Help how do you recover when you don't believe you deserve to?

[iwantdeath6969]

i hate myself so much, and don't believe i deserve any good in life. this has brought me to hurting myself in any way i possibly can at every opportunity i can get. i feel completely addicted to self harm, and this on top of my worsening bpd is making me suffer so much. i'm at the point where i can't keep going on like this, and i either want to recover or ctb, because my lifestyle is completely unsustainable.

it doesn't really feel like i have an option to choose life though, because i don't believe that i deserve to. in order to stop treating myself so badly, i have to be able to feel like i deserve to stop, which i don't and can't bring myself to believe. i don't know what to do, i'm pretty hopeless and don't really know if anything would help me anyways. is there a way to feel better despite these feelings? is there a way to feel differently?

i think i will most likely end up ctb. but i guess this is my last ditch effort to see if there even is another option

 

[SilentSadness]

I don't think you deserve any of the things happening to you, and it's not your fault. You certainly don't deserve to be harmed, especially by yourself. You do have the option to choose life if you so please, despite how unfair this world can be sometimes.