Discussion How has your personal philosophy changed as you’ve become suicidal?

[deadwinter]

How has your perspective on the world (yourself, existence, humankind, etc.) changed as you've become suicidal?

As a child, I was completely trusting of everyone around me. I fully believed that life, the world, and humankind were inherently good and that everything would work out for me in the end. Of course, I knew that horrible, cruel people existed, but on the whole, I believed people had good intentions. Consequently, I felt a warmness and familiarity towards others and even empathized with strangers.

I'm certainly not proud of it, but I've definitely become more cynical and, honestly, misanthropic. I find myself with an intense disgust towards myself and humankind. I don't like it, but I can't help it. I know that our inner experience is totally subjective—maybe it's not logical to feel this way, but I still do. I've become more selfish and have almost no empathy for strangers. I feel an overall sense of nausea about the world and existence as a whole. I no longer believe life is precious and beautiful. I was never very religious, but I've pretty much completely lost faith. I don't go out much, which probably doesn't help the situation.

Has anyone else experienced this change? I know it's an awful mindset to be in, but I can't escape it. Anyway, thanks for reading.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I started quite young with suicidal thoughts- age 10, so I guess they maybe influenced my thinking from the start. I was thinking distrustfully and pessimistically from then onwards really. I guess underneath it all, I've still had a sense of wonder- since childhood really and I am still capable of connecting with people deeply. It's just that, so many times, friendships have fizzled that I guess- that trust isn't really there so much now. Overall, I think nature can be beautiful, humans can produce beautiful things but both also suck in many ways!

 

[Pessimist]

Yes. I developed misanthropic, cynical, anti-religious, anti-Islamic, and nihilistic views.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

I became a bit more patient, but also a bit more apathetic.

 

[MeaningDork]

While many of my philosophies can be seen as "negative" I've became more empathetic with people and more understanding.

 

[Heavenly Pup]

Can't recall the point when I suddenly became suicidal; I feel like I always felt this way to a certain degree.

 

[kane9191kosugi]

I completely abandoned any hope in interacting with real life society. I used to try so hard in "fitting" inside the community and making friends, but I got to the point where human interaction in real life became so trying that I started to avoid any chances of meeting with people.

And of course the internet and SNS helped me lose hope on humanity very quickly lol.

I was always super sensitive and negative during my childhood, but at least I had the spirit to cover it up to a certain degree. Now, my expectation for myself and other people are so low that I'm just fed up and tired to even ctb. That's how sick and tired I am in life lol.