l1f31spa1n
̶𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔥 𝔐𝔢𝔪𝔟𝔢𝔯
- Jul 18, 2024
- 37
I'm so damn tired of being insecure. My first girlfriend, when I was 16, cheated on me in the worst way possible. Since then, in every relationship, that shit keeps haunting me. No matter what I do, that insecurity sticks to me like glue.
It's crazy how something inside me can flip without any shouting or drama. I just freeze. My chest tightens. My mind shuts every door one by one, like it thinks running away is the safest option. No anger, no yelling, just this silent panic that makes me step back from the person I care about the most. It feels like my own body is terrified of being hurt again… so it pulls the plug before love has the chance to do damage.
I think I'm not a bad person, so why do I always feel like running? Why do I always end up acting like someone who's broken, someone who would rather be alone than risk suffering again?
I've been tired of life for years. Tired of fighting with myself, tired of carrying this shit around. Even love, the one thing that's supposed to be beautiful, becomes stressful, heavy, a mental torture. I just want this to stop. I just want to live without that fucking insecurity ruining everything.
It's crazy how something inside me can flip without any shouting or drama. I just freeze. My chest tightens. My mind shuts every door one by one, like it thinks running away is the safest option. No anger, no yelling, just this silent panic that makes me step back from the person I care about the most. It feels like my own body is terrified of being hurt again… so it pulls the plug before love has the chance to do damage.
I think I'm not a bad person, so why do I always feel like running? Why do I always end up acting like someone who's broken, someone who would rather be alone than risk suffering again?
I've been tired of life for years. Tired of fighting with myself, tired of carrying this shit around. Even love, the one thing that's supposed to be beautiful, becomes stressful, heavy, a mental torture. I just want this to stop. I just want to live without that fucking insecurity ruining everything.
