How do you leave?

[ChinUp]

A man who's been like a father to me how do I leave him? I don't want to be a burden anymore to him and I just want to exit. He wants me to keep living but I don't. I'm tired of suffering!

 

[TheShadowQueen]

You just have to accept that he's gonna be sad when you're gone. I have a lot of siblings so for years that was my reason to try to stay alive even though there were some impulsive attempts here and there.

It took forever for me to get to the point where I kinda detached myself from them in a way. As much as I love all of them it just wouldn't be fair to suffer forever. Even now it hurts to think what my death would do to them but after a certain point you have to be selfish and do what's best for you.

The feeling of guilt won't go away

 

[knickknack81]

Unfortunately, if this is what you want to do, that's how it will be. I am sure this person (and possibly others in your life) will be sad to lose you but like most, they will have their time to be sad and grieve but will eventually come to terms with it one way or another. At the end of the day, you have to do what is right for you. Sadly, someone will be hurt by it.

 

[TBONTB]

Sending love and healing. It's pretty hard to leave, I agree with that.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I also feel so tired of suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

You have to make peace with the fact that how they feel doesn't impact you - if you're at a point where you're considering this as your ending, that's what matters. I don't believe in being cruel, but I also think we keep living for others and that's a source of depression right there.

For a long time I stayed alive for a parent - they're gone. I have another family member I've been staying for. Now I have my plan and it's for me - and so while I wrap things up, I know for the first time in my life my planning my CTB is finally not being a people pleaser. I have a list of things to experience before I go, but I'll be gone and I don't care about the impact from others. I have health concerns that have played into my decision, and nobody left in my life lives with my health burdens.

Reframing this as 'leaving for us' is key. And making peace with that feels wonderful. Why have the suffering continue? The joy I've felt as I've gotten rid of items, cut people out of my life, engaged in Last Times ('last time I go drinking' etc.) and volunteering means the last chapter is on my terms. It's been healing for me.