How do you make friends online these days?

[DeletedAccount0864]

When I was younger, it was so easy to make new contacts and friends. Nowadays, it feels impossible. I don't know what it is. There are no IM programs anymore (at least none that people actually use that aren't tied to a phone number), and Discord is a gaming program for kids that accordingly requires your phone number so everything can be tied to your real identity. Despite that, I reach out and try to be nice and get to know people in various places. I'm sure I don't seem desperate or anything. I'm very self-aware when it comes to this. I try to connect, and I get nothing. I try to listen and make sure I remember people's interests and details about their lives and do my best to understand them. But people just don't seem to want to continue talking. Everything just falls through. I'm not looking for anything in particular, nothing crazy, just a friend. Why is this so difficult? :(

 

[carac]

I use discord, I wouldn't say it's for kids, I've been using it to reconnect with some old gaming buddies and we are all in our 40s. I'm not even sure how the phone number thing works on there, I think you can avoid it. I've also met a lot of SaSu friends on discord.

 

[Sleepycat]

I don't. Even those people don't want to be friends. Hell my friends don't want to be my friends. They just feel stuck with me after so long.

 

[FujoshiNeet]

Socializing, even online is so hard. I'mma be honest af, I know I come across as desperate, cuz I am. I lean on the fact that I'm attractive and get people to at least engage with me. I wouldn't say we become friends, but they at least talk to me for a few days.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

About the same for me. It's more of a struggle to connect with people nowadays. Ironic, isnt it? the very tools develop to bring people together often have the opposite effect.

I think it has something to do with a lot more other things being more readily accessible. Like, let's say you reached out to someone, and you're a total stranger, right? so instead of the person having to deal with the unknowns of friendship, etc, they just choose to focus on their social media feeds.

Age, i think has something to do with it too.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I use discord, I wouldn't say it's for kids, I've been using it to reconnect with some old gaming buddies and we are all in our 40s. I'm not even sure how the phone number thing works on there, I think you can avoid it. I've also met a lot of SaSu friends on discord.

I'm glad to hear you've had this positive experience.

I don't. Even those people don't want to be friends. Hell my friends don't want to be my friends. They just feel stuck with me after so long.

Sorry to hear that. Why do you think that this is in your particular situation?

Socializing, even online is so hard. I'mma be honest af, I know I come across as desperate, cuz I am. I lean on the fact that I'm attractive and get people to at least engage with me. I wouldn't say we become friends, but they at least talk to me for a few days.

I'm not a bad-looking guy myself, really. It's just due to the way my life turned out, I just find myself with nobody. I'm totally to blame. I accept this, but I'm not a bad guy. I've just made some shitty decisions that have resulted in my current state. I don't even have family to turn to (fucked up, shitty parents, etc.). I guess I am a bit desperate myself, but I'm hyper-aware of ever appearing that way to others, because it's not something that's very appealing to people.

About the same for me. It's more of a struggle to connect with people nowadays. Ironic, isnt it? the very tools develop to bring people together often have the opposite effect.

I think it has something to do with a lot more other things being more readily accessible. Like, let's say you reached out to someone, and you're a total stranger, right? so instead of the person having to deal with the unknowns of friendship, etc, they just choose to focus on their social media feeds.

Age, i think has something to do with it too.

I'm convinced that things are intentional. For example, it used to be so easy to just meet people and add them to MSN/AIM/ICQ/etc. Sometimes you'd stop speaking, and that was okay, because with others, you'd continue talking, and even develop strong friendships. You're right about age, though. A lot of others over 30 have started families and aren't interested in spending time online to make friends and all that anymore. I have no desire to talk to minors, and that's one of the numerous reasons Discord is out of the question for me.

 

[pilotviolin]

hey i've also noticed its harder to find friends/community over the years, especially after the pandemic. im young but i remember it just being easier to find people before 2020 and feel connected. while i also vouch for discord (there is disboard for searching servers too) i understand if giving out your number is a concern and the amount of kids who use the service. i haven't used IRC too much, but there are quite a few channels still going and people are friendly there from what ive seen (could vary wildly but i found a chatroom for people in my country and was pleasantly surprised). tbh i'm not sure what else to say, forums in general might be a little better than usual social media too. reddit is kind of bad for making friends but i did make one friend on there (but also its reddit, i cant use it for more than a couple months at a time before i go insane lol so i get if thats also not your thing).

 

[migimortis]

>pretend to be a girl
>say you are lonely
>???
PROFIT

I'm joking (kind of). In all seriousness, I don't know either. I talk to people online but it seems like that's all it ever remains as - short conversations online. Discord would be perfect if not for all the children on the site. I don't like being in servers with kids.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I'm joking (kind of). In all seriousness, I don't know either. I talk to people online but it seems like that's all it ever remains as - short conversations online. Discord would be perfect if not for all the children on the site. I don't like being in servers with kids.

Most "servers" are filled with them because Discord is primarily an app for minors, despite what people may tell themselves. It's just not a place for meeting other adults. Some "servers" will say that people have to be 18+, but these are usually porno-related. I haven't used it in years, though.

>pretend to be a girl
>say you are lonely
>???
PROFIT

You're not wrong. The difficulty for women is just filtering the scum, not actually getting attention. But I'm not even looking for that. I just want to make friends. That's it. Such a basic human need and it's so difficult.

hey i've also noticed its harder to find friends/community over the years, especially after the pandemic. im young but i remember it just being easier to find people before 2020 and feel connected. while i also vouch for discord (there is disboard for searching servers too) i understand if giving out your number is a concern and the amount of kids who use the service. i haven't used IRC too much, but there are quite a few channels still going and people are friendly there from what ive seen (could vary wildly but i found a chatroom for people in my country and was pleasantly surprised). tbh i'm not sure what else to say, forums in general might be a little better than usual social media too. reddit is kind of bad for making friends but i did make one friend on there (but also its reddit, i cant use it for more than a couple months at a time before i go insane lol so i get if thats also not your thing).

IRC isn't dead, but it might as well be. The only people who use it now are a certain kind of individual which I don't relate to whatsoever. Forums are much better than any other thing, but these days, they're on their last legs because most of the people who once used them have moved on, and the slow pace is too boring for young people with the attention-span of a goldfish. Reddit is a political website in which you are forbidden from getting out of line on any part of the site. Thoughts which stray from what they consider "correct" are banished.

 

[mortuarymary]

I'm always looking for likeminded friends. Sadly most don't exist in the real world.

 

[DeletedAccount0864]

I'm always looking for likeminded friends. Sadly most don't exist in the real world.

When you say "likeminded" would you like to share what you have in mind? You can be vague if you wish as not to reveal too much. I can assure you that they do indeed exist, but the way things are designed, it makes it very difficult to find them. We're atomized intentionally.

 

[BlackMoon]

I don't. I can't. I'll never have one, online or offline. If only I had a true friend, I would probably not CtB.

 

[Someonewhotypes]

at this point, for online friends I think just messaging chatgpt will give more interesting conversations than most real people.
Not to mention it won't ghost you. No drama.
if you're not into the most popular social media like reddit, discord, fb, then probably meeting people in multiplayer games would be an option, if you do game. Or, since you're here already, maybe you can find friends on this forum.

 

[Moonomyth]

I send relevant memes back and forth to people in my shared interest groups and eventually that becomes a conversation. I'd say there are multiple people I know at least reasonably well with whom my initial interactions were just back and forths of gifs and reactions.

Shitposting is the new small talk.

 

[Fulminare]

I don't! Learnt my lesson and now I'm staying faaar away from it.

 

[Stripe19]

TBH it's alot of chance and overcoming worries and anxieties. You will definitely pull atleast 2 awful people, but you'll eventually have someone a little better off. Discord's what i use but i also got a phone left over so idk. Generally not easy to get past that initial hurdle especially knowin theres a good chance you're going to suffer if it's shit luck but if you can take that risk it's smooth sailing