How do you get the strength to actually ctb?

[Shoreline]

Hi all,
I've been thinking about ending my life for a while now. Things seem to keep getting worse, and I don't know how to tell anyone how I feel. I'm finally at the point where I've decided to ctb, but I'm too scared to even purchase the materials/attempt. I suppose I'm afraid I'll live or be permanently injured/disabled by the attempt.
How do you manage these feelings and become brave enough to actually make an attempt?

 

[RinneOfAragon]

that is a fear that has held be back for almost 20 years. Yes I have had attempts but they were rushed and not well planned. I'm fearful of it going wrong but I'm living in a prison of hell here. When I found this site I thought my answers have come with sn. But alas its now so restricted I'm not sure how I'll get it. I've started taking my Fluoxetine to try and keep calm. it's terrible to be desperate to escape but there's no peaceful way out.
Now with regards to yourself, I don't know your situation. You said you don't know how to tell anyone how you feel. Maybe you are at the stage of reaching out for help with your situation rather then ctb. That might be better then ctb. like I said I don't know your circumstances. Have you exhausted all your options in wanting to live? With me I have as I'm 36 soon and everything in my world got so much worse. I think to ctb a person just gets to the point of not being able to bare the situation anymore. Or other times it's spur of the moment whirlwind of intense emotions and possibly substance use.
I really do feel like a coward most days as I wanted easy exit. Ultimately its very hard.

 

[Bishop]

I too lack the constitution and in search for an answer to your question.

 

[yellow rose]

that is a fear that has held be back for almost 20 years. Yes I have had attempts but they were rushed and not well planned. I'm fearful of it going wrong but I'm living in a prison of hell here. When I found this site I thought my answers have come with sn. But alas its now so restricted I'm not sure how I'll get it. I've started taking my Fluoxetine to try and keep calm. it's terrible to be desperate to escape but there's no peaceful way out.
Now with regards to yourself, I don't know your situation. You said you don't know how to tell anyone how you feel. Maybe you are at the stage of reaching out for help with your situation rather then ctb. That might be better then ctb. like I said I don't know your circumstances. Have you exhausted all your options in wanting to live? With me I have as I'm 36 soon and everything in my world got so much worse. I think to ctb a person just gets to the point of not being able to bare the situation anymore. Or other times it's spur of the moment whirlwind of intense emotions and possibly substance use.
I really do feel like a coward most days as I wanted easy exit. Ultimately its very hard.

I relate to this so much.

 

[Bishop]

that is a fear that has held be back for almost 20 years. Yes I have had attempts but they were rushed and not well planned. I'm fearful of it going wrong but I'm living in a prison of hell here. When I found this site I thought my answers have come with sn. But alas its now so restricted I'm not sure how I'll get it. I've started taking my Fluoxetine to try and keep calm. it's terrible to be desperate to escape but there's no peaceful way out.
Now with regards to yourself, I don't know your situation. You said you don't know how to tell anyone how you feel. Maybe you are at the stage of reaching out for help with your situation rather then ctb. That might be better then ctb. like I said I don't know your circumstances. Have you exhausted all your options in wanting to live? With me I have as I'm 36 soon and everything in my world got so much worse. I think to ctb a person just gets to the point of not being able to bare the situation anymore. Or other times it's spur of the moment whirlwind of intense emotions and possibly substance use.
I really do feel like a coward most days as I wanted easy exit. Ultimately it's very hard.

Coward or whatever the term is. I share your sentiment.

 

[complex]

I share this same issue Survival Instinct kicks in with planned attempts so i carry my pills and SN around with me in the hope i spiral one day and can snap again but this time with the real means to end it as normally when i spiralled i never had the stuff to hand.

 

[VegasLyra]

Alcohol. Dampens your SI by making your amygdala stfu

 

[Aflame5926]

i dont think we can or should advice you about it.
If you are afraid of SI then i would say CTB is not a path ready for you yet.

But since you are really fresh here i would suggest to mingle here and there.
there are some great people here which you can talk to.

we dont judge you for having this feeling. we can't lock you up.
we only spectators and you are the main charater of your own life.

trust me that i say the community is great here.

 

[complex]

i dont think we can or should advice you about it.
If you are afraid of SI then i would say CTB is not a path ready for you yet.

But since you are really fresh here i would suggest to mingle here and there.
there are some great people here which you can talk to.

we dont judge you for having this feeling. we can't lock you up.
we only spectators and you are the main charater of your own life.

trust me that i say the community is great here.

Agree but SI is present in everyone its said even those that do it probably have it moments before it just depends when and how it grips mine grips if planned event moments before i proceed to point of no return