When should you have ctb?

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I should have ctb 5 years ago when i first joined this website. or at least 2.5 years ago. i've had a shotgun since 2.5 years ago . but my si has made excuses , been afraid to pull the trigger of the shotgun in my mouth. i've been on this site 5 years and time passes so fast seems like a few days i just joined .

 

[-nobodyknows-]

The best time would've been 6 years ago. I feel guilty for not doing it earlier because I feel like the longer I stay the harder it would be for people if I do it

 

[We Are Angels]

Should have commited suicide at the end of 2020, before I was ghosted by the person I loved most, and gained 100 Ibs

 

[AuroraB]

I feel like I should have ctb 6 years ago but everyones stupid "It gets better" sayings kept me going. When do you feel you should have ctb?

i tried and failed when i was under 18. i'm in my early 60s now. good days, bad days. good years and bad years. my mom CTB in 1991. i was in my late 20s. i vowed i wouldn't CTB until my dad passed and he's been gone 3 years now. time just flew by. i'm suprised i'm still here. for now.

 

[AuroraB]

Should have commited suicide at the end of 2020, before I was ghosted by the person I loved most, and gained 100 Ibs

i was also trashed/ghosted by the person i loved the most. we did 10 years on/off (mostly on) and now we're over 4.5 years no contact. my life has been so much calmer/easier w/out them in it but i still miss them and think of them 1000 times a day.

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

I can relate.

Personally, I wish my mother had had a miscarriage or something.
When I was a teenager I had thoughts about jumping out of the window or going to a high building a jumping there. Maybe I should have done it. I was so little but already had so much trauma under my belt. Those thoughts weren't obsessive thoughts but nevertheless.

As an adult I think I should have done it last year. I stupidly didn't do it because I kept hoping things would work out with this guy I was talking to and maybe then I could give life another chance. It was this teeny tiny glimpse of hope I had. But he turned out to be a pathological liar just wasting my time. Still kicking myself for sticking around and not seeing through his bs earlier. But on the other hand, it gave me time to save a bit more money for my death trip.

Like you said, I bought into the "it gets better" lie for way too long. Especially when I was religious. So yeah, I should have ctb-ed already and yet I am still rotting here. In a month I have to start my preparations - book flights, hotels, try to find N, or find SN if I can't find N. Etc. Lately the only thought that's on my mind is - "will I really pull this off??"

Once I book everything and embark on my journey, there will be no such thing as going back. There is nothing and no one to go back to, and I will have spend all my money on the trip. There is no future for me. At least not the kind of future that I would like.

 

[vampire2002]

when i was 19, in late 2021. i nearly did it then. didn't succeed. but i wish i had often. i've been broken beyond repair since what happened that year. not that i wasn't broken before then, but i think that was the point of no return, after what i endured in 2021. it was a total nightmare, but living in limbo since then might just be worse. only still here because it's hard to get the method i want.

 

[Surai]

I should have drowned in that pool but how would I have known until I did. I intended to leave before my graduation in 2021 but I guess I "forgot"

 

[Deviisdreaming-]

I probably should've done it after my assault, because I completely changed after that. Even when I thought I was distraught after being confined to an inhabitable home, beaten by my parents, threatened with homelessness I still had life left in me. Obviously now I don't have much.

 

[pariah80]

I should've done this around age 14 or 15.

 

[willow115]

There are years where I should've closed it out for sure. I pushed and pushed. I was in harsh circumstances but lively and spirited. Life is finally fading out of me.

 

[Bear1234]

I should have ctb'ed a year and 4 months ago when i got hit with this illness.

 

[cryone]

i think the best time was last year when I joined this website. I'm still suffering, but much less that I can't even grasp how I felt last year. life used to be misery 24/7. I should've died then when I felt the most passionate abt death, but I didn't. now, I think I'm stuck in a limbo state with 0 energy to commit to anything.

 

[Death is love]

when i was 14. my mental health was going to shit then and my fate was sealed the second i had my first suicidal thought at that age. i've been dead for 7 years. i wish my body would've just complied with that back then too.

 

[Unknown21]

When i was 14 yo.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

When I went from being a relatively normal (albeit somewhat traumatised) primary school-aged child to severely depressed and suicidal within the same year (so 10 years old). I feel like I exist in a different reality to everyone else. It's almost been a decade since then and things are still rough. I should have just done it then as opposed to watching my life morph into the absolute disaster it is now

 

[TANETS]

mom shouldve borted me. but hmmm maybe 2015. 2014 was a great year for me, 2015 was meh, 2016 was the worst. never had a good year since.

 

[theolivanderroach]

I should have never been born in the first place. I was literally an accident, an unplanned pregnancy. But I guess 2011 because it's only been downhill since then.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Back in 2022, it's only gotten worse since then. Wish my SI was as gone, I have 0 reasons not to go

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Last year

 

[opheliaoveragain]

13, 14, 16, 22, 27, 30. now, I want 33 to be my last year. been too long.

 

[Pryras]

I wish I died in 2018. Life was bearable back then and nothing really terrible happened to me.

 

[hereornot]

Soon. Just wait for a deadbeat to pay me what he owes.

I believe that only by dying will I be able to escape from those who stalk me.

I thought they had given up on stalking me, but I did a test and there they are. And I remember very well the extortion they made on me two years ago.

I don't have the amount required and even if I did, I would never pay the scammers. And the worst part is that I think my brother is involved.

If dying is the only way to have privacy, then let them try to stalk me in heaven.

Justice doesn't work in Brazil and I've never seen the police do anything positive in this regard. On the contrary. They know the criminals and do nothing, and worse still, they participate in the scams.

 

[Redleaf1992]

I think back to the start of year when I was about to attempt but decided against it at the time.

If I did I would not have had to go through this year and 10months would now have passed for people to move on.

 

[CatLvr]

Many times in the past. Always found a reason to kick the can down the road.

I can see myself in this comment.

 

[ChaosWandering]

5 years ago (this month) I attempted to ctb, but failed. 5 extra years where nothing has improved, in fact its got worse.

 

[divinemistress36]

5 years ago (this month) I attempted to ctb, but failed. 5 extra years where nothing has improved, in fact its got worse.

I agree that the last 5 years have been the worse

 

[zulu123]

Last time I had the chance. Had my SN drink ready and decided not to drink it. One year later and I regret it

 

[slinkey10]

My answer, if it were possible would be the time travel idea - go back in time and stop my mum getting pregnant with me.
Its been a battle from teh moment I cam out of her... eye roll x10

 

[SA1994EC]

I should have been born still. It was a torture growing up in my family. My parents should not have had me, and they said so to me.