How do you leave the love of your life?

[Lara Francis]

Lena, I am sorry to hear your pain and suffering..
I know you said your partner was good to you but does he know how badly you feel.
It sounds like you love him very much but just want an end to your pain.
Are you on the correct Meds to help with the physical pain and can he help you heal emotionally.
I know I do not know your full story but what I do know is ,the heart ache and despair felt by the partner when the other one dies.
I lost my husband of 25 years,my true soul mate and best friend.he died unexpectedly and this drove me to the very edge of life.
Some say that I was lucky to have loved someone so much that saying goodbye to was so hard.
Please give him the opportunity to help , you may be surprised.i really feel for you as the only thing that stopped me ctb in the last moments of my attempts was my son.
I would give anything to have my hubby back if only for a day.family and love is priceless.
I really hope you can work through things even if it's just little things at a time.
I know that you feel overwhelmed at the moment hence why you are here but please take time to think.
Hugs xx I wish you well.feel free to vent on here as we are sometimes able to pull each other through a crisis point.

 

[Ashpac]

One thing to remember is any one can break up at any time, could be next month or five years from now. If that happens you will be annoyed you didnt ctb now when you had the chance and that you suffered for nothing by staying alive for the person you love.

Point being, do whats best for you. We all know how cruel life can be and people can drift apart at anytime, when you least expect it or when you need them most.

 

[Jai]

How do you leave someone who is so good to you and loves you with all his heart? I wanted to spend my entire life with him.

But I'm just suffering so much that I want to be gone. I can't stay here. But the last thing in the world I want to do is leave him.[/QUOTE
Mine left me it' took away who I was and my soul that's why I'm such a wreck

 

[Jai]

How do you leave someone who is so good to you and loves you with all his heart? I wanted to spend my entire life with him.

But I'm just suffering so much that I want to be gone. I can't stay here. But the last thing in the world I want to do is leave him.

Mine left me destroyed who i was took my soul that's why I'm a wreck

 

[Lena]

Lena, I am sorry to hear your pain and suffering..
I know you said your partner was good to you but does he know how badly you feel.
It sounds like you love him very much but just want an end to your pain.
Are you on the correct Meds to help with the physical pain and can he help you heal emotionally.
I know I do not know your full story but what I do know is ,the heart ache and despair felt by the partner when the other one dies.
I lost my husband of 25 years,my true soul mate and best friend.he died unexpectedly and this drove me to the very edge of life.
Some say that I was lucky to have loved someone so much that saying goodbye to was so hard.
Please give him the opportunity to help , you may be surprised.i really feel for you as the only thing that stopped me ctb in the last moments of my attempts was my son.
I would give anything to have my hubby back if only for a day.family and love is priceless.
I really hope you can work through things even if it's just little things at a time.
I know that you feel overwhelmed at the moment hence why you are here but please take time to think.
Hugs xx I wish you well.feel free to vent on here as we are sometimes able to pull each other through a crisis point.

Thank you so much you are so sweet. I don't want to die I'm going to keep trying to make it through. I don't know if I will be able to but at least knowing someone understand helps me a bit :(

 

[Lena]

I am very sorry you are going through a lot of pain..Can see the self-hate, guilt stacked up in you. It feels heavy.You still love him.. you can't let him go. Did you let him know the issue you are facing

He knows... he knows everything :(

 

[Lena]

One thing to remember is any one can break up at any time, could be next month or five years from now. If that happens you will be annoyed you didnt ctb now when you had the chance and that you suffered for nothing by staying alive for the person you love.

Point being, do whats best for you. We all know how cruel life can be and people can drift apart at anytime, when you least expect it or when you need them most.

Yes you are very right. You need to worry about yourself first. But I know we would never break up

 

[Lena]

Mine left me destroyed who i was took my soul that's why I'm a wreck

That's what I don't want to do to Gerard...

 

[deathbycakes]

please. don't leave him. if you're his everything like he is to you, you'd ruin his life. you'd make him want to ctb too, and if not he'a gonna suffer and cry everyday and just can't be happy again.
why am i saying all this? cause i lost mine. a 14 years relationship with the most perfect man. (he lost to cancer, not by ctb, but still i believe it'd be much more worse for your bf if you ctb cause it'd be like you leave him away when you have an option not to)

 

[Help_Me]

We don't have a future, we can't even live together already (6 years of relationships), we can't even visit each other. We can only go for a walk together. F*ck this life, it's easy to leave love of my life. The quality of our so-called relations is so freakin' poor.

 

[Lena]

We don't have a future, we can't even live together already (6 years of relationships), we can't even visit each other. We can only go for a walk together. F*ck this life, it's easy to leave love of my life. The quality of our so-called relations is so freakin' poor.

Why is it like that :(

 

[Lena]

please. don't leave him. if you're his everything like he is to you, you'd ruin his life. you'd make him want to ctb too, and if not he'a gonna suffer and cry everyday and just can't be happy again.
why am i saying all this? cause i lost mine. a 14 years relationship with the most perfect man. (he lost to cancer, not by ctb, but still i believe it'd be much more worse for your bf if you ctb cause it'd be like you leave him away when you have an option not to)

Thank you for sharing that... I really don't want to leave him...

 

[AndyCurious]

please. don't leave him. if you're his everything like he is to you, you'd ruin his life. you'd make him want to ctb too, and if not he'a gonna suffer and cry everyday and just can't be happy again.
why am i saying all this? cause i lost mine. a 14 years relationship with the most perfect man. (he lost to cancer, not by ctb, but still i believe it'd be much more worse for your bf if you ctb cause it'd be like you leave him away when you have an option not to)

I'm sorry to hear that.. I wish Cancer was just a zodiac sign... Hugs <3

 

[AndyCurious]

Thank you so much you are so sweet. I don't want to die I'm going to keep trying to make it through. I don't know if I will be able to but at least knowing someone understand helps me a bit :(

 

[Terminally drunk]

How do you leave someone who is so good to you and loves you with all his heart? I wanted to spend my entire life with him.

But I'm just suffering so much that I want to be gone. I can't stay here. But the last thing in the world I want to do is leave him.

in my experience with love is its just a attachment. and if you are going through issues. being a relationship can f with your head alot, and can make things worst especially if things go south,. its best to see him as a friend. and support. the whole relationship shit will mess with you if you are in a weak minded state but that's just my opinion. you come first in the wacky delusion world we live in

 

[Terminally drunk]

and if you need to let him go, let him down easy. don't bring up the whole "lets just be friends" just be smooth about it. or u could be a ass like the last one i had and loan money off him and never talk to him again, ur choice.

 

[RainAndSadness]

I feel your struggle because I'm in the exact same position. I will leave someone behind and it's crushing. But I have no choice. I need to leave and end the pain. You described the inner conflict very well. I do love that person so much and I feel terrible to leave her like that but it needs to finally happen. I'm in possession of N since July and I delayed my exit for months already. I'm desperate to end it.

 

[deathbycakes]

I'm sorry to hear that.. I wish Cancer was just a zodiac sign... Hugs <3

it's my zodiac sign actually ): i wish i'll get one too so i could go to where he is soon

 

[longingforrelease]

Yeah if I love him so much that I would die for him why am I not willing to live a life of suffering for him?

I can so relate to your question. The love in my life is my 10 year old daughter. I would take a bullet for her in a heartbeat. I never knew that kind of love until my daughter came into my life. If it wren't for her, I would have already taken my life. Not knowing how to ctb that both minimizes the pain she will feel but somehow allows me to say goodbye to her is my current struggle. I wish you well and hope you find peace - either through the release of death or in this life.

 

[NewDelhiGuy]

I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. I love my girlfriend with all my heart, and I wish before I die I could go back to the start of our relationship and live it all over again, because she's everything to me.
I don't know if it's selfish to ctb, and leave the one you love behind. I know if someone did that to me I'd feel,,, abandoned. But I don't think any of us- not you, not me, not either of our partners- should have to live a life of suffering. I think it'd be even cruel-er to force myself to live just because I love her. I'd never want to internalise that angst, y'know? like "I'm alive for you, I'm putting myself through this suffering for you". It's so much better if I quit while I'm ahead, I can't go on anymore, and it's not her fault. But this way yeah,,, it'll hurt her. And I don't want to hurt her. But this way she gets to heal and to move on. I hope she finds someone who's not as much of a burden as I am, and makes her smile. Because there's nothing on this earth more important to me than that smile.
I don't know if this helped. but we're in kind of the same place here, and I hope sharing my own feelings was a comforting thing to do

I hope she won't follow your footsteps once you are gone.

 

[Nem]

I'm sorry to hear this Lena.
I was in a similar situation, I nearly died from crap meds that my fiance demanded I keep taking. After the reaction I suffered terribly and stopped all of my meds including xanax (should never have been on that), and told my Dr that I stopped everything. He never looked at my chart to let me know I was going to go through hell with withdrawals on top of the damage and did I ever! I ended up making a plan to die 18 months later and she broke up with me two days later. I probably shouldve left her after the first two months and the whole experience was devastating. At the time I didn't feel like continuing on suffering. Your partner is probably more empathetic than mine was but she did have her moments.
It's a tough choice and I feel for you
Hugs!

 

[Sickofit]

I would either tall to them about it before you do it and like a romantic last date or i would write a letter before doing it.

 

[Mara]

The love of my life left me without hesitation being alive. It would be easier for us to ctb since we would not be thinking about the guilt and regret.

 

[WaitingForTheBus]

This is one problem that I don't need to worry about, she already left.

 

[Mara]

Oh I'm so sorry Lena. I didn't read your post and immediately answered your title. I see that he has been a great person to you. My opinion I am okay to leave my loved ones behind because they all have great support to endure my loss. Yes, it will disappoint and devastate then for a while but all wounds heal in time because they are stronger than I am. They've been thru much worse and made it. So, for me, I can justify in these thoughts.

 

[Lena]

I'm sorry to hear this Lena.
I was in a similar situation, I nearly died from crap meds that my fiance demanded I keep taking. After the reaction I suffered terribly and stopped all of my meds including xanax (should never have been on that), and told my Dr that I stopped everything. He never looked at my chart to let me know I was going to go through hell with withdrawals on top of the damage and did I ever! I ended up making a plan to die 18 months later and she broke up with me two days later. I probably shouldve left her after the first two months and the whole experience was devastating. At the time I didn't feel like continuing on suffering. Your partner is probably more empathetic than mine was but she did have her moments.
It's a tough choice and I feel for you
Hugs!

Oh no :( did you ever recover from all that? :/

 

[Jacquelinr]

How do you leave someone who is so good to you and loves you with all his heart? I wanted to spend my entire life with him.

But I'm just suffering so much that I want to be gone. I can't stay here. But the last thing in the world I want to do is leave him.

 

[Nem]

Oh no :( did you ever recover from all that? :/

Well, I almost recovered I think. I suffered done serious damage like brain, muscle, nerve and kidney damage. It was absolutely horrific, after the reaction I stopped all of my meds at once which at the time felt like the right thing to do except it wasn't. Stopping the xanax cold turkey was absolute hell and my Dr never realized that I was going through withdrawals. The brain healed pretty quickly, it wax still working pretty good but it was the withdrawals that really caused the most difficulties, 2 hours sleep a night for years straight. Most of the damage is permanent and the withdrawals caused the most problems. I'm just mentioning this and not trying to hijack your post, I just felt that my situation was similar to what you are considering. If I hadn't made a plan to die I would've probably recovered somewhat, the Dr was a complete idiot without a doubt and was actually beyond an idiot. The withdrawals caused 90% of the problem, pretty sad about this and never got over it that easily.
Hugs!

 

[Lena]

P

Well, I almost recovered I think. I suffered done serious damage like brain, muscle, nerve and kidney damage. It was absolutely horrific, after the reaction I stopped all of my meds at once which at the time felt like the right thing to do except it wasn't. Stopping the xanax cold turkey was absolute hell and my Dr never realized that I was going through withdrawals. The brain healed pretty quickly, it wax still working pretty good but it was the withdrawals that really caused the most difficulties, 2 hours sleep a night for years straight. Most of the damage is permanent and the withdrawals caused the most problems. I'm just mentioning this and not trying to hijack your post, I just felt that my situation was similar to what you are considering. If I hadn't made a plan to die I would've probably recovered somewhat, the Dr was a complete idiot without a doubt and was actually beyond an idiot. The withdrawals caused 90% of the problem, pretty sad about this and never got over it that easily.
Hugs!

Wow I bet that sleep deprivation caused a lot of problems too :/ that's awful. I don't feel like you are hijacking my post. What are your lingering problems? Why do you think they are permanent :/ doctors and medications can be so dangerous