how I've been ..?

[fleshgarden]

I feel weird if I respond to threads and thing without posting for some reason. the reason I stopped posting was because me and my girlfriend had a conversation one day about how I want to die and she was trying to give me hope for the future. it worked for just a little while, I guess. I was just trying not to feel like my only objective left in life was dying. but, I have still been feeling that way. I just didn't want to trigger it to be worse because I know I WILL have to live unless some miracle method supplies are given to me.. but it's absolutely horrible now so I'm here again. I'm so tired of existing at all. I don't want to be happy, I don't want to be sad, I don't want anything out of life, I've already experienced life and I've had enough. it doesn't matter if my life was any better, even if I had the best life I wouldn't care for it. I just wish I were nothingness and it is dreadful, knowing I should be nothing but I'm something. no matter how good it is for me I just wish for death.. I don't know how to cope with still being alive. anyways that's all. sorry for clogging up the forums, I know it isn't important. I just wanted to post before interacting with threads.

 

[kinderbueno]

No you're not clogging up the forums it's perfectly okay to vent
I don't know who you are but welcome back! I know how you feel, its like even if everything were good the feeling of wanting to disappear would still be there

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering here, I also just wish for non-existence. But anyway I wish you the best.