Venting How do you stop your thoughts from going into 'those' places?

[kichikai]

I have a pretty bad negative thought process that often leads me to doubt everything and everyone around me. Even if it is not true.

The core of it is the feeling of being embarrassed, the forever being a loner and loser, inevitably ending up in painful and sad situations in life

all out of anticipations

Which all leads to the conclusions of "Lets relapse on drugs and blow my brains smooth off"

Its not like that I want to feel this way, but its almost automatic. And it extends to thinking people around me are out to get me or hate me

how I am denied of everything and I am not worthy of what I want such as love or my personal needs.

Even simple coincidences that can be brushed off as 'playful tease' it triggers some paranoid schizophrenic psychotic meth head in me thinking that I am actively getting cucked.

The real problem is that I do not want to tell this to anyone and it seems to grow day by day.

Like who cares if I am a loser, who cares if people think of me as a loser and they want to keep me as a loser and I am denied from ascension in life.

Like who fucking cares if I don't end up ever dating someone out of my league seriously like no one cares if my needs are not met. vise versa.

seriously who cares I am one of the luckiest ones to be alive today and I love my parents dearly.

Like who fucking cares if I die besides my parents.

I want these things that normal people get in life such as dating and making out and all that but that's like one in a million chance and I am forced to smile like a dumb fuck because there is a chance

Therapist the other day gave me a stack of value cards to sort them out and told me to stick with living with those values

it included things like romance, monogamy, justice, etc all these normal people bs

And it hit me, even if I care for these values, I just know deep down inside of me that I will never get it.

Just because I yearn for it doesn't mean I can care as it makes me sad of the fact that I know that I can't achieve it?

I look like a down syndrome child when I say these things out loud irl

and my expectations are way to high

my brain is perma fucked and there seems to be no way of talking myself out of these brain damaging abuse that I do to myself.

Ugh I hate myself I wish I never fall for these self pity bullshit and man the fuck up then I would actually be able to get bitches fuck my fucking dumb cuck fucking life kmskmskmskms

 

[timf]

We live at a time when society has isolated its members much more than in any time in history, Village life had parents watch their children grow and nudge them to match up throughout their childhood. Today children are left on their own to stumble across someone else. It is a wonder that the divorce rate is only 50%.

An additional effect of social isolation is an excessive amount of self focus. When this happens we can torture ourselves with excessive self-criticism. To try to break out of what can seem to be a prison, one can experiment with activities that direct one's attention outward such as art, music, writing, or researching topics of interest. One can even dabble with group activities such as politics, book clubs, volunteer work, a small church, or even an additional part time job.

It can also be useful to edit the image of the world one picks up from TV and movies. These often paint a picture of ceaseless casual fornication that draws the attention of viewers but would be destructive in reality. One should not feel too bad about themselves for failing to realize an imaginary world. Many people in their 20s make poor relationship choices because they base them on superficial images purveyed by media.

Cultivating an attractive character of kindness, humor, compassion, consideration of others becomes increasingly attractive to those who begin to shed themselves of juvenile ideas of mate worthiness.

 

[looking4partner]

We live at a time when society has isolated its members much more than in any time in history, Village life had parents watch their children grow and nudge them to match up throughout their childhood. Today children are left on their own to stumble across someone else. It is a wonder that the divorce rate is only 50%.

An additional effect of social isolation is an excessive amount of self focus. When this happens we can torture ourselves with excessive self-criticism. To try to break out of what can seem to be a prison, one can experiment with activities that direct one's attention outward such as art, music, writing, or researching topics of interest. One can even dabble with group activities such as politics, book clubs, volunteer work, a small church, or even an additional part time job.

It can also be useful to edit the image of the world one picks up from TV and movies. These often paint a picture of ceaseless casual fornication that draws the attention of viewers but would be destructive in reality. One should not feel too bad about themselves for failing to realize an imaginary world. Many people in their 20s make poor relationship choices because they base them on superficial images purveyed by media.

Cultivating an attractive character of kindness, humor, compassion, consideration of others becomes increasingly attractive to those who begin to shed themselves of juvenile ideas of mate worthiness.

I wish that society did not encourage and teach isolation so much.

I'm pretty sure I read that a lot of other cultures have lower rates of either mental health problems or CTB rates. Which I know is partly because of increased bias and stigma toward mental illnesses and that isn't good for people trying to get help, but I think it's also because they have at least some aspects of a support system set up to help them instead of being expected to figure out every single problem by themselves alone and can go back during times when things get difficult or if they are a late bloomer who takes longer to reach certain milestones like being able to live on their own and be independent instead of being abandoned and having to figure everything out on their own or else because they have no other options.

Oh, sorry I just saw this was the recovery section. Well, I received advice to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend instead of with immediate self-hatred and that helped when I remembered to do it and I was able to do it when my brain was not in its usual daily chronic desperation spirals.

I have also heard to think of things you are grateful/thankful for no matter how small and I guess that can help to start to create tiny moments of positivity even while the negative thoughts are happening.

There is also something called cognitive behavioral therapy which helps you to reframe your automatic negative thoughts, but a lot of therapists have been said to teach it in an invalidating way. But when I first started learning it, it was actually much more effective than I expected. And then my therapist wouldn't keep helping me practice it because according to them, they didn't think it was helpful even though I was asking them multiple times since it was one of the only things we tried that I felt like was helpful for some of my thoughts. Except when they were happening to fast because of racing thoughts. The best way to do it in my opinion is where you write down some of the thoughts that match the categories it lists and then the therapist helps you to rewrite them using the CBT formula. (Because some therapists will say they are CBT, but they don't actually implement the rephrasing of the thoughts and just teach breathing exercises or tell you to meditate -which can sometimes be helpful, but it isn't CBT, so I don't know why they act like it is)

I don't know if you always can stop your thoughts from going into certain places but mindfulness meditation is supposed to help with becoming more accepting of experiencing them without reacting with more judgment and letting them 'pass through' and exposure therapy is supposed to help by slowly & gradually exposing to some of the discomfort they cause in a way that helps the anxiety in the end and I think helps people feel more capable of managing it. (I feel that it may have worked for me if I had been able to keep doing it during a break from life and didn't have past trauma and if my life had just stayed normal for a few years instead of all the illnesses and disorders that started happening to me or getting worse before I had been able to figure out what to do about them)

Not telling anyone can be part of what makes it worse if you have the option of telling someone who will support you instead of invalidating your emotions right away & making you feel worse. (Even if someone's thoughts are 'irrational' or I guess I should say cognitive distortions (I learned that from CBT), I think they need to feel like they are being heard first when they express them before they can work on changing those thoughts. People who are able to do this can be hard to find)