How does sex affect your suicide?

[Mr2005]

Whatever it is it's not looking young that's stopping you. I remember being told more than a decade ago "if you feel like this now how will you feel when you're older " Shit, that's how I feel. When the grey hairs start appearing it doesn't do anything for your self esteem. Don't know what you've got until it's gone as they say

 

[Kyrok]

I see a LOT of guys here whose core issue seems to be that they're unattractive/still a virgin.

I'm in my 50s & have been with about a dozen women.

Let me suggest that the suffering you're going through is more about the social stigma of being a virgin in your 20s or 30s vs any transformative effect of sex. Of course, if your self-esteem has been damaged by being a virgin into your 20s or 30s, you'll feel better about yourself once you've had sex. But the suffering you've already gone through doesn't heal, doesn't go away.

You'll still have low self-esteem, fear you'll not find another woman, etc, etc.. It may seems as if sex will transform you, but it doesn't. You'll always be the guy who couldn't get laid until he was 25, 28, 32, etc..

In the past, brothels were part of every town. Now, we have hookers, escorts, etc. Just get it over with. You'll feel less screwed up and maybe will be in a better head space to find a girlfriend (just be sure to tell her you lost your virginity at 18, some party, brief school fling, whatever).

In the whole scheme of all that there is in life, sex just isn't something that makes life matter. Your pain over not having sex is doing far more damage than not having sex. Being not-alone IMO is what matters. Do what you need to do to get there.

 

[Carma]

I understand many of you want it, but if I may..
If you are to cbt, why have sex?
So;

• You had a life of suffering
• And want to escape this world/society/existence

And your plan is to have sex, so you leave good memories and desires towards this world? So that they can trick you more easily into reincarnating again?

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Tbh I am trying to get more into it again. I neglected it for quite some time because it felt stupid and pointless. But I am trying to make a turnaround in other areas of my life and I know I need to revisit things that make me feel good even if they seem a bit hollow with things like depression.

Don't worry about being a virgin. That pressure is all self-imposed and misplaced anyway. Having partners is not some barometer of desirability either, sex is pretty random at the best of times and has more to do with opportunity than anything else.

 

[Tomasnil]

I'm 21 and never had sex and i'm obsessed with this,. Usually i get frustrated when i think about sex but if it happens to be a continuous thing for days ( months sometimes ) the frustration builds up and make me fell worse than the normal days with the normal problems and pushes me towards my premature end.
What you think about it? What is your personal experience? Do you plan to have sex one last time before cbt?

I dont think of suicide during sex.. Thats about it

 

[Davy]

I have never had sex but I don't care about it since I have little sexual feelings. I am depressed so maybe that is why, apparently SSRI's can also make it worse.

 

[Broken]

knowing that somone I was intimate with and thought I was going to start a future with and then losing that connection through my own fault is just to much pain to bear. I don't deserve to be intimate again ever and a rebound would just make me feel crap with somone else at the mo.

 

[Empty Smile]

Until I made love I felt so asshole,

Please tell me this is a typo..... If not, what does this mean???

 

[Roberto]

Please tell me this is a typo..... If not, what does this mean???

It means that I wanted to be like my friends. They had sex, but I couldn't. It made me feel inferior. Woman didn't felt attracted by me.
Sorry if it did hurt you.
Now I still feel an asshole, but for other reasons. Because I can't maintain a job. I feel slow.
I felt I was different because I couldn't get what others do. But the thing is, that there are other problems below.
Sorry I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm sorry I will take that out, because may be it's wrong. I don't think clearly and english is not my native language.

 

[Broken]

I'm 21 and never had sex and i'm obsessed with this,. Usually i get frustrated when i think about sex but if it happens to be a continuous thing for days ( months sometimes ) the frustration builds up and make me fell worse than the normal days with the normal problems and pushes me towards my premature end.
What you think about it? What is your personal experience? Do you plan to have sex one last time before cbt?

Sex is good when feelings aren't involved. Sex becomes amazing when you connect with somone and loves involved

I'm 21 and never had sex and i'm obsessed with this,. Usually i get frustrated when i think about sex but if it happens to be a continuous thing for days ( months sometimes ) the frustration builds up and make me fell worse than the normal days with the normal problems and pushes me towards my premature end.
What you think about it? What is your personal experience? Do you plan to have sex one last time before cbt?

Sex means nothing to me after throwing away love. I'm not getting over it and moving on. I'm scared I'm going to live the rest of my life regretting it. realy feels like I lost the person that was meant to be

 

[Empty Smile]

It means that I wanted to be like my friends. They had sex, but I couldn't. It made me feel inferior. Woman didn't felt attracted by me.
Sorry if it did hurt you.
Now I still feel an asshole, but for other reasons. Because I can't maintain a job. I feel slow.
I felt I was different because I couldn't get what others do. But the thing is, that there are other problems below.
Sorry I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm sorry I will take that out, because may be it's wrong. I don't think clearly and english is not my native language.

Oh you were saying you feel like an asshole. I understand now. I wasn't hurt by the comment, I just thought you misspelled a word or worded it wrong.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Sex is good when feelings aren't involved. Sex becomes amazing when you connect with somone and loves involved

Sex means nothing to me after throwing away love. I'm not getting over it and moving on. I'm scared I'm going to live the rest of my life regretting it. realy feels like I lost the person that was meant to be

I relate to this so much it's painful. Throwing away love and not having my soul mate anymore is 1 of my many reasons why I want to ctb.

 

[Broken]

I relate to this so much it's painful. Throwing away love and not having my soul mate anymore is 1 of my many reasons why I want to ctb.

It's my main reason. Nothing has ever fazed me or messed me up until i realised I'd thrown away love and happiness. Can I ask. How long have you been without them?

 

[Worthless_nobody]

It's my main reason. Nothing has ever fazed me or messed me up until i realised I'd thrown away love and happiness. Can I ask. How long have you been without them?

5 years. 5 long miserable years where I have endured severe abuse by another "lover". I have tried so hard to move on but I just miss my soul mate so much. I'm sorry your going through this too. It's so painful and in my case I only have myself to blame. People tell me "just move on and forgot him you will find someone else" it's easier said than done.

 

[Broken]

So you've been with other people since but knowone compares? I'm only 8 months in. I'm not sure how much longer I can go like this. I just hate myself because I lost her by not living up to myvalues and nothing I can say or do will make it right/take away the pain.

 

[Zer0]

Sex is good when feelings aren't involved. Sex becomes amazing when you connect with somone and loves involved

Even if sex with someone i don't have that connection is hollow( maybe shallow, i sometimes mix the meaning of these words ) i just need it, even if is just a placebo i need it really bad.

Sex means nothing to me after throwing away love. I'm not getting over it and moving on. I'm scared I'm going to live the rest of my life regretting it. realy feels like I lost the person that was meant to be

Sorry to hear that, getting over it is not as easy as people say. If you want my opinion there is no such a thing as a "soulmate", but there are people that will make you feel so good you thought it was impossible. Is not easy to find these people but they exist, and if you are lucky and patient enough you can find one of them.

 

[Broken]

Even if sex with someone i don't have that connection is hollow( maybe shallow, i sometimes mix the meaning of these words ) i just need it, even if is just a placebo i need it really bad.

Sorry to hear that, getting over it is not as easy as people say. If you want my opinion there is no such a thing as a "soulmate", but there are people that will make you feel so good you thought it was impossible. Is not easy to find these people but they exist, and if you are lucky and patient enough you can find one of them.

Hah if you can get laid with out feelings go for it. Can't be hurt if you don't feel anything. Thanks. I did find one of them. I got very lucky but lost it.

 

[TAW122]

I see a LOT of guys here whose core issue seems to be that they're unattractive/still a virgin.

I'm in my 50s & have been with about a dozen women.

Let me suggest that the suffering you're going through is more about the social stigma of being a virgin in your 20s or 30s vs any transformative effect of sex. Of course, if your self-esteem has been damaged by being a virgin into your 20s or 30s, you'll feel better about yourself once you've had sex. But the suffering you've already gone through doesn't heal, doesn't go away.

You'll still have low self-esteem, fear you'll not find another woman, etc, etc.. It may seems as if sex will transform you, but it doesn't. You'll always be the guy who couldn't get laid until he was 25, 28, 32, etc..

In the past, brothels were part of every town. Now, we have hookers, escorts, etc. Just get it over with. You'll feel less screwed up and maybe will be in a better head space to find a girlfriend (just be sure to tell her you lost your virginity at 18, some party, brief school fling, whatever).

In the whole scheme of all that there is in life, sex just isn't something that makes life matter. Your pain over not having sex is doing far more damage than not having sex. Being not-alone IMO is what matters. Do what you need to do to get there.

Personally, I'm more of a solitary person, so I'd be fine being alone. However, what bothers me most of being a virgin, is the fact that I never have knowledge of what 'sex' feels like from a physical perspective. It's like someone who has never tried a particular food doesn't know what it tastes like, even if they had second-hand experiences through acquaintances, friends, and people other than the individual him/herself. As far as the self-esteem, I'd say, yes it does take a hit on me, not as hard as what others may think, but it still has a solid impact on me.

As far as getting it done through hookers, escorts, and what not, I've been looking into that the last month or so, and I want to be able to do it legally, yet affordable and safe. Life is already challenging enough and anything to make it more tolerable is always a plus in my book. I'm also in the US (East Coast) so the only place that buying sex is legal is the state of Nevada, in various counties, but it is very expensive (think over $1K or more on average).

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'll have to disagree on that one. Personally I feel like being told you look like a highschooler in your late 20s is just not a compliment. For someone in their 40s sure...but in your 20s when you want to be taken seriously and not treated like a "cute" kid it feels demeaning to look much younger than your age.

edit: my comment is not really referring too sex life but just how people who look way yonger are treated in general

So you are John Mulaney ???

 

[Memento Mori]

first time one month before my 21th birthday

I see a LOT of guys here whose core issue seems to be that they're unattractive/still a virgin.

I'm in my 50s & have been with about a dozen women.

Let me suggest that the suffering you're going through is more about the social stigma of being a virgin in your 20s or 30s vs any transformative effect of sex. Of course, if your self-esteem has been damaged by being a virgin into your 20s or 30s, you'll feel better about yourself once you've had sex. But the suffering you've already gone through doesn't heal, doesn't go away.

You'll still have low self-esteem, fear you'll not find another woman, etc, etc.. It may seems as if sex will transform you, but it doesn't. You'll always be the guy who couldn't get laid until he was 25, 28, 32, etc..

In the past, brothels were part of every town. Now, we have hookers, escorts, etc. Just get it over with. You'll feel less screwed up and maybe will be in a better head space to find a girlfriend (just be sure to tell her you lost your virginity at 18, some party, brief school fling, whatever).

In the whole scheme of all that there is in life, sex just isn't something that makes life matter. Your pain over not having sex is doing far more damage than not having sex. Being not-alone IMO is what matters. Do what you need to do to get there.

thats a point

but

(just be sure to tell her you lost your virginity at 18, some party, brief school fling, whatever).

makes me sad that i have to read this suggestion here more often, lying to each other just for not being alone makes the world a worse place imo, in the end ppl wonder why it is so hard to find the right partner

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

I haven't had sex in years now and it hurts to think about. Every time I see a beautiful girl I think a part of me dies a little more

 

[Kyrok]

makes me sad that i have to read this suggestion here more often, lying to each other just for not being alone makes the world a worse place imo, in the end ppl wonder why it is so hard to find the right partner

Lying to one's partner is far from ideal, but for those trying to get into a long term relationship with "baggage," there are scenarios where the viability of the relationship depends on it.

 

[OpheliasFlowers]

5 years. 5 long miserable years where I have endured severe abuse by another "lover". I have tried so hard to move on but I just miss my soul mate so much. I'm sorry your going through this too. It's so painful and in my case I only have myself to blame. People tell me "just move on and forgot him you will find someone else" it's easier said than done.

I understand this and relate on a few different levels.

First though, re: the OP's question about sex: I feel that sex (or lack of it) has definitely contributed to my depression and mental state regarding CTB. I won't bore everybody with the details, but essentially my situation is that I was diagnosed with a painful reproductive condition in my mid-20s (although I'd been having symptoms since my early teens, just wasn't officially diagnosed til later) that made the act of having sex VERY very painful. I was only with a couple guys before my diagnosis, so really compared to most woman my age at that time, I was rather inexperienced. And the sex I did ever have was miserable because of the pain and also the few guys I'd been with weren't men I was deeply in love with. Then, I had to have a hysterectomy at around 30 yrs of age and after that, I had basically no sex drive due to hormonal changes and also increased depression (already had MDD before my surgery). Last times I tried having sex were awful, and that was around 20 years ago so...a very long time to go without physical intimacy. So I very much wish I'd have experienced amazing sex with someone I loved and had a true, deep connection with - but I never have and I feel angry and sad sometimes that that was denied me in this crappy life.

Which brings me to your comment specifically -- I was with someone a very long time ago who was the only person I ever felt a deep connection with. We had so much in common and there was just this...chemistry with him that I've never found or felt with another person. But this person broke up with me and moved on with his life without a care, while I spent so so long mourning the loss of that relationship, and so hurt that I was nothing to him while he meant so much to me. And the thing is, he and I were young (late teens into early 20s was when we were together) but we never had actual intercourse yet the physical intimacy we did have was more exciting, more special and more meaningful to me than anyone I later had actual sexual intercourse with. I've often wished I could've known what it was like to have experienced that physical connection with him, someone who turned me on physically AND who I was so attracted to mentally.

So I know what it's like to not be able to move on from someone you considered a soulmate, and how no one else ever seems to compare. I'm so sorry you have experienced that as well. I don't know your age but I hope you will finally be able to reach a place of at least less pain in regards to your lost relationship; I am 51 and spent almost 30 years aching so badlyand mentally suffering due to the ending of mine and would never wish that on anybody.

Peace to you. (Also, apologies for how long this post got to be)

Edited to add: I meant to also say that if you ever need someone to talk to or vent to about what you're going through in regards to your lost soulmate, please reach out to me. When things were most painful for me, I found that almost everyone - even my family and so called 'friends' - didn't want to listen or help me while I struggled with my hurt and emotions. So I told myself I would always be there for anybody else in that position. And though I can't really do anything much to help, I can willingly and happily listen and just be there. I'm a good listener.

 

[21Neberg]

I see a lot of people here basing their self-worth on whether or not they're a virgin. Please don't do this - it's completely wrong. Just because you've had sex once does not mean you're suddenly a better person, or that your issues will fix themselves. I wanted to kill myself before I lost my virginity, and I do after I've lost it. Regardless of whether or not you've lost your virginity - you're all beautiful people with each different great qualities.

 

[Broken]

I'll have to disagree on that one. Personally I feel like being told you look like a highschooler in your late 20s is just not a compliment. For someone in their 40s sure...but in your 20s when you want to be taken seriously and not treated like a "cute" kid it feels demeaning to look much younger than your age.

edit: my comment is not really referring too sex life but just how people who look way yonger are treated in general

Yep had that my whole life. No exactly how you feel. Don't mind now because I don't get ID'd anymore but I used to hate that when I was younger and I'd be the only person that was. Also find how you dress and act, and who your with makes a big difference to your perceived age.

I understand this and relate on a few different levels.

First though, re: the OP's question about sex: I feel that sex (or lack of it) has definitely contributed to my depression and mental state regarding CTB. I won't bore everybody with the details, but essentially my situation is that I was diagnosed with a painful reproductive condition in my mid-20s (although I'd been having symptoms since my early teens, just wasn't officially diagnosed til later) that made the act of having sex VERY very painful. I was only with a couple guys before my diagnosis, so really compared to most woman my age at that time, I was rather inexperienced. And the sex I did ever have was miserable because of the pain and also the few guys I'd been with weren't men I was deeply in love with. Then, I had to have a hysterectomy at around 30 yrs of age and after that, I had basically no sex drive due to hormonal changes and also increased depression (already had MDD before my surgery). Last times I tried having sex were awful, and that was around 20 years ago so...a very long time to go without physical intimacy. So I very much wish I'd have experienced amazing sex with someone I loved and had a true, deep connection with - but I never have and I feel angry and sad sometimes that that was denied me in this crappy life.

Which brings me to your comment specifically -- I was with someone a very long time ago who was the only person I ever felt a deep connection with. We had so much in common and there was just this...chemistry with him that I've never found or felt with another person. But this person broke up with me and moved on with his life without a care, while I spent so so long mourning the loss of that relationship, and so hurt that I was nothing to him while he meant so much to me. And the thing is, he and I were young (late teens into early 20s was when we were together) but we never had actual intercourse yet the physical intimacy we did have was more exciting, more special and more meaningful to me than anyone I later had actual sexual intercourse with. I've often wished I could've known what it was like to have experienced that physical connection with him, someone who turned me on physically AND who I was so attracted to mentally.

So I know what it's like to not be able to move on from someone you considered a soulmate, and how no one else ever seems to compare. I'm so sorry you have experienced that as well. I don't know your age but I hope you will finally be able to reach a place of at least less pain in regards to your lost relationship; I am 51 and spent almost 30 years aching so badlyand mentally suffering due to the ending of mine and would never wish that on anybody.

Peace to you. (Also, apologies for how long this post got to be)

Edited to add: I meant to also say that if you ever need someone to talk to or vent to about what you're going through in regards to your lost soulmate, please reach out to me. When things were most painful for me, I found that almost everyone - even my family and so called 'friends' - didn't want to listen or help me while I struggled with my hurt and emotions. So I told myself I would always be there for anybody else in that position. And though I can't really do anything much to help, I can willingly and happily listen and just be there. I'm a good listener.

Fuck I hope I don't have to regret throwing away love for the next 30 years. I've done 8 months and it's absolute fucking torture.

Yep had that my whole life. No exactly how you feel. Don't mind now because I don't get ID'd anymore but I used to hate that when I was younger and I'd be the only person that was. Also find how you dress and act, and who your with makes a big difference to your perceived age.

Fuck I hope I don't have to regret throwing away love for the next 30 years. I've done 8 months and i

Lying to one's partner is far from ideal, but for those trying to get into a long term relationship with "baggage," there are scenarios where the viability of the relationship depends on it.

yep I've learnt the hard way lies and breaking trust destroys relationships! ive gone into every relationship I've ever had with baggage and not being the best person I could be and I swear that's why I always get dumped. Bit of a bummer because if I'd understood this before now I would have had alot less baggage to get rid of!

 

[Iceangel]

I like sex but its only truly fulfilling if its with someone you love. Im trying to have as much sex as i can before my meto and scale arrive (sn) because it helps a little mentally and feels nice. Why not live life like its your last yknow? (After all that timer starts after the first metos popped anyway so it may very well be my last encounter). I just wish it was with the person that i love but hey i wouldnt be here if he were still around so i guess everything works the way it would for a reason. (Im a nihilist and find no joy in life without love, so please dont take that as im ctb because my bf broke up with me...he was just the last thing tethering me to this life)

 

[Alchemist]

Sex feels good and it gives a rush of dopamine, but after a while the sensation fades and you start feeling the same way you felt before.

 

[Zer0]

Sex feels good and it gives a rush of dopamine, but after a while the sensation fades and you start feeling the same way you felt before.

Even if it is temporary that relief sounds great.

 

[TAW122]

Sex feels good and it gives a rush of dopamine, but after a while the sensation fades and you start feeling the same way you felt before.

I know that's what others and most people say, but since I'm a virgin, I could never know as I never had first hand experience of what 'sex' physically feels like so I would never know for myself. I'm not really obsessed over the fact that I want sex moreso than the fact I never know what it feels like. While it is true that I would most likely feel empty afterwards or the same way before and after, it would at least satiate my curiosity. I'm the type of person that gets restless whenever I am not able to comprehend or experience the unknown, I suppose you could call me an intellectual or something, I don't know.

 

[Bärchen]

Only had sex with prostitutes and last time was 2012. Its ok but my sex drive is pretty much gone.
Obviously i never had a girlfriend and i dont i think i will have one.