How Long Has Suicide Been On Your Mind?

[LonelySoul]

I have the Keith lane book too. It arrived a few weeks ago, but I haven't read it yet. Cliffs of despair seems better written as far as I can tell.
Yes belle tout is the sheerest drop. About 534 feet I think. Yet standing up there I'm always wary it doesn't seem quite high enough. Which is ludicrous.
I don't think I could jump. The fear is too great. Not while there are other options.

I know what you mean about the height at Belle Tout. I was always led to believe that the Head was higher, but that chalks up (no pun intended) to 531 ft.

Belle Tout definitely better if you don't want to potentially land on any ledges, or get stuck in vegetation which grows there.
Cliffs of Despair is more detailed. The Keith Lane book was good, but written more from an emotional viewpoint.

I felt that Cliffs of Despair was written by someone who wanted to know the finer details of suicides at Beachy Head. The author said that it was his nephew's suicide which prompted him to write a book, but I just got the feeling that he was using that is an excuse.

Tom Hunt (author) does get the finer details from the pathology department. I suspect that we are all curious about the aftermath of a suicide, especially a Beachy Head suicide!

 

[mediocre]

The suicidal ideation probably started around 12. It was my first year in high school and I was bullied very badly that it caused me so much stress and damage to my mental state. I've never really recovered. That was 15 years ago. I had thoughts about it now and again over the years until a year or so ago now it's in my mind constantly 24/7. I had never actively planned it until about 6 months ago. Now I feel I am close to being ready.

 

[Walilamdzi]

I think I've always had that inkling in the back of my mind, but it's been far worse for the past 3 years. For 6 months last year I was in a terrible depression, and it's worse or as bad as it was then now.

 

[paula1326]

since I was maybe 16 yrs old .... now I'm 70 and have the final plans in place for a departure. I stayed all these years becuz of my animal companions. the last one died friday.

 

[morningdew]

I think it crosses a lot peoples minds throughout their life. For me, the last 4 years I've wished I was dead almost even one of those days. Just can't seem to go through with it.

 

[Woodnote]

I've been suicidal since I was 11 years old. I'm 23 now.

 

[Bct]

The first was around 12 years ago perhaps, when I was on junior high school even though it was only a one-off thought. It resurfaced again around 2 years ago when my small business was a flop and I didn't able to land a job but I was still strong enough.

Fast forward, it has been around two months of daily suicidal thoughts because I got a bad assessment from my dream job & also my latest crush was ghosting me (also with some hopeless future due to COVID-19). Everything stems out from my lack of social skills due to past traumas and I don't think I could be saved. Hopefully I could gather enough strength and mood so I could take SN peacefully.

 

[MissKatrina]

My first attempt was when I was 6 years old. I was likely suicidal before then too, but I don't remember clearly.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I think I've always felt indifferent about my life, knowing that I didn't belong. Around 20 though (I'm 27 now), it really hit me and it's all I've yearned for ever since.

 

[EnvyTangerine]

Since early 2019 for me

 

[exhaustedanonymous]

Since I was 6, maybe even younger. But at 6 years old I told my mother I'd rather be dead

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Over a decade.

 

[ermurazor]

Since i was 13

 

[sleepyturtle]

when i think i was either 9 or 10, no older. I had this wardrobe that on the back of i would write "i want to die" over and over and over. that feelings never really gone away, i didnt think id make it this far and i was definitely Hoping I wouldn't

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Passively up until a year or 2 ago. Now it's almost all I think about. The other thing I think about is what is causing me to CTB (hopefully soon).

 

[Darkover]

i've been suicidal for 18 years now ever since turning 18 years old

 

[SuicideDreams]

Oh about 15 years now.

 

[Octavia]

Huh, I guess that we are digging up graves now. Gender dysphoria since 7, death wish since 12, death seeking since 19.

 

[FuneralCry]

I cannot even remember not wishing to die. Not wanting to exist is all that I know really. Even when I was very young I found the thought of death to be very comforting and this lead to me eventually thinking about suicide methods once I got a bit older.

 

[Ghostofthepast]

Off and in since I was about 6 maybe 7

 

[outrider567]

Since 1/24/22