How do you imagine your ctb to be and how do you feel about your exit?

[_Minsk]

Do you think your ctb will be peaceful? And to those wo planed to ctb, how do you feel about the whole thing?
For me it feels like overdue, my life has been bad for so long now. I don't feel good about leaving but there is no way around. It feels like all the heavy weight is slowly being lifted and I can't wait to feel my long awaited relief. It makes me feel light

 

[LoneMisery]

Im starting to realize i dont have the resources to be able to do it peacefully. And i dont know where to buy a G. I dont want to feel pain at all and the people i could buy a G from prolly would tell a close one and ill be caught

 

[Nightmare Painting]

For me it feels like overdue, my life has been bad for so long now. I don't feel good about leaving but there is no way around. It feels like all the heavy weight is slowly being lifted and I can't wait to feel my long awaited relief. It makes me feel light

Same, I've been waiting to die my entire life and I likely have a lot of bottled up resentment but at least it'll finally be over eventually. I use to sometime imagine what it'd be like to be free of everything even though you can't experience nonexistence but it'd bring about a cool soothing sensation that'd wash over my body.

Lately I've become more agitated, restless, and angry because I can't leave whenever I want though so it definitely hasn't been peaceful.

 

[allesistgut]

i guess i hope it'll be somewhat peaceful. although part of me doesn't mind if there is some pain at the end as long as i feel at peace? like it'll end so it doesn't matter to me that much or something, at least right now anyways. no way of telling how i'll feel when i get to that point though.

i feel kind of similar about it all feeling overdue. also i think that the periods when i feel "good" just prolong my life a bit but idk even if i don't ctb around when i'm currently planning (it's quite a ways away if i don't decide to leave sooner) i'll eventually ctb so... (sorry this is a bit all over the place, not the best with putting my feelings correctly into words.)

 

[Crazy4u]

I'm generally excited and happy. I also feel calm because things will be over soon. HOWEVER, my gut feelings don't seem right. I don't know why. It could be my brain playing games with me.

There are three possible outcomes for my life:

- ctb now and stop my life from getting worse
- ctb later after more suffering
- die in agony aka natural death

I choose 1. Easy to see why unless you are a prolifer :)

 

[markimobzzdeasui]

Same. I know my ctb is long overdue now and it has came to a point where it is a necessity more than a choice. I think I will be still afraid about the attempt being a failure which would mean lifelong of more problems. Other than that I feel peaceful and even happy just thinking about it. Sometimes the fear is too intense about the possibility of after life, reincarnation and nothingness,but still not that much to decide to live this life.

 

[Wrennie]

Agonizing. Writhing in agony, plagued by uncertainty, fretting over the risks of failure while simultaneously tormented by the fear of being plunged into complete nonexistence, & all alone… As is what's to be expected of us in modern America.

I will always envy my dog's death (although I'm grateful he didn't have to suffer like I inevitably will). Being born human is the greatest of all curses.

 

[completely-done]

I'm not sure it my exit will be peaceful. After practicing NN, I can't find the sweet spot anymore. I'm getting mentally sicker each day and am more and more desperate, so I think the "peaceful" aspect will have to be disregarded. I might have to use a painful yet guaranteed avenue. I don't care about the pain anymore because I need to achieve the end result

 

[PrisonBreak]

I have always imagined dying in a hospital setting. In a state of coma(fighting for a life I have lost almost a decade ago), where doctors tries their all to save me but with no avail. I have made peace that no method can allow me to achieve death in that desired manner or setting.

Perhaps the reason I am still stuck in my everlasting torment is my fear to attempt in an isolated environment. The thought of death feels isolating and often leaves me in a situation where I can't indulge being content with it, either I make a choice to live or die, regardless of how much physical or mental pain I find myself in.

 

[Solar1703]

I'm sure it will be peaceful even if I feel some physical pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally, ctb is the only thing that feels right for me and makes sense. I do not want to have to put up with this life for decades. The thought of being dead comforts me as I believe that there is nothing after this. I just want to be free from all suffering. However I am held back from ctb because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failure. I wish I could feel at peace with everything, but the thought of actually attempting ctb fills me with dread. It hurts me that I cannot just exit peacefully, a peaceful death is what I deserve.

 

[bloodfallsfirst]

A peaceful release. Probably a bit scary as the ratchet strap kicks in, then peaceful

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

All I imagine is peace, peace from the pain and peace from this world. But the uncertainty and possibility of methods not working are at the back of my mind.
I'm quite child like and envision my exit surrounded by my blankets and teddy bears around me…and the occasional fairy light :)

 

[TerminalConscience]

I want peaceful. From what I've read and been told it should be. As for the moments leading up to it idk.. Right now I feel very anxious about it but it's something I know will happen whether it be today, 10, 20 years from now.