How long have all of you wanted to ctb

[Endthismisery]

I always knew at around 14 that something wasn't right but thought I would give life a try but always in the back of my head knew I wanted to die and that my brain wasn't on my side

I'm 28 this year so I can say I have wanted to CTB for almost half my life

I have an unwritten rule that you should only CTB if you have had the idea for many years

Not just some rash decision

What about you guys

 

[RoloTomasi]

Several months, on the few side, but I'm already projecting years of suffering and disappointment.

 

[killmepls]

I had a miserable childhood but can't remember then. At least since I was a teenager

 

[Smilla]

Between my first attempt and the intervening years until now it adds up for 25 years; however, I was not actively suicidal for all of those years.

Have been acutely suicidal for about the last two.

 

[shadow11]

A couple months just keep getting sicker

 

[ganpres37]

i've had it in my mind for a few years, but only recently did i decide i truly wanted to end my life

 

[lv-gras]

years

 

[StarDust]

21 years.... attempted made it then brought back a few years ago...no serious again after losing everything I hold dear... but yeah...21 years

 

[solacely]

Since I was 12. I'm 17 now.

 

[ScaredOfLife]

21 years.... attempted made it then brought back a few years ago...no serious again after losing everything I hold dear... but yeah...21 years

What was your method when you attempted?

 

[StarDust]

What was your method when you attempted?

Full suspension hanging. I never knew what hit me after 7 seconds. I died...talk about bliss then some asshat with a d-fib couldn't get enough of shocking the hell out of me.

 

[Pallf]

Since my first year of college. It's been three years now, entering my fourth.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

I was like 15 or 16 when I first thought about hanging myself from a tree. I couldn't stand school and the thought of working for the rest of my life filled me with dread.
So suicide has been my backup plan for like a decade now... shit.

 

[wanttodie]

have been wanting to die for about 20 years

 

[Sidestep]

My first attempt was about 7 years ago so I'd say that's how long I've felt like this, with some ups and downs though.

 

[skyofAuroras]

Also since I was 14, I'm 20 now. I started fantasizing about suicide daily at that age, and I even attempted once at 17.

 

[Oblivion]

Since i was 14. i'm 30 now

 

[creatureoflight]

Since I was 19, I'm 27 now but hoping to stick around for a few more years if possible

 

[Tiburcio]

I am suicidal since I was 12.

Two things I learned from it:

1- young people YES can be right in their thought, nothing changed in all that years. My perception of my reality was right.
2- Time DOESN'T heal anything, it only open your wounds more and more with each year.

 

[DF90]

Since around ages 7 or8. So, around 17 years.

 

[skitliv]

Probably 2 1/2 years now, although I got my first suicide fantasies since I was 18, 11 years ago

 

[Midnight]

18 years give or take with on and off suicidal tendencies. Depression was throughout the years (except for 2-3 years with gf).

 

[creatureoflight]

I think suicide is not a impulsive decision for most of us but something that took years to develop and a lot of deliberate thought to do it. The mainstream media always show it as being some kind of impulsive behavior but it is not

 

[Midnight]

I think suicide is not a impulsive decision for most of us but something that took years to develop and a lot of deliberate thought to do it. The mainstream media always show it as being some kind of impulsive behavior but it is not

Exactly ... They believe impulse was the reason for ctb but it was rather the impulse that pushed em over the edge. The last drop that made the bucket overflow.

For me it's the same ... It's been nearly 2 decades like this. One day something will happen that gives me the strenght to actually do it. When or what it will be i don't know.

 

[DeepSleep]

I'm 28 this year so I can say I have wanted to CTB for almost half my life

Not just some rash decision

What about you guys

Since 12. Now 38. That gives us solid 26 years, in and out.

I think if so-called "mental" energy was a real thing, and my despair and self-hatred for all those years could be condensed, compressed, and made into a projectile or mental bomb - it would have obliterated a small town..

 

[ninaevol]

Since I was around 15-16, I'm 20 now. I only recently decided for sure that I'm going to end it. I also always knew there was something wrong since childhood. I was always a very sad, moody loner, had a feeling it would happen one day.

 

[betteroffdead]

The first time I looked up suicide methods, I was 11. I'm 25 now. I've fantasized about killing myself every single day since.
Been suffering for well over a decade now and I'm so sick of hanging on.

 

[IRIYAMA]

Started researching CTB in 2013, had a failed attempt in '14 with random partner I met online and it took a few years after that of being in online forums to learn how to order N and successfully import it.
Was diagnosed with an illness early '13 and life has been full of physical and neuropathic pain since with many symptoms and decreased quality of life..

 

[CRM]

First considered it seven years ago. Been on-and-off serious about it since, hence why I'm not already dead, but the thought of doing it has always lingered. I've accomplished nothing since then and I'm getting too old to change.

 

[anna]

I would say that always ... although I had good moments in which I thought there was some hope, the idea always hovered in my head
and never completely disappeared
now it's the only thing in my thoughts