Discussion How does life evolve after losing someone like this?

[Sad Avocado]

So, I'm currently planning my ctb, and I think I will go with the SN method because I want it to be painless and I'm young so I don't have "unlimited" budget and access to other chemical stuff. The truth is that I have already found everything that I need. I have some drugs at home that counter the possibility of throwing up and I've found just recently a lab website that sells sodium nitrite without asking for documents besides an ID.

The fact is that, yesterday evening I was planning on buying it and as I got to the payment section, I've started to feel nervous about this. My first thought was: -what if the police or someone tracks me?- then I realised that in my country SN is perfectly legal to possess and that the website was legal too. So the first one was a completely irrational fear as I could simply say that someone cloned my card if something goes wrong. But as I started to think I didn't have the courage to press the -purchase- button because I thought about my friends, my family, and the person that I am in love with (I talked about her in my full story) .

I already know the pain that I will bring to them and I have already accepted that because some days ago I made goodbye videos and stuff. But the thing that haunts me is that, Will their life get better someday? I mean I didn't have the courage to buy SN because I don't want to ruin anyone's life. My friends love me as my family and they both tried their best (in their possibilities) to help me. But one of my greatest concerns is that girl, I really don't want her to feel guilty for this, as this wasn't caused only by this relationship and besides that, I can't decide who she sould love.

So my questions to whoever reads this is, how do people (close friends and partners) react at first after someone commits ctb? And will time help them forget or they will always live in regret?

If you are someone that experienced the loss of a loved one in this way directly, did it get better after some time? Were you able to forget?

 

[Elysion]

Yes, I know people who, after their loved ones committed suicide, came to the conclusion that it was a choice and came to terms with it.
I also know people who did not understand the reason for their loved one's suicide and are still trying to get evidence and documents to understand it.
At this stage, you should see who you can trust among your loved ones, then share your intention with them, if they know that they will resist at first but then accept your choice, then it will be easier for you to make a decision. can be
If I have more information about you and your relationship with your parents and girlfriends, I might be able to give a better opinion.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way that I see it, whatever happens in this world after we are gone could never be our concern, I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here, everyone is destined to die anyway and be forgotten about, existence is impermanent and loss is inevitable.

 

[Sad Avocado]

Yes, I know people who, after their loved ones committed suicide, came to the conclusion that it was a choice and came to terms with it.
I also know people who did not understand the reason for their loved one's suicide and are still trying to get evidence and documents to understand it.
At this stage, you should see who you can trust among your loved ones, then share your intention with them, if they know that they will resist at first but then accept your choice, then it will be easier for you to make a decision. can be
If I have more information about you and your relationship with your parents and girlfriends, I might be able to give a better opinion.

About the relationship that I have with my parents friends and ex girl, they care about me so much that I would probably end in a clinic, (and this is the last thing I want). I made some goodbye notes and said that they are not at fault trying to make things better but I don't know how much it will work.

 

[Elysion]

About the relationship that I have with my parents friends and ex girl, they care about me so much that I would probably end in a clinic, (and this is the last thing I want). I made some goodbye notes and said that they are not at fault trying to make things better but I don't know how much it will work.

Your letter is very important.
It helps them to know that they did not fail you.
They understand that they did not cause your death. They won't feel guilty when they know it's your choice.
All people feel very sad and cry when they lose their loved ones. But the cause of their death is effective in bringing peace to their families.

 

[NoLightRemains]

So, I'm currently planning my ctb, and I think I will go with the SN method because I want it to be painless and I'm young so I don't have "unlimited" budget and access to other chemical stuff. The truth is that I have already found everything that I need. I have some drugs at home that counter the possibility of throwing up and I've found just recently a lab website that sells sodium nitrite without asking for documents besides an ID.

The fact is that, yesterday evening I was planning on buying it and as I got to the payment section, I've started to feel nervous about this. My first thought was: -what if the police or someone tracks me?- then I realised that in my country SN is perfectly legal to possess and that the website was legal too. So the first one was a completely irrational fear as I could simply say that someone cloned my card if something goes wrong. But as I started to think I didn't have the courage to press the -purchase- button because I thought about my friends, my family, and the person that I am in love with (I talked about her in my full story) .

I already know the pain that I will bring to them and I have already accepted that because some days ago I made goodbye videos and stuff. But the thing that haunts me is that, Will their life get better someday? I mean I didn't have the courage to buy SN because I don't want to ruin anyone's life. My friends love me as my family and they both tried their best (in their possibilities) to help me. But one of my greatest concerns is that girl, I really don't want her to feel guilty for this, as this wasn't caused only by this relationship and besides that, I can't decide who she sould love.

So my questions to whoever reads this is, how do people (close friends and partners) react at first after someone commits ctb? And will time help them forget or they will always live in regret?

If you are someone that experienced the loss of a loved one in this way directly, did it get better after some time? Were you able to forget?

Depends on the relationship and the individual. I have had 3 people I was at least friends with irl commit CTB, and it has definitely changed me as a person. It reawakened the side of me that wanted to die as young as ten years old after years of remission. Been almost 3 years since my first loss, I really hope I don't make it to the 3 year anniversary of her death. So I guess I never got over it, but more well adjusted people might.

 

[Sad Avocado]

Depends on the relationship and the individual. I have had 3 people I was at least friends with irl commit CTB, and it has definitely changed me as a person. It reawakened the side of me that wanted to die as young as ten years old after years of remission. Been almost 3 years since my first loss, I really hope I don't make it to the 3 year anniversary of her death. So I guess I never got over it, but more well adjusted people might.

I hope it'll be like that, I don't want to mess up their lives irreversibly

 

[The anhedonic one]

I would leave a message telling them that they need to let you go.
They must understand that all of your suffering far outweighs any need to live, and that by the understanding this they shall be doing you a great kindness.
Your suicide was simply an act of great mercy upon yourself .

 

[deomlez]

I have seen a woman who has accidentally killed her child and found peace after that... so yes it s possible.

 

[Sad Avocado]

I would leave a message telling them that they need to let you go.
They must understand that all of your suffering far outweighs any need to live, and that by the understanding this they shall be doing you a great kindness.
Your suicide was simply an act of great mercy upon yourself .

I hope they'll understand that

 

[deomlez]

The question is : are your suffering less important than their capacity to deal with your death ? Aren't we in majority people who don't fit this world, or having always given priority to the others ?

 

[Sad Avocado]

The question is : are your suffering less important than their capacity to deal with your death ? Aren't we in majority people who don't fit this world, or having always given priority to the others ?

I understand what you mean, but given the fact that I presonally know how it feels to lose someone you love (and I didn't lose that person in this way), I would like to give them less pain possible

 

[Yuta32]

Think it through, if you truly care about your family and others, reconsider the cbt again, the truth is I think we're going through something similar, losing someone you love leaves a mark, and even though it's not the main reason for cbt, you realize everything you've been carrying behind and their departure only intensifies it. She was that light that pulled you out of it, but she's not here anymore, and won't be. I haven't read your story, but I would like to, but I understand that feeling. But if you decide to go through with it, keep your own feelings in mind, it will hurt them, brother, just explain yourself as best as you can in your letter.

 

[Sad Avocado]

Think it through, if you truly care about your family and others, reconsider the cbt again, the truth is I think we're going through something similar, losing someone you love leaves a mark, and even though it's not the main reason for cbt, you realize everything you've been carrying behind and their departure only intensifies it. She was that light that pulled you out of it, but she's not here anymore, and won't be. I haven't read your story, but I would like to, but I understand that feeling. But if you decide to go through with it, keep your own feelings in mind, it will hurt them, brother, just explain yourself as best as you can in your letter.

It has been months that I reconsider this but I really don't see a way out of it. Since you said that you'd like to read my story you can find it here if you want. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-did-you-make-consider-ctb.120876/#post-2025505