe a few times a day. It's obviously much more severe than that now.

 

[Maperer]

I am 27, I think I was sorta depressed during my teenage years, but didn't really comprehend it. Then in my early twenties I realized something was seriously wrong and started develop genuine suicidal thoughts. Got better for a few years when I entered a relationship. But since it ended Ive only gotten worse and worse.