How long have all of you wanted to ctb

[useless]

At least 8 years.

 

[Mr2004]

I always knew at around 14 that something wasn't right but thought I would give life a try but always in the back of my head knew I wanted to die and that my brain wasn't on my side

I'm 28 this year so I can say I have wanted to CTB for almost half my life

I have an unwritten rule that you should only CTB if you have had the idea for many years
Not just some rash decision

What about you guys

I agree. As you can tell by my username it's been fourteen years for me to. I'm 32 so not quite half my life but half the life I remember. Suicidal for 8 years after wasting 6 that totally could have been avoided. What I wouldn't give for a time machine but failing that I think it's best I die soon

 

[Endthismisery]

Thanks for all the comments amazing hearing other people's storys

I wish mental health was taken so much more serious in the U.K. it's a joke the waiting list is about five years long and you end up with some poor trainee that is not dealing with someone having a bad day that's is truly fucked up

And therapy is so so so expensive

I mean you guys in the us have to pay for everything so I feel even worst for you guys


I see you guys mention about how you have good days I do as well but then the darkness comes in

I can't get over the darkness in the world and it haunts me everyday and makes me know that suicide is going to be my path

Thanks again for all the replies

 

[Mljonzy]

Just turned 29 been wanting to do it for 8 god damn years but for some reason i just not done it i hope to god i get the job done within the next 10 years. Been severely depressed since 14 fucking years old more than half my life. Normal people have no idea how lucky they are.

 

[Paulsmith]

I have been thinking about it since I was 20. Nearly 32 now

 

[Kev]

I am currently 21 and have been seriously suicidal for 3 years. Everyone in my life learned about this about 6 months ago.

Every day for those 3 years, I have a debate with myself on whether to live or die. The only reason I'm still here is because there are people I love who would be severely traumatized by my suicide; that reason is why I have chosen to live every day so far. I am trying to get better for the people in my life. I have chosen to die on two days. The first, I was stopped by my best friend, who I was in love with, because she begged me not to and I thought she would kill herself if I did. The second, there was something very fortunate that happened and was such a coincidence on the day I was planning to CTB that I took it as a sign to not do it. But recently things have been getting worse and worse, and despite my efforts, I am still constantly disappointed by life. I have many reasons to truly believe that my future is only going to be even more of a depressing shitshow than it already is. I am truly ready to die. I have a long, thorough suicide note (it really should be called my suicide dissertation because it's like 3000 words), so the people in my life do not wonder "why?", a very detailed and well researched plan that will absolutely guarantee my death, and I no longer have any affairs I need to take care of. I am very close to choosing death again, and you know what they say: the third time's the charm.

 

[Rocky M]

6 years, or at least that's when I really started thinking hard about suicide. There's always been that underlying thought that something isn't right.

 

[Ssname]

Since just about the start of the year. I'm sorry other people have gone through this for so long

 

[Wintergirl666]

I first thought about suicide when I was 10 years old. My first attempt happend when I was 13. Now I'm 18 and still want to die. But I'm confident that I'll commit suicide before I turn 19

 

[TAW122]

Since I was around middle school, so probably 11-12 years of age. I've never really gave it serious consideration until my late teens due to a shitty childhood, shitty life, and then during college when my social skills were shit, academics weren't great (just good enough to graduate but barely applied or retained the knowledge I learned during school). And of course, now, given my shitty life situation, I desperately seek for an effective out. I would say that I've given the idea of suicide a very thorough examination and find that ultimately, I'd still pick death over life as life isn't always going to get better.

 

[ThisIsTheEnd]

I have been thinking about it since I was 14. I'm 16 now.

 

[throwaway123]

I have been thinking about it since I was 20. Nearly 32 now

Christ, that's my worst nightmare.

 

[wezel]

When my mother had killed herself I instinctively knew at the time that I would end the same way.
I had witnessed her gruelling mental decay and suffering until she finally gave in.
Now my own check out time is set, I will report back for a last message when my bus arrives.
No more blabbering until then from Wezel.

 

[FadedMemory]

Since I was 12, for the past six years.

 

[InaccessibleHour]

Reasons have changed over the years but I first took the idea seriously two years ago. Not for very long though. Then last year I also wanted to because of the reasons a lot of other people do it. I got on SSRIs though around a year ago too and since then everything's been a lot better. Since several weeks ago now I am seriously doing it and I've already kinda tried. This here is the only time I've actually truthfully seriously wanted to do this other then just wanting to die or waiting around for it which ain't happening apparently I guess I have to bring it on.

 

[Okami]

Since I was around 9 years old, though I was unsatisfied with life even before then.

 

[Lost]

Since 1 year. After fail attempt.

 

[Radaghast94]

Just over 2 years, I realised my head was permanently fucked but up until I was 22 I always had some vague sense of hope in the back of my mind. As I've gotten older and im still flailing I feel more and more strongly that I have to end my own struggle and there is basically fuck all doctors can do to help somebody like me, and I no longer have the motivation to help myself.

 

[Phro]

I've been wanting to ctb for about nine years now.

 

[Duqu]

I've been thinking seriously about it since I was 13 or so...30 now. 2 attempts so far, plus lots of self-injury.

 

[JustDie]

4 years.

 

[throwaway123]

Since I was born, I'm not even kidding. My life was shit since the beginning. It only got worse and worse.

 

[Deadman]

What is ctb+

 

[Duqu]

What is ctb+

Catch The Bus = kill yourself

 

[Miss clefable]

3 years slowly consuming me

 

[RacilyDank]

This time around, about 3 months, but I've been here many, many times.

It's hard to say exactly when my thoughts went from "I feel so bad I'd rather be dead" to "I actively want to die".

Was this a transition for everybody?

I can't imagine anyone just wakes up one day and thinks "I want to die"...

 

[Synthroz]

It started about 4 years ago , but it has really gotten worse over the last 2 years.

 

[Caustic Cardinals]

I have fucked it up a few times. Now I am investing months of time and money.

 

[Aragon]

It started when I was 16, I felt I couldn't make it in the world, and I was right. I went to live with someone until I turned 18, and bad things occurred, thanks to me, myself and I. Your choices in life will be the outcome of your future. What you do, where you live, how you act. Then everything went down hill three years later, then I was fine after a year. I moved away again and was depressed for years, (it never goes away,) and then finally 2017 hit last year and I suddenly became ill. And I mean ill in the mind, paranoia and some form of mental illness. I live next to nightmares, they also make my life hell. I've cut off everyone I know and now am alone. I've always not wanted to exist.

Before I turned 16, everything was sort of okay. I guess my childhood choices did affect me later on in life. And then I stopped caring, but then started caring, and it was a never ending story. And here I am now, upset and finding it hard to go on.

 

[jaemus12]

It started around 2012.

It kinda popped in and out of my head back in the day and I had lots of ups and downs. Now it's just all downs and I went online to search for CTB stuff and methods. I found SS on Reddit in 2017 and now I'm here...still waiting for my bus that will come (hopefully) very soon.