Discussion How do you want to go out?

[oddetoad]

Ikr, it completely changes your perception of reality, I still remember when my mind broke, it was last year, before breaking I was feeling really guilty and angry, whatever I said inside my mind later came back to me as images, my brain has disassociated up to a point I can no longer think in a right way, and these images evolved into a movie that won't stop until I'm dead, this wasn't the main reason I wanted to die, but OCD alone would've been enough reason for me to kms If I had developed it earlier, fuck anything else I've got, Asperger, learning disorders, etc. If people just knew…

are your hands destroyed from ocd as well?
I can literally see the skeleton through both my hands

 

[new2blue]

Ikr, it completely changes your perception of reality, I still remember when my mind broke, it was last year, before breaking I was feeling really guilty and angry, whatever I said inside my mind later came back to me as images, my brain has disassociated up to a point I can no longer think in a right way, and these images evolved into a movie that won't stop until I'm dead, this wasn't the main reason I wanted to die, but OCD alone would've been enough reason for me to kms If I had developed it earlier, fuck anything else I've got, Asperger, learning disorders, etc. If people just knew…

My mental health is the sole reason I want to die. I love everything else in my life. Had I not such a good life (external things that is), I would already be dead. I have had OCD since being a child. I am probably an anomaly here. I am not depressed, not in the typical way. I do not wish to die because of sadness or life circumstances, but because I can no longer function normally because of my messed up brain.

I am sorry you are in a similar position. From the outside, everything seems fine, but inside, we are being tortured 24/7. I can't even sleep properly anymore, so there's no real experience of peace left.

Take comfort knowing the "movie" will end, whether by our hand, or fates, or old age. It will not last forever, even though it feels like it most of the time.

are your hands destroyed from ocd as well?
I can literally see the skeleton through both my hands

I have never had OCD that resulted in those compulsions. I know someone personally who did, and they looked like emperor palpatine. XD

 

[Finalnight]

are your hands destroyed from ocd as well?
I can literally see the skeleton through both my hands

How long have you done this? Is it advisable? I prefer to hit my head instead but I punch walls from time to time

 

[oddetoad]

How long have you done this? Is it advisable? I prefer to hit my head instead but I punch walls from time to time

Im not doing ocd as some kind of ctb method lol.
It's involuntary washing my hands too much that led to my skinlayers are basically nonexistant right now on both my hands. Nothing thats gonna kill me though (unfortunatley)

 

[Finalnight]

My mental health is the sole reason I want to die. I love everything else in my life. Had I not such a good life (external things that is), I would already be dead. I have had OCD since being a child. I am probably an anomaly here. I am not depressed, not in the typical way. I do not wish to die because of sadness or life circumstances, but because I can no longer function normally because of my messed up brain.

I am sorry you are in a similar position. From the outside, everything seems fine, but inside, we are being tortured 24/7. I can't even sleep properly anymore, so there's no real experience of peace left.

Take comfort knowing the "movie" will end, whether by our hand, or fates, or old age. It will not last forever, even though it feels like it most of the time.

I have never had OCD that resulted in those compulsions. I know someone personally who did, and they looked like emperor palpatine. XD

Nooo, not from an old age please!!!! Yes it's complete torture no matter the theme(s) Some mental health issues really are a death sentence, and you're not an anomaly, I think there's a genetic predisposition for someone to develop OCD, I believe sometimes mine has always been there, it just waited for the fucking right moment :)

Im not doing ocd as some kind of ctb method lol.
It's involuntary washing my hands too much that led to my skinlayers are basically nonexistant right now on both my hands. Nothing thats gonna kill me though (unfortunatley)

I'm really sorry for your contamination OCD, fuck this disease…

 

[new2blue]

Nooo, not from old age please!!!! Yes it's complete torture no matter the theme(s) Mental health issues really are a death sentence, and you're not an anomaly, I think there's a genetic predisposition for someone to develop OCD, I believe sometimes mine has always been there, it just waited for the fucking right moment :)

Yeah I agree. I openly tell people in my life the reason I smoke cigarettes is to invest in my early retirement. Old age won't be my end, I have known that all my life. Yes, those darn genetics! My whole family is cursed with anxiety, depression, other various mental issues. My dad is fine though, which is surprising considering he has seen multiple people die (Sounds sus I know but he worked in a risky profession and also found someone minutes after they shot themselves dead).

In psychology we explain the delayed onset of genetic psychiatric disorders using the diathesis stress model. It's quite interesting actually.

 

[Finalnight]

Yeah I agree. I openly tell people in my life the reason I smoke cigarettes is to invest in my early retirement. Old age won't be my end, I have known that all my life. Yes, those darn genetics! My whole family is cursed with anxiety, depression, other various mental issues. My dad is fine though, which is surprising considering he has seen multiple people die (Sounds sus I know but he worked in a risky profession and also found someone minutes after they shot themselves dead).

In psychology we explain the delayed onset of genetic psychiatric disorders using the diathesis stress model. It's quite interesting actually.

So is mine, I got all those!! I can't imagine how many more mental disorders I'd discover in me if I decide not to kill myself, I've been diagnosed with many more I haven't said but it's also hard to remember for them being too many, lol. But anyways, soon it's going to be over. Never heard about that stuff, do you study psychology? I'll look into that!

 

[new2blue]

So is mine, I got all those!! I can't imagine how many more mental disorders I'd discover in me if I decide not to kill myself, I've been diagnosed with many more I haven't said but it's also hard to remember for them being too many, lol. But anyways, soon it's going to be over. Never heard about that stuff, do you study psychology? I'll look into that!

Yeah man. I probably have Autism, ADHD, and whatever else. But so long as I don't get screened, I just consider myself OCD'ed with a sprinkle of fucking crippling insanity xD I did study psychology but ended up eventually dropping out due to life stuff. It's funny, I know so much about why I am suffering, down to the neuronal level, but am powerless to stop it. There are radical treatments that might help, but expenses, doctors not willing without a psychiatrist and psychologist signing off, the whole hassle of it, pretty much prevents it from being a reality for me.

There's ECT, DBS, Experimental drug treatments, psycho surgery. Many options, all out of reach cause of the reasons above, plus doctors assume therapy will fix everything. As a part psychologist, I can tell you with certainty that some conditions are too extreme to rely on therapy.

What I need is a bucket load of GABA. Shut down my prefrontal cortex by 75%, I'll be dull as a rock but at least I'll be happy staring at the wall drooling. I blame overexcited neurons for my downfall. Stop firing neurons! Damn you! XD

 

[Nymph]

Omg Niko!!

 

[new2blue]

Omg Niko!!

Yesss Niko is awesome. I relate to the dilemma Niko faces. Do I hold up the sun, staying alive for others to be happy, or break it, ruining the lives of those around me, but finding peace myself. I am still holding the sun, but it's a heavy burden. :)