How have you all made a choice to get off the fence and keep living?

[onthefence]

What was the tipping point for you to decide to live and stop focusing on CTB?

 

[MidnightCat]

I've never reached that point.

But I'll keep living till I can't handle it anymore, as I understand if I died the pain won't go away, it'll just jump to other people around me.

 

[onthefence]

I've never reached that point.

But I'll keep living till I can't handle it anymore, as I understand if I died the pain won't go away, it'll just jump to other people around me.

I have heard that as well. I don't want to hurt anyone around me but am pretty close to my limit and really hope they would understand on some level that I just couldn't do it anymore and there wasn't anything they could do to prevent it.

 

[platypus77]

I have heard that as well. I don't want to hurt anyone around me but am pretty close to my limit and really hope they would understand on some level that I just couldn't do it anymore and there wasn't anything they could do to prevent it.

I made this choice, literally yesterday. And this was one of the reasons. I know the pain when a family member CTBs on their own.

I had literally everything in order to take the step, I was preparing myself for a month or so, posted my goodbye thread, personal affairs and stuff.

Suddenly, depression lifts and I was like WTF?
My mom called me today just to check what I was up to.
She does it from time to time, and for the first time in a very long time I wasn't annoyed by it.

 

[webb&flow]

I made this choice, literally yesterday. And this was one of the reasons. I know the pain when a family member CTBs on their own.

I had literally everything in order to take the step, I was preparing myself for a month or so, posted my goodbye thread, personal affairs and stuff.

Suddenly, depression lifts and I was like WTF?
My mom called me today just to check what I was up to.
She does it from time to time, and for the first time in a very long time I wasn't annoyed by it.

Lift all the way, my friend! Really glad to hear that you're able to continue your journey with life, that's absolutely stellar :) Especially with as fine a chap as you!—Godspeed.

 

[platypus77]

Lift all the way, my friend! Really glad to hear that you're able to continue your journey with life, that's absolutely stellar :) Especially with as fine a chap as you!—Godspeed.

Thanks friend! You had a big role in it too.
I'm feeling inclined to try a "Übermensch" style of living.

 

[webb&flow]

Thanks friend! You had a big role in it too.
I'm feeling inclined to try a "Übermensch" style of living.

Wow! Really?? No way! I am... admit'ly a tad honoured!

I wish you all the luck possible in that wonderful way!

I'd like to share this fine quote from Nietzche, in that case:

No, life has not disappointed me. On the contrary, I find it truer, more desirable and mysterious every year – ever since the day when the great liberator came to me: the idea that life could be an experiment of the seeker for knowledge and not a duty, not a calamity, not trickery. – And knowledge itself: let it be something else for others; for example, a bed to rest on, or the way to such a bed, or a diversion, or a form of leisure – for me it is a world of dangers and victories in which heroic feelings, too, find places to dance and play. "Life as a means to knowledge" – with this principle in one's heart one can live not only boldly but even gaily, and laugh gaily too. And who knows how to laugh anyway and live well if he does not first know a good deal about war and victory?

—Friedrich Nietzche, The Gay Science

Wishing you all the best! I must say; it is a great privilege for the world for one as you to be continuing. May this great occurrence keep occurring! Take care, friend. ^^

 

[J&L383]

I made this choice, literally yesterday. And this was one of the reasons. I know the pain when a family member CTBs on their own.

I had literally everything in order to take the step, I was preparing myself for a month or so, posted my goodbye thread, personal affairs and stuff.

Suddenly, depression lifts and I was like WTF?
My mom called me today just to check what I was up to.
She does it from time to time, and for the first time in a very long time I wasn't annoyed by it.

It's one thing if you live in a total vacuum, but who is like that? Barring that, there will always be people that are hurt. We can't live for others but it's hard to not live without some consideration for others.

 

[platypus77]

Wow! Really?? No way! I am... admit'ly a tad honoured!

I wish you all the luck possible in that wonderful way!

I'd like to share this fine quote from Nietzche, in that case:


Wishing you all the best! I must say; it is a great privilege for the world for one as you to be continuing. May this great occurrence keep occurring! Take care, friend. ^^

Yeah, our interactions despite briefly reminded me of long lost parts of myself I had forgotten. I'm really thankful for this.

If for any chance revisit my GTB thread, you can feel included in the group I've referenced as my "captors".

I think I'll have to start consuming more Nietzsche now.

 

[EternalShore]

frankly, I still would prefer death given how miserable my life is rn and increasingly becoming~ but as of rn, I'm stuck alive due to any failed attempts really screwing up my continued life and how my parents confiscated my SN, so even when I get it back, I'd make them super guilty and feeling like they killed me~ :( so I'd have to wait to live somewhere else first too~

 

[MidnightCat]

I have heard that as well. I don't want to hurt anyone around me but am pretty close to my limit and really hope they would understand on some level that I just couldn't do it anymore and there wasn't anything they could do to prevent it.

Sorry to hear that. I wish you can find peace soon, in a way or another...

Unfortunately... People around us won't understand that if we're gone and would live with... "What if..."

Not trying to guilt trip you or anyone, don't get me wrong.. it's just... It's just hard for us too.

 

[onthefence]

Sorry to hear that. I wish you can find peace soon, in a way or another...

Unfortunately... People around us won't understand that if we're gone and would live with... "What if..."

Not trying to guilt trip you or anyone, don't get me wrong.. it's just... It's just hard for us too.

I get it. It's so hard to not feel guilty when we will be leaving people behind. I have been living for others since I was 17 and don't know how to live for myself. I'm exhausted from caregiving so don't have the capacity or will to figure it out. I just want the black nothingness- it will be such a relief.
I'm really close to getting committed involuntarily and am feeling pretty trapped. My therapist asked if I would go to the hospital today for the 4th week in a row. I can tell their patience is wearing thin. But at least I think I still know where the "line" is. I'm never going to admit to having a plan and the means.
They also want me to pick a maladaptive coping behavior to work on- I feel like if I can't get myself together and cooperate they may insist that I go to the hospital.
I just want to go but can't because of the people I would leave behind.