Suffering from depression

[con o]

Please what is the most painless way to go and leave here , I have so much pain suffering. Trying so hard for 3.5 years, every day depression and anxiety, don't know how to laugh anymore, I'm gone for so long, I was so happy and a nice person, making jokes be good, enjoying life enjoying everything, vacation work have everything that I need, going everywhere and enjoying life. Was so kind and helpful. Im trying and trying to do things to get better , go on my bike, go to places with nice people with their own problems, going out and doing grocery, nothing helps . The people I know see me suffer and many don't understand. Cannot being alone at my house I loved so much , no more candles no more making it nice , it's just a fucking house and don't want to be there anymore because of my pain and feelings. I'm gone already for quite some time. Quit and my pain is in my face , not going out and have a chat with my neighbours, not going to friends anymore. Nobody understands the feeling and severe suffering I'm going through. No more sitting on my seat and watch a nice serie, just hanging on the table with my head in my hands. The teainraiks are 2 minutes away from my house, but not want to do that , I'm scared, want to go peacefully and in my sleep. I'm in the middle of nature here , go out here very early to try and feel something. At home I stay in bed because I'm not want to begin with the day. At home there are the walls and me and my pain and suffering, days are to heavy. Everyone sees me suffering, im saying hey and go inside . This is no life this is pure hell. I want to stop my pain and looking for a painful solution

 

[bipolar22]

Sorry to hear. Are you in any kind of treatment or have been in the past. Are you medicated for your depression?
Where I'm going with this is asking if maybe you would be willing and have the resouces to explore the route of therapy. Sometimes that's enough to turn things around. Often it isn't. Also depends what might be causing you're depression. Could be as simple as some nutritional deficiencies or ongoing stressor in your life. Hypothyroidism. Many potential causes that could have an easier fix. Me for example I used to suffer from low potasium for years and felt like a zombie till I finally got a blood test.
As for suicide there's a resource section on here which explains various effective methods in detail.

 

[con o]

Yes I have medication it's called mao one of the last things I have to try.
I have not really treatment, talk for like 2 hours with a therapist in the week. Doesn't help, the depression is in my head, I feel it !
I looked up low potasium can I buy that like a supplement, or go to the doctor? Im really done with the doctors, said to them several times that im suïcidale, i called for help, called the police, i called the therapists, then you have a talk and they say , put the things away like a rope or pills and go do something, go and get some movement on the bike , go outside or go to friends .
What is Hypothyroidism?
Feeling so lonely and alone in this
The suicidal thoughts are so intense . Don't want to die , but this is torture and suffering.
How you doing now ? are you depressed also at that time
Thnx for your reply .

 

[FuneralCry]

It really sounds like you've suffered so much, it's so cruel and dreadful to me how there's all this suffering in this torturous existence, I hope you find peace.

 

[bipolar22]

looked up low potasium can I buy that like a supplement

That's just something I had due to chronic diarrhea. You probably dont have that. it's rare. Don't take potassium supplements without supervision. High doses can be lethal.
Just wanted to point out that you should get a complete blood work and maybe even a head mri etcetera. To rule out physiological causes.
I have depression which is completely overshadowed by bpd. But low potasium made it hell.